AIBU to get married on SIL-to-be’s birthday?

[newmumwithquestions]

Just that.
We want a summer wedding. But outside school holidays as guests will have to stay somewhere and it’ll make it more expensive to do it in summer holidays. DP doesn’t want to get married in hayfever season. Then there’s 1 date we have to avoid for a different reason.
Leaves us SILs birthday. Is that bad form?

Perfectly reasonable unless she's going to be 18 or 21 on the day. Enjoy your wedding.

Not bad form, no. I guess it depends on your relationship with her - if you're friends, maybe just ask her how she'd feel if you booked it then.

If it were me, I wouldn't care a jot but would thank you for asking.

The other thing to consider is that you will forevermore have a clash between your wedding anniversary and her birthday.

I don't see why it would be a problem.

Don't see why. She hopefully will have plenty more birthdays

She'd have to be a bit precious to object, IMO. It's only a birthday, after all. Not much more than just another day. Go ahead, I reckon.

As long as you don’t mind people giving her cards and presents to save on a stamp then it’s fine

I think it’s fine, most weddings I’ve been to have been on someone’s birthday and normally people will sing happy birthday at some point in the speech depending on how close they are to the b/g - could you do that?

As long as it's not a milestone birthday like 20, 30, 40, etc.

Is it a big birthday? That might make me pause but to be honest I’d happily go to a wedding on my birthday; she can have a special birthday breakfast and do something the night before or night after. When a birthday falls on a weekday you don’t alwsyd get to celebrate it on the day.
I would say something to her though/explain it to her and acknowledge it’s on her birthday so she doesn’t hear it through someone else. Also at a wedding I went to it was a family members birthday and they gave her some flowers or something during the speeches which was a nice touch.

In the future if you’re invited for meals to celebrate her birthday you may have to celebrate your anniversary on another day but really that shouldn’t be a big issue and I doubt would be an issue every year

I don't think it matters even if it is a milestone birthday. I've never understood the issue with weddings and birthdays and wearing white/black/red/whatever. Maybe that's just me but I don't care 🤷‍♀️

Just ask her! If you've asked then a, you'll know for certain and b, she'll probably be chuffed you've cared enough to ask.

If it's not a big birthday then fine. Perhaps you could do a little something for her, a cake? Flowers or similar?

My big brother got married the day before my little brother's 21st birthday. My little brother accepted it with very good grace. Actually, I think it was probably quite nice because he got to see all the extended family which he wouldn't have done otherwise.

These things happen. My brother's funeral was on my birthday because the alternative date was his child's birthday. It means I spend a few minutes of my birthday thinking sad thoughts, but it's not an issue. I would rather share my birthday with a wedding than a funeral.

Bad bad form. It's not just the actual day but the joint celebration every year. Would you like it really? Change the date.

Depends what your relationship is. It would probably be both wise and kind to ask her opinion first and respect what she says.

Do it. She’ll see all her family for her birthday. Win win. Also she won’t forget the date!

Wouldn’t bother me. In fact we got married on a relatives birthday and didn’t know, it was fine, we all sung happy birthday after the speeches.

No no problem at all. It would be nice to spend it all together? You could sing happy birthday. Just don't not go to her birthday in future years because we're celebrating our anniversary.. that would be annoying x

Depends what she's like, really.

My DB got married (abroad) on my birthday when I was in my early 20s, and I didn't mind a bit.

Just celebrated when we got home

It's not just the actual day but the joint celebration every year. Would you like it really?

This seems like a bit of a non-issue to me. Surely no one but the couple celebrates anything but the biggest (25, 50 years) anniversaries, and most people just go out for a meal at the nearest weekend anyway. And how many people see their adult siblings on their birthday every single year? So 'joint celebrations' seem like a very minor issue.

I agree that it would be nice to ask SIL, but I would judge her a bit if she said it's not ok!

There were 3 people at our wedding whose birthday it was, we gave birthday cards out to them. Didn’t cross my mind that it would be an issue.

As for mrssnootypants suggestion about joint celebrations I don’t think that for the first 20 years or so of marriage people celebrate with anyone other than their spouse do they? Also birthday celebrations for wider family are normally limited to landmark birthdays aren’t they?

Is it a significant birthday ?

I would explain why you want the date and ask how she feels

@Wonkypalmtree all anniversary's are special as are birthdays.

If it was just a friend I'd say go ahead, but family no way.

Will she and the persons brother duck out in her birthday each year? I know my sister would be annoyed. They know it's her birthday so it's pretty rude.

@MargaretCavendish I make the effort to see my siblings every year on their birthday as well as my parents.