To have encouraged the woman I care for to cause some trouble?

[SlashsSnake]

Basically I am employed by a family to be a friend to their daughter who has additional needs.

The daughter wanted to lose weight and told me she'd like to join slimming world. I went along with her and she joined up. First meeting was horrendous, all this bollocks about "unlimited pasta" and free foods, making cakes with weetabix, avocado having shot loads of "syns" but a sugar loaded cereal bar being free ... I told my friend that it was a load of shit designed to con people out of money. She wanted to try it. 3 weeks in shed lost a total of 1lb as she'd been living on pasta basically.

I challenged her to follow my diet for 2 weeks (basically based on MFP and Fitbit). 2 weeks later she'd lost 7lbs. She was ecstatic. I told her we should now go back to SW and tell them how she'd lost weight. She was excited about this as it would mean helping the others.

Do last night we went to meeting, the woman cheered and whooped at the massive weight loss and during the meeting she was asked what she'd been eating.

So she recounted things like "cheese omelette for breakfast, mackerel on toast with a packet of crisps for lunch, chicken curry, rice and bahjis for dinner, a chocolate bar on the night" etc etc

Everyone went quiet and someone asked if she'd been counting her syns. My friend said "no ive been counting calories because they actually exist whereas suns don't" (autistic so can be rather blunt). The leader then went on about how sticking to plan will ensure long term weight loss and crash diets don't help. I stepped in and explained that she'd been wearing a Fitbit for two weeks and her calories, although some days high) was always less than what she was burning and scientifically, that is the only true way to lose weight. The other group members started asking questions, the leader tried to move onto someone else but they all were more interested in my friend at this point. After the group the leader asked me if I'd purposely come to the meeting to cause trouble and did I realise I was exploiting my friends learning difficulties by recruiting her to cause trouble. My friend loved every minute of it, for the first time in her life, people were asking HER for advise. Her confidence is sky high. So WIBU to encourage my friend to stir the shit a bit?

Yea, I think you were out of order. She didn't have to go back to SW if your concern was her losing weight you could have simply continued the new regime. Really mean spirited.

To be honest I think what you did is great

If the OP shares your feelings about Slimming World then fine. Going to group and boasting about a loss that's been achieved on a different plan is one way to highlight herself as someone without enough insight to grasp that different things work for different people.

To use a vulnerable person as a pawn to serve that agenda is nothing short of disgusting. I hope she gets sacked.

FWIW i agree with you re the SW plan. However it helped me lose 2 stone 10 years ago, it has also helped two friends lose 6 stone each with their confidence rocketing.

Yes the weetabix cakes are shit as is the endless pasta, but FFS what you did was nasty. Your charge wanted to go to these meetings to feel welcomed into a community and lose weight (which she would have done if she followed the plan). You undermined her by telling her to eat differently, ie your way. You then frogmarched her back to the group to undermine the SW leader.

I bet you feel epic

I actually hope her family find out you used their family members disability for your own agenda. I know what I would say if this was my son and it wouldn't be nice.

That was a pretty nasty thing to do.

If you don't agree with Slimming World's methods fair enough. Don't join or express your concerns on social media or wherever.

Using someone else , and someone vulnerable at that, to disrupt and derail one of their meetings is something you should be ashamed of.

Do employed carers have to be registered?

Wow wow wow, this inst about slimming world this is about you exploiting a vulnerable person that your are PAID to be friend, your no friend . I worked with adults with learning disabilities for a long time, if i had done this i would be disciplined if not sacked. You set a vulnerable person up, yes it may have improved her confidence but you made her and yourself look a dick. You should be totally ashamed of yourself!

That wasn't a very nice thing to do.

I did slimming world, lost 3.5 stone. I've since stopped going but I've kept the weight off. It does work for many.

If she was eating masses of pasta she wasn't following the diet properly anyway. You're meant to bulk out the meals with free foods.

Tbh I like what you did (shit stirrer myself) but in this case it was inappropriate. It didn't achieve very much and as an employee was unprofessional

It's great that you have helped her lose weight and I do agree with what you say about sw.
However, that was very unfair of you to set her up in that way to score points. You must have known what reaction it would cause. Very spiteful behaviour.

You canhire your own personal assistant/carer they shouldbe disclosure checked but if it is a private carer no registration needed

I think you’re fucking disgusting, using this vulnerable young woman to shit stir. If anyone used my youngest like this I’d be furious and you’d have no job. How fucking dare you?!

I think your behaviour is appalling!!! You obviously have an issue with Slimming Word and have used a vulnerable adult to make a point. Slimming Word has worked for lots of people but isn't for everyone.
You should have kept your opinions to yourself, I would question your suitability to be working with a vulnerable autistic adult. I saw that as a parent of a child with autism.

This is awful. Encouraging to try different ways to lose weight is fine, basically persuading her to go back and confront people to tell them they are wrong and YOU are right is completely wrong. Like I cannot stress how wrong. You should have just let her continue losing and not encouraged her to return back for that purpose. You’re supporting her for a reason - i’m actually shocked you think this is ok.

Do you often go into someone's workplace and tell everyone what they do wrong?

Do you like sabotaging someone's business?

I presume they were all grown-ups there and didn't need you or your charge 'putting them straight'.

You were exploiting your client and acting very unprofessionally.

It's great that you're helping her but it was shitty to take her to a SW meeting with the express purpose of derailing it. Lots of people have had success with SW and YABU to assume that they're just idiots who (unlike you) haven't seen the light. For some people the structure of it helps and so even if their weight loss is slower than it would be with simple 'calories in, calories out' they can still stick to it for the long term.

By all means support your friend and encourage her in her goals. But don't use her to stir up trouble in an arena that's nothing to do with you. And I say this as someone who has had great success with your style of weight loss. But I still wouldn't parade around telling everyone else how they are doing it wrong.

You encouraged your friend who you are employed to support, who has ASC, to go to a SW meeting just to make a point?

YABU. So U.

What a nasty thing to do.

I agree with you about SW and all the other groups however you were just plain mean to do this. It should have been enough for you that your friend had started to lose the weight. No need for you to go back at all.

Are you serious? There is so much wrong with this I don’t know where to start!

You used a vulnerable person to make a point at a group that she would have also PAID to go to.

You undermined the woman from skimming world who’s just doing a job.

You also undermined the people there who are probably successfully losing weight (it’s the group motivation that works - the diet is by the by).

Who do you feel you have made your “point” to?

The group leader? She’s hardly the brains behind the slimming world empire. The people there? You feel you’ve “educated” them? Trust me - most people at a SW group are aware of calories and fitbits.

Honestly you sound awful!

(Ps no slimming world doesn’t work for me- but then neither does mfp)

You have used, exploited and taken advantage of a vulnerable person in your care. You deserve to lose your job for this.

I lost almost 2 stone in SW, worked for me

Slimming world works, no one has to buy the bars and they aren't full of sugar.

I think you were totally wrong to use your charge and her disabilities to push your own agenda. That's what it is after all; you don't agree with SW and have your own method of weight loss/keeping fit. It wasn't wrong to suggest this to your charge (she's not your friend) once you saw SW wasn't working for her, but what you did in encouraging her to unwittingly disrupt the meeting was disgraceful. Start up your own class if you think your way is so much better.

OP I completely agree with the SW leader here. What you did was despicable and I really hope the girl's parents come to hear about it. There is no question that you exploited her. You should be ashamed of yourself.