To have encouraged the woman I care for to cause some trouble?

[SlashsSnake]

Basically I am employed by a family to be a friend to their daughter who has additional needs.

The daughter wanted to lose weight and told me she'd like to join slimming world. I went along with her and she joined up. First meeting was horrendous, all this bollocks about "unlimited pasta" and free foods, making cakes with weetabix, avocado having shot loads of "syns" but a sugar loaded cereal bar being free ... I told my friend that it was a load of shit designed to con people out of money. She wanted to try it. 3 weeks in shed lost a total of 1lb as she'd been living on pasta basically.

I challenged her to follow my diet for 2 weeks (basically based on MFP and Fitbit). 2 weeks later she'd lost 7lbs. She was ecstatic. I told her we should now go back to SW and tell them how she'd lost weight. She was excited about this as it would mean helping the others.

Do last night we went to meeting, the woman cheered and whooped at the massive weight loss and during the meeting she was asked what she'd been eating.

So she recounted things like "cheese omelette for breakfast, mackerel on toast with a packet of crisps for lunch, chicken curry, rice and bahjis for dinner, a chocolate bar on the night" etc etc

Everyone went quiet and someone asked if she'd been counting her syns. My friend said "no ive been counting calories because they actually exist whereas suns don't" (autistic so can be rather blunt). The leader then went on about how sticking to plan will ensure long term weight loss and crash diets don't help. I stepped in and explained that she'd been wearing a Fitbit for two weeks and her calories, although some days high) was always less than what she was burning and scientifically, that is the only true way to lose weight. The other group members started asking questions, the leader tried to move onto someone else but they all were more interested in my friend at this point. After the group the leader asked me if I'd purposely come to the meeting to cause trouble and did I realise I was exploiting my friends learning difficulties by recruiting her to cause trouble. My friend loved every minute of it, for the first time in her life, people were asking HER for advise. Her confidence is sky high. So WIBU to encourage my friend to stir the shit a bit?

No SlimmingWorld consultant worth their weight would encourage unlimited pasta. They do encourage lots of fruit, vegetables, lean protein, limited fat and sugar. So in that sense, YABU.

YABVVVVVVVU to use someone you support to make a cheap and shitty point. A good carer would have taken the time to understand the plan properly and encouraged more fruit/vegetables and less pasta.

Totally overstepping the mark using a vulnerable person in your care to make a point. Disgusting behaviour.

SW is just one of a million diets on the market. You don't have to like it or even go, but to sabotage someone else's class for no good reason is also disgusting behaviour.

Your "friend" wanted to go. All you were required to do was to give her support. SW is not about just eating pasta and chocolate and you could have helped her to follow the plan properly. You failed in your duties and if that were my daughter you would be sacked.

I am glad your diet worked for her. I just don't get why you wont go back to SW to scoff at the members that were doing well and the diet plan. It's awfully rude if nothing else.

But she didn't call out the scammers she took a girl/woman with autisim to put it bluntly boasting about her weightloss and showing off her fitbit. Calling out the scammers my eye.

Lost 4 stone on SW and I eat pasta once a week. Did your friend follow the 1/3 speed rule or the wide variety of foods rule?

What sugary cereal bar is free? If you mean the hi-Fi bars then they are not free, the are either synned or a healthy choice.

Sounds to me like you wanted the diet to fail from the start and didn't help your friend to follow it properly.

Basically I am employed by a family to be a friend to their daughter who has additional needs

You are employed by the family to SUPPORT their daughter in her choices.

She chose SW which she did and lost 1lb.

You showed her what you do which is fine, but as a parent paying a support assistant, I'd have been much happier if you'd showed her a variety of plans and talked them through with her, narrowed them down to 2 or 3 she was keenest to try, then run it by me as I'd be far more aware of any possible dietary concerns than you.

Different methods of weightloss work differently for people, that's why there's such a vast choice.

It was not your business to involve her in your dismissal of SW in front of the instructor and the whole class on the evidence of only 2 weeks change in eating habits.

You have not supported this young lady, you have manipulated a vulnerable person and used her to make a point YOU wanted to make so you can feel vindicated that your way is great and SW in crap.

It would have been fine if you'd not manipulated her into going back to SW and creating a scene you'd choreographed for your own ends.

I think you need a really hard lesson in knowing the difference between supporting a vulnerable person and exploiting them to satisfy your own ego.

No you should not have gone back to sw. I did sw years ago, the unlimited pasta, scan bran and followed the plan. It worked very well and weight droppped off me. The food I was eating wasn’t healthy, I do understand that now. This was back in the day of red and green days. I did almost all green days. Just the occasional bit of tuna etc.

You’ve supported your friend, which is great. But you are one person and you are paid. This young woman also needs a network of friends and supporters herself, who are there for her and a slimming group for example could be just that.

What you’ve done is NOT a positive thing for her and is NOT empowering. I suggest you find her a more supportive group. Perhaps weight watchers, which as pps have said is more structured and is more similar to calorie counting.

Were you hired to provide companionship or to prove SW doesn't work?

When you're no longer with her and she puts the weight back on, do you think she'll go back to any classes which would have provided encouragement, support and friendship?

If you were accompanying your best friend, sister, mum to SW would you have encouraged them to do the same?

You were wrong to go back to slimming world and essentially try to stop everyone following it. I don't think you really thought it through .

"Smart I like, smart ass I don't"

You've taught your friend the short term gratification of being a smart ass. Longer term, it'll do her no favours.

If you and your friend would prefer to count calories that's fine but going to a slimming world meeting with the intention to cause trouble makes you sound like a dick.

You've also manipulated your friend and used her to try and cause a scene at the group. How pathetic are you.

I think showing your friend a far better and healthier way to eat was a really good thing, although I don't really think it was OK to encourage her to go to the meeting and say what she said. The frothing in this thread is quite OTT though!

Brilliant. OP

i wouldn't say its BS .. when i went i was losing 4-6 lbs a week, It was really good, also what you have mentioned she had eaten wasnt against the rules of SW :S .. you are aloud cheese and bread just not massive Quantities of it..egg is okay, Chocolate and crisps can be counted as sins... i ate curry ... just got to be careful of oil

I'm massively prejudiced against any organisation that basically works by making women feel shit about themselves. "Syns." Good God.

So as long as your friend is happy, I'm cheering you on here.

Bet that was fun, why don't you get her to go to alcoholics anonymous and sort them out too, nothing wrong with alcohol in moderation?

Then there is church that would be brilliant, get her to explain how god doesn't exist to the children there.

I've got load more ideas to keep you entertained at the expense of others too if you want them?

Just sounds to me like you used a vulnerable person for your own ends, so that you could smugly show how much better your way is than someone else's.

You know all the people in that room were there because they're looking for an answer, and some support. Not some arse who only rocked up to tell them all how stupid they are.

Posters are hardly frothing they are calling out shitty behaviour. Imagine if this was a child with additional needs and her friend was encouraging her to go up to somebody and say i think you are wrong do it this way.

Out of interest have you told her parents what you did?

I woulden't have approached it that way. I would have given her my opinion, tried my diet with her, when she lost more, just encourage her to continue. I would not have gone back and caused them grief.

YABtotallyU to assume that people who go to these meetings need educating by you or your charge. We all know that we need to eat fewer calories and do more exercise ffs - going to a weight loss group doesn't mean you are stupid!

"Syns." Good God.

Means synergy, as in you have to eat them and you are encouraged not to deny yourself.

OP you sound batshit crazy

After the group the leader asked me if I'd purposely come to the meeting to cause trouble and did I realise I was exploiting my friends learning difficulties by recruiting her to cause trouble

The group leader is bang on. Ok SW isn't right for you - but adults can make their own choices and if it works for them and they want to go, then it's up to them. Unfortunately, the person in this situation who can't make their own choices in the same way someone without SN can, is your 'friend'. There are MANY ways to build someone's confidence, teaching someone to be a shit stirrer is a pretty terrible one.