Nanny Outfit

[Eminado]

This is my first foray into AIBU, please be gentle.

We have lovely, kind professional child carer who takes / collects our DC from/to school and nursery, and takes them out to activities etc.

I have NO issue with any other aspect of her job performance - I trust her, she is kind, my DC like her more than me etc.

The last 2 days have been very warm here and for the last 2 days she has arrived wearing a VERY short playsuit (cute, but very short) and I was wondering if IABU to mention to her that it is REALLY rather short?

I am not bodyshaming and I have learnt a lot about feminism from the boards here so I am not about telling people how to dress or one who thinks the female form should be hidden etc.

However, they are so short that I would say they are indecent. When she bends over to put the girls in the car seats you can see far more than you should ever wish to see of someone you are not in a romantic relationship with.

I just feel (because I KNOW the school mums from my time on mat leave) people will be laughing at / judging her?

My concern is almost protective. But honestly I am also shocked as they are VERY short and revealing and I would never wear that out. But that is neither here nor there. I do think they are REALLY short though.

My final point is that I LOVE her body confidence and for that alone I feel like I should let her wear whatever she likes and shut my mouth.

I am conflicted.

Please help - kindly - I am not a bad/controlling/judgey person. I just KNOW what the school gate is like (including the pervy dads etc - concrete evidence, heard them perving over the gymnastics teacher in leggings etc) plus judgey mums and/or teachers....

Would you say anything?

No - you can’t say anything without sounding judgey. If you catch anyone perving or sneering at her, tell them off for being so nasty and carry on - it’s entirely up to her what she wears.

I assume she is quite young? I think this is the best ki D of thing left to experience. When won't of the gross dads makes a pass at her she will get it but if you say something she will probably just think that you are Conservative.

I wouldn’t say anything at all in the circumstances. It isn’t impacting her ability to do her job (and good childcare is hard to find). She would probably be hurt and embarrassed if you brought it up with her which would sour your relationship for no good reason. Pick your battles!

I think if actual arsecheeks are out you can say something. Otherwise no.

I’m a nanny and I would agree that that outfit does not sound appropriate. At the end of the day, she’s at work. Today I am wearing a vest top and culottes that finish just below the knee. Cool, easy to play in and still semi-professional looking. I would maybe have a word and explain you can see her underwear or whatever and just ask if she would mind wearing longer shorts. If you were in an office and someone you were in charge of was inappropriately dressed would you say something?

No of course you can’t say something, why would you?! Unless you can see her actual vulva (and I doubt this) I would keep your opinions to yourself.

I also wonder whether this is truly “genuine concern” are whether you are somehow embarrassed about having your nanny dress this way🤔

I have a fantastic nanny who will show up in very short shorts etc in this weather. She is bloody brilliant at her job and I don’t give two hoots about what she wears, as long as we (the children, the parents and the nanny) are all happy. I hope to god she doesn’t read your OP and think that it’s me, talking about her!

Thanks for replies.

I wont catch anyone perving at pick up because I wont be there I will be at work.

To a PP yes it is arse cheeks and more - it's those wide playsuit bottoms that just kind of gape when you bend over. I have a playsuit too (so comfy) but never wear it outdoors because I am too fat

I just think people will be looking at her....aaaaargh. But then I am also like GO GIRL wear what you like and it's crazily hot here today!

Not sure ...

Also, being a nanny is not all the same as being a teacher and working in an office. The nanny works (and sometimes lives) in a family home and in many ways is part of the family. I would have no problem with my nanny getting changed in front of the children or sunbathing in her bikini in the garden, much in the same way I do (mind you my kids are very young). Neither of those things would be appropriate in an office environment for obvious reason!

I should also say that there is NO kind way of broaching this with your nanny. However you say it, she will feel your judgement and feel embarrassed, and I wonder whether you might do irreparable damage to your relationship with her.

So in my the kindest way, give your head a wobble and let it go.

"I also wonder whether this is truly “genuine concern” are whether you are somehow embarrassed about having your nanny dress this way🤔"

WOW
this is mean.

I wouldn’t say anything, I t could damage your relationship the tone of your email seems judgy to me and I’m not the nanny being judged.

You say you feel protective and that doesn’t seem appropriate. She is an adult you trust to take care of your DCs. Surely that means she is able to make her own reasoned choices about what she wears?

I have DDs in their twenties - sometimes I am a bit taken aback by their style choices , IMO they might be too short or tight etc. When they were teenagers I would have said something because I was responsible for them, but now it’s none of my business.

Tricky one really as she obviously does not realise that you can see quite as much as you can. If shes young she probably hasn't considered that.

I actually think it would be a kinder thing to do to just have a little word and just say, 'you need to be a bit careful bending down/over as your shorts ride up and revealing a bit more than you might want to be'. I don't envy being in that position of telling her though but I know when I was younger I wore a top which gaped quite a bit when I bent over and I had no clue you could see right down it. I was so grateful to the person who told me, after I'd got over my embarrassment!

So you're not telling her not to wear them, just making her aware what shes revealing. If shes happy revealing that then I guess let her crack on, but I suspect she does not realise.

I had an au pair once who was heading out on school run wearing a t-shirt that said:
"who the fuck are D &G?"

I did ask her not to wear it as the DC could read and I thought inappropriate for work.
Her astonished reply "but it's Dolce and Gabonna"

The way your childminder dresses is none of your business. No, you shouldn't say anything and you sound judgey yourself, covering it in 'Oh, the other school mums are bitches and will jusdge her'. Yeah, right.

Loonoon

I didn't say it was my business - I was asking for opinions as I am conflicted.

I didn't say I had said anything or intended to. I just wondered whether I should.

Please put your fangs away - I am asking for opinions so as to know how best to handle something I am not sure about.

This kind of thing is so hard. Yes you can say something and ask her to wear things less revealing. BUT good nannies are hard to find. And is it worth her thinking of moving on when the kids love her so much? I would personally leave it as good weather is rare in the UK so soon won't be an issue. And it has only been two days.

Myotherusernameisbest thank you, appreciate this reply. Makes sense.

Maelstrop

Ok thanks for that.

Liisten, it is so hot this week, really anything goes. I'd let it slide...

Crunchymint good point - it's not that serious really, I agree. Thanks for replies.

I think it depends what you can actually see. If you can see her pants or arsehole then I'd say something like "i can see your pants!" If its a bit of buttock then now I wouldn't bother.

Are you one of the pervy dads?

OP, if she is old enough to be trusted with your children, she will also be old enough to know that ‘judgey mums and teachers’ exist. And, quite rightly, she seems to have decided she doesn’t care about what anyone else thinks.

Yes I would say something. I wouldn't want to have to look at someone's arse hanging out of their clothes.

If it’s arsecheeks and more?! Then I think you at least need to give her a heads up as you would a friend. I’m sure she’s not intentionally flashing her bits!

I actually think it would be a kinder thing to do to just have a little word and just say, 'you need to be a bit careful bending down/over as your shorts ride up and revealing a bit more than you might want to be'.

I think this is perfect. She might not realise and might not actually want to be showing that much. If she does want to then fair enough and no harm done.