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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get married on SIL-to-be’s birthday?

112 replies

newmumwithquestions · 26/06/2018 16:07

Just that.
We want a summer wedding. But outside school holidays as guests will have to stay somewhere and it’ll make it more expensive to do it in summer holidays. DP doesn’t want to get married in hayfever season. Then there’s 1 date we have to avoid for a different reason.
Leaves us SILs birthday. Is that bad form?

OP posts:
stayathomer · 26/06/2018 17:18

I'm really sorry but I'd echo the is that the only day of the year you can get married? It won't matter this year but what happens if you or she need childcare for example on 40th birthday/ 10th wedding anniversary or the like? Some day you will all clash and as a family that has two sets of birthdays on the same day believe me it's tough figuring out who doesn't get to go or getting a straight up 'I don't think you should go away when it's such and suchs birthday.' Honestly I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole. As said above a friend's birthday is fine, but family can be an issue

mostdays · 26/06/2018 17:19

I wouldn't care but the world does seem divided into those who aren't bothered about birthdays and those who see it very much as their special day- so really it all depends on what camp your SIL to be falls into.

Youvegotafriendinme · 26/06/2018 17:20

My DB and and DSIL got married on my twin DSIS 18th birthday. Could have picked about 300 other dates but there you go. One DSIS didn’t go and the other wasn’t best pleased spending her 18th at a wedding in the middle of nowhere. Personally I wouldn’t like it if someone picked my birthday but that’s just me. Maybe run it by her first?

wheezing · 26/06/2018 17:21

Joint celebrations??

Do people really get together to celebrate family and wider family’s birthdays and wedding anniversaries?

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/06/2018 17:23

A friend of mine has this.
Her family are fairly big on celebrations.

The problem is that her birthday is pretty much now an add on to the anniversary, whilst everyone else's gets its own special celebration.

Think of speeches that are essentially congrats to x and y on their anniversary and also to z whose birthday it is.

So you need to ask her.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 26/06/2018 17:26

why not ask her or at least your partner?

I wouldn't mind a bit if someone was getting married on my birthday, it would make an even better party!

I would get pretty pissed off if I had to schedule my birthday parties or weekends away with DH and parents childcare , all around SIL's wedding anniversary.

nannybeach · 26/06/2018 17:28

Get married when you want, "milestone" Birthday, unless she is 18 or 21! 21 means nothing, you techically "come of age" at 18 have done for nearly 50 years now, a Birthday, you are just one day older than you were the day before.

PuddlesOfBud · 26/06/2018 17:28

Wouldn't want to spend my anniversary with my sil every year.

SarfE4sticated · 26/06/2018 17:29

I'm a bit Meh about birthdays. Unless it her 21st or something surely she won't mind.

MistyMeena · 26/06/2018 17:33

One of my guest's children had a birthday on our wedding day, we sang happy birthday and I think we might have even had a cake! I think you'd have to be a bit precious to mind as an adult.

OlennasWimple · 26/06/2018 17:36

It's fine. Wish her happy birthday and give her a bunch of flowers during the speeches

PotteringAlong · 26/06/2018 17:37

We got married on my great aunt’s 80th birthday. I got her a cake, everyone sang happy birthday, she was chuffed!

Loopyloo1987 · 26/06/2018 17:37

Im attending a weddding i sept. It is on my birthday and i dont mind. We are staying at a hotel and will do cards n presents in the morning so will be a nice break and DH can look after the kids while i have a drink lol x

KittyHawke80 · 26/06/2018 17:44

‘Bad form’ 😂😂😂😂😂 Yeah; Peter York wrote a whole book on it . . . If she’s a grown-up human person, she’ll be fine.

Thatssomebadhatharry · 26/06/2018 17:45

Its not just your wedding its her brother missing his sisters birthday for ever due to your wedding anniversary. How is there no other day? I got married on a sunday been to wedding on all day of the week.

Fruitcorner123 · 26/06/2018 17:46

I really really REALLY don't think it matters. I don't think you should ASK her because it's the only date that's suitable but you could tell her and say sorry if that's a pain for her but it's a one off. She will never need to celebrate your anniversary so it will only be an issue for you if you are invuted to a birthday party one year. She can celebrate her birthday a day late/early that year. My cousin got married on my birthday and it was actually a really lovely way to spend the day.

As for the poster saying don't avoid hayfever season you obviously don't know how miserable it is to be suffering badly. No way would I get married in hayfever season as I get it really bad and wouldn't be able to go outside or wear make up plus the medication makes me drowsy.

FlirtyRomanticToast · 26/06/2018 17:48

My brother got married on my 21st birthday. I didn't mind a bit. 🎂 🍸

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 26/06/2018 17:50

It's amazing how many posters dismiss something because they don't care, so no one else should. Having so little sympathy towards your SIL to be for example (reading the comments, not the actual OP) doesn't bode well for the future. no wonder there are so many threads about IL from hell when people are so selfish.

MargaretCavendish · 26/06/2018 17:55

Its not just your wedding its her brother missing his sisters birthday for ever due to your wedding anniversary.

OP has already said that if that clash occurred they'd go to the birthday.

Fruitcorner123 · 26/06/2018 17:56

ikeepaforkinmypurse

but isn't it selfish to.make a fuss and disrupt a family members wedding plans because you feel a day should revolve around you. Fine to want to celebrate your birthday but what difference does it make if you celebrate on a different day?

People are not dismissing her feelings they are saying if she genuinely cares she must be a little bit self involved

Armchairanarchist · 26/06/2018 17:58

My sister in law got married on my husband's 14th Birthday. 14 years later we got married on her Birthday. We never forget each other's anniversaries. She signed the register and we bought her an expensive bracelet to mark the occasion. She was thrilled.

Snappedandfarted2018 · 26/06/2018 17:59

We got married on our dd 1st birthday. We had booked the wedding day two years prior. It was double celebrations with extra gifts, cake and celebrations.

YoucancallmeVal · 26/06/2018 18:00

I love my birthday, but even so, as long as it wasn't on a big birthday, I wouldn't mind. I definitely wouldn't give up celebrating a big birthday for a wedding. And the anniversary thing doesn't matter as anniversaries are of no interest to anyone apart from the celebrating couple, so that wouldn't be an issue.

sue51 · 26/06/2018 18:02

It wouldn't worry me at all. I'd just delay any birthday celebrations for a week or so. You have a birthday every year but you only get married once(hopefully ). Wedding trumps birthday.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/06/2018 18:03

Fruitcorner123

but isn't it selfish to.make a fuss and disrupt a family members wedding plans because you feel a day should revolve around you.

There is a certain irony about your post :)

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