AIBU to get married on SIL-to-be’s birthday?

[newmumwithquestions]

Just that.
We want a summer wedding. But outside school holidays as guests will have to stay somewhere and it’ll make it more expensive to do it in summer holidays. DP doesn’t want to get married in hayfever season. Then there’s 1 date we have to avoid for a different reason.
Leaves us SILs birthday. Is that bad form?

If it was me I would go for 'hayfever season'. Personally I wouldn't be bothered though if there was a wedding on my birthday. Things don't need to be celebrated on the exact day they fall anyway

As long as you mark her birthday during the speeches or something I don't see it being an issue. But do talk to her first and let her know why it's worked out to be that day. Otherwise she might think you've forgotten.

Ok good. That’s great. It’s not going to be a very traditional wedding so we may not have speaches but if we do we can mention her.

Personally I wouldn’t mind. But we’re all different so I wasn’t sure if it was a big no-no!

Viques

Just ask her.

YANBU, even if she is turning 1, 21, or 100. Hundreds of thousands of people have birthdays every day of the year. Hundreds of thousands of people have anniversaries every day of the year. Your wedding date, even if it is on the birthday of a relative, will just be part of the masses also celebrating on that date.

I think it's a bit odd.

My BF brother got married on her b'day &, 20+ years later, it still feels weird.

There are 364 other days to choose from, is it really the only option?

It doesn’t really matter what we think, it matters what she thinks! So just ask.

Ah more mixed responses whilst I was writing my last one.

In answer to your questions no it’s not a big one.
Also we’ve never been invited to a birthday celebration of hers so far so I really wouldn’t expect a clash, ever. But if there was then birthday trumps anniversary in my opinion!

I got married on my aunt's birthday. W all sang happy birthday to her and gave her some flowers and she was thrilled!

I spent my 30th birthday at my friend's wedding. The groom wished me happy birthday in his speech. It was a great day and I never forget their anniversary! They live in NZ now 🙁

Talk to her.

No it isn't bad form

If it was just a friend I'd say go ahead, but family no way.

^I agree

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest as an adult. Maybe more if I was turning 18 or 21, as I'd have been considering a party of my own. But I don't do parties even for 'big' birthdays for myself these days.

We also don't really do anything for wedding anniversaries either, other than perhaps exchange a card. We are often on holiday with dd for our wedding anniversary just because of timing. I don't expect anyone else to remember it, though our parents will usually send a message of congratulations. So they'd be no issue with there being clashing events.

And how many adults really do that much in their actual birthday? Maybe a meal out with their partner and children perhaps? I usually find I'm at work more often than not. My immediate family are not that near so I can't just drop in on them for their birthday, and vice versa. We will see each other somewhere around that time, and will send gifts/cards, but unless it happens to fall on a weekend everyone is free that's it.

It'd be nice to give her a mention and get everyone to sing happy birthday to her. Maybe add a birthday card and gift to her table setting, or a nice bottle of fizz for her, and ensure she is sat with people she'd like to celebrate with.

As PP have said,it depends on how you do anniversaries and how she does birthdays.

Since she doesn't generally do a family get together for birthdays that's fine. I tend to think the opposite OP in that anniversaries are more special than birthdays - after all, they're an actual achievement!

For want it's worth, I think speeches or not it would be nice for you to note her birthday at the day.

I did it years ago. It was the only date that worked for our winter wedding. SIL may have been a bit miffed but oh well. Karma may have got us in the end because DD1 was born on our anniversary two years later.

We got married on BIL’s birthday - we mentioned him in a speech, and got a birthday cake for him and put it out as well as the wedding cake. He enjoyed it - said it was great to see more of his family and family friends than he would normally get to.

Birthday trumps anniversary for sure, those are just for couples surely? Unless it's a big one. But I might be a little concerned as to whether birthday plans would trump the actual ceremony. Or rather, if either of you might feel put out that family choose one over the other. Is she likely to have anything planned that other family would've gone to instead?

My sister got married on my husband's birthday. He wasn't the slightest bit bothered, and nor was I.

I'd maybe just mention it to her in advance, but I wouldn't ask permission. She'll have lots of birthdays (hopefully) and let's face it, once you're an adult it's a bit weird to be precious about your birthday.

As you say it's not a "big" birthday, and birthday trump's anniversary, and if she has birthday parties (surely most adults don't) you e never been invited...

It sounds perfectly fine.

Anniversaries are just for the couple with the possible exception of 25th and 50th anniversary!

Joint celebration every year is a complete non-issue. How many people are invested in their married-in SIL or BIL's birthday? Or their BIL's wedding anniversary at any point, even if there is a party (which probably wouldn't be on the actual day) for a big one like 25 or 50?

I agree that it isn't just about a one off occasion but rather on what she/the family normally does for birthdays as a rule and how you plan to spend your anniversaries that counts.

Eg if there is usually an extended family get together just for birthdays but you and DH plan to have a anniversary night out/ weekend/ holiday on that date every year, then that could be an issue. Your DH might be torn, or you will both miss out on a party. But if you already all see each other a lot then it might not matter.

Birthdays can be important to celebrate if life is otherwise dull or a struggle, its all down to the individual.

If you can both share the date forever more then its no problem but I do think you should ask her, and give her time to answer honestly. I would look for another date though.

I would let her know (but not ask her permission) as a curtesy and I would get everyone to sing her Happy birthday on the day.

We got married the day before MIL's birthday and at midnight we all sang to her. She loved it!

I think I would mention it to her, just out of courtesy more than anything else. I certainly wouldn't object to a second excuse to drink prosecco and celebrate on my birthday. Also it means you can never get away with forgetting her birthday

We got married on afriends birthday and put a present and card on her place setting? Didn't know before was her wedding but if we had wouldn't have changed date? Know friend is different but same type of thing! Maybe ask her? Doubt she would say no!