To have encouraged the woman I care for to cause some trouble?

[SlashsSnake]

Basically I am employed by a family to be a friend to their daughter who has additional needs.

The daughter wanted to lose weight and told me she'd like to join slimming world. I went along with her and she joined up. First meeting was horrendous, all this bollocks about "unlimited pasta" and free foods, making cakes with weetabix, avocado having shot loads of "syns" but a sugar loaded cereal bar being free ... I told my friend that it was a load of shit designed to con people out of money. She wanted to try it. 3 weeks in shed lost a total of 1lb as she'd been living on pasta basically.

I challenged her to follow my diet for 2 weeks (basically based on MFP and Fitbit). 2 weeks later she'd lost 7lbs. She was ecstatic. I told her we should now go back to SW and tell them how she'd lost weight. She was excited about this as it would mean helping the others.

Do last night we went to meeting, the woman cheered and whooped at the massive weight loss and during the meeting she was asked what she'd been eating.

So she recounted things like "cheese omelette for breakfast, mackerel on toast with a packet of crisps for lunch, chicken curry, rice and bahjis for dinner, a chocolate bar on the night" etc etc

Everyone went quiet and someone asked if she'd been counting her syns. My friend said "no ive been counting calories because they actually exist whereas suns don't" (autistic so can be rather blunt). The leader then went on about how sticking to plan will ensure long term weight loss and crash diets don't help. I stepped in and explained that she'd been wearing a Fitbit for two weeks and her calories, although some days high) was always less than what she was burning and scientifically, that is the only true way to lose weight. The other group members started asking questions, the leader tried to move onto someone else but they all were more interested in my friend at this point. After the group the leader asked me if I'd purposely come to the meeting to cause trouble and did I realise I was exploiting my friends learning difficulties by recruiting her to cause trouble. My friend loved every minute of it, for the first time in her life, people were asking HER for advise. Her confidence is sky high. So WIBU to encourage my friend to stir the shit a bit?

So you're hired as her carer or companion and decided to talk her out of her own choices?

If you don't want her to follow sw then don't go to sw meetings.

I don't mind sw and has worked for me. The whole point is that certain food is unlimited but you eat until you are full, and supposed to have at least 1/3 meal should be veg.

Your friend prob would have been better at ww which is much more structured

So your method works for your friend? Good for both of you. Slimming World works for some other people so you were pretty off in encouraging her to go in and disrupt a meeting like that.

While I agree with your view on diets, yabu to basically shit-stir by proxy via someone with a learning disability at an established group that functions under a particular ethos. Why not just encourage her to follow the way that has been shown to work for her rather than going back to the sw group?

I think it's rather selfish behaviour to be honest and shame on you for encouraging it. The woman running the group is trying to do a job and you are deliberately planning on undermining her because you don't think her techniques work. Nasty.

I think you've really overstepped the mark actually.

You're hired because she needs companionship yet you've taken steps to alienate her.

Well you used her to make a point - I don't think you covered yourself in glory. I'm not a Slimming World fan but I know people who like it because they like to participate in a group, they feel they're all doing it together. But sure as long as you got to feel clever

You can help your charge to be boosted in her self esteem without attacking the group.

Why would you go back to disrupt the group?

Different food diets work for different people, you have not discovered the 1 way that works for you (and I say this as someone who thinks the group diet sounds fundamentally faddy and lacking nutrition/variety!).

I don't know about slimming world nor am I a qualified professional re food/health but I just don't get why you would encourage drama. Childish and unprofessional!

I like slimming world and have fine from 12 stone to 10 stone 6 so far. So it works for some people

And if the other diet worked for her then that's good but it seems a bit mean and petty to go back to slimming world and say all that to people. I've found they are nice people there. And eat well on the plan

If the other diet worked then stick with that..no need to go back and stir things up.

Yes ywbu. Your friend went to a weight watches meeting, follows their diet it didn't work for her, she did yours & it worked, brilliant. Why then take her along to another meeting to show off your diet & embarrass the leader?
It's lovely your friends confidence has rocketex but not at the price of humiliating the poor weight watches leader.

Hmm I rather suspect you of doing this to stroke your own ego rather than boosting the confidence of your charge..........

You honestly went back to prove them wrong? 🤦‍♀️

Also, I hope the poor group leader doesn't take this to heart!

To be honest I think what you did is great - I fundamentally disagree with sw/weight watchers/etc for the exact same reasons. It's a business model - you lose the weight, put it back on, they keep taking your money, etc. The only thing that works is a calorie deficit and not enough people understand this! I could rant about it for days but I won't. It sounds like you've really done her some good - both physically with the diet and mentally with her confidence boost! You obviously have her best interests at heart. The SW army were always going to have a strop about this - YANBU at all

Sorry, slimming world!

So you put the person you are supposed to be helping advocating and caring for in a vulnerable position where she could be riduculed over a fucking fitbit well done you 👏👏

Also you probably undid all of your charges self confidence by embarrassing her at the group, manipulating her to go back and cause trouble.

You should have just let her do the diet which worked and been happy that she found it through you.

Going back to SW was very petty

I would be angry if someone employed to support someone vulnerable acted like you did. Setting her up for embarrassment is right how?

Really odd behaviour on your part. I think you need to seriously examine your motivations here.

This isn't empowering her this isn't giving her a voice you are using a disabled persons disability to prove your point.

Are you really a carer? She isn't your friend, and she is vulnerable.

Don't use your clients to score points.
Don't put autistic clients at risk.

I hope the efforts of the other participants haven't been derailed.

I can't stand diet fads and I agree that the best and most obvious way to lose weight is to eat far less and move about far more and make a lifetime habit of doing those two things, but SW definitely works for some people and as long as the weight stays off, it doesn't really matter how it was lost.

This is funny I'd have loved to have seen the sw leaders face when u dropped those nuggets of info

You do realise you and she PAID to do that!

You shouldn't have done that. You purposely sabotaged someone's class and probably made them feel terrible publicly using someone you cared for to make yourself feel good.

Slimming world does work for some people, if it doesn't work for you then try something else. You don't have to buy or eat the stuff they sell. You were out of order.