Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

AIBU to get married on SIL-to-be’s birthday?

112 replies

newmumwithquestions · 26/06/2018 16:07

Just that.
We want a summer wedding. But outside school holidays as guests will have to stay somewhere and it’ll make it more expensive to do it in summer holidays. DP doesn’t want to get married in hayfever season. Then there’s 1 date we have to avoid for a different reason.
Leaves us SILs birthday. Is that bad form?

OP posts:

Original poster

newmumwithquestions · 27/06/2018 20:44

Thanks for all the responses. It appears that most people wouldn’t care but some really really would.

I’ll talk to her. But frankly we’re not that close so I don’t think she’ll actually be honest. Ie she’ll probably say it’s fine even if it isn’t.

In answer to a few comments about there being 365 days in a year. Yes there are. But we’ve decided to go with a Saturday to make it easier for the majority which drops it to 52 days. (Or we’d do a Sunday with a bank holiday afterwards but the registry office isn’t open then). Then as I explained in my OP we want to avoid school holidays, hayfever season and another random date. That only gives one ‘summer wedding’ date which is SILs birthday.

We’re going to go for it but will talk to SIL first. Maybe karma will bite us in the bum and we’ll have torrential rain!

OP posts:

Kitkatmonster · 27/06/2018 20:59

My sister got married on my birthday. I made her wedding cake & joked that I got to enjoy a free party on my birthday. I’m an adult, it really didn’t matter.

Honeyroar · 27/06/2018 21:07

I got married on my mum's birthday- we wanted a special date, where the month, year and date were my lucky number. She didn't mind at all and we had a cake brought out for her and everyone sang. However years on I do feel as though we've stolen her day - it's now become "our day" too and I feel bad if we go out for a meal without her (in a couple) but bad for my husband if I don't! I end up doing lunch with her and an evening meal with him!

Calatonia · 27/06/2018 22:14

So did we @Honeyroar.... although more because it was a Saturday in the school half term holidays than because the date was otherwise significant.... then surprise - our eldest daughter was born five years later on our wedding anniversary.
We arranged her christening on her first birthday so we could have a joint celebration - but as we live over 500 miles from my parents we don't usually see her on her birthday if it doesn't fall in the school holidays anyway.
My husband and my brother share a birthday..... there are only 365/366 days in a year - no point in getting upset when some of them coincide, whatever the reason.

Calatonia · 27/06/2018 22:15

Oops.... we don't normally see my Mum on her birthday, not DD.

Tinkofhousepan · 27/06/2018 22:24

Tough one. I personally wouldn't use that date, as in my family birthdays are considered quite a big thing and it would be frowned upon by my relatives.

I think the best thing to do would be to ask her if she would mind, and if she says go for it then I'd be sure to get her a birthday cake and have everyone sing happy birthday to her so she still feels special on the day.

Hope it all works out!

BillywilliamV · 27/06/2018 22:25

Itll be fine, sing Happy Birthday at the reception

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 27/06/2018 22:37

Don't ask us- ask her, your DP, and your MIL-and-FIL-to-be. That will give you a better idea of whether it will always be seen as a mortal insult.

For myself, I thi k it's a lot more complicated that some posters are thinking. I wouldn't mind going to a friend's wedding on my birthday, but that's friends. Faaaaaaamily is different...

In my family adult birthdays are a Big Thing. We all buy each other presents and have family gatherings on every single one, and if anyone arranged a wedding on their brother or sister's birthday without clearing it with him or her first, I think it would be look like rather a deliberate snub.

Mind you, if the frequency with which this subject comes up in MN threads, it's impossible for brides to arrange weddings without the date falling on their SIL-to-be's birthday. I do wonder why this happens so often. Are the grooms trying to piss off their sisters, or are the brides trying to compete with the SILs?

lentillover · 27/06/2018 22:42

As a pp has said, friend or distant relative, go ahead. SIL a bit more, potentially, dodgy. How old is she? What’s her relationship like with your DH-to-be?

WhiteWalkerWife · 28/06/2018 09:01

Unless it is a big birthday, i don't see it a problem and would go ahead. I had my birthday at a friend's wedding- they did a lovely shout out over the dj and sung happy birthday as part of the speeches.

It was the one time all my friends got together for months .

If we avoided all birthdays anniversaries and weekends near them, we would have very few to choose from. Probably none if you included the children of friends as well. My family and dhs is pretty large.

BloodyForeigner · 28/06/2018 10:39

I have to go to a wedding on my significant (ending in 0) birthday and, to my own surprise, I feel quite put out about it. Don’t think I would mind on a non-significant birthday though.

spidersonmyceiling · 28/06/2018 12:04

we got married the day after my mother in law's birthday. As time went on she wanted ALL the family visiting the weekend nearest to her birthday, which meant those years my then husband gave that priority, so any celebrations for us didn't happen. Yes, I had a husband problem, we could have celebated both, and it wouldn'y have mattered. But if you think that problem won't arise, then go for it

Flip

1 2 3 4 5