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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny Outfit

118 replies

Eminado · 26/06/2018 10:43

This is my first foray into AIBU, please be gentle.

We have lovely, kind professional child carer who takes / collects our DC from/to school and nursery, and takes them out to activities etc.

I have NO issue with any other aspect of her job performance - I trust her, she is kind, my DC like her more than me etc.

The last 2 days have been very warm here and for the last 2 days she has arrived wearing a VERY short playsuit (cute, but very short) and I was wondering if IABU to mention to her that it is REALLY rather short?

I am not bodyshaming and I have learnt a lot about feminism from the boards here so I am not about telling people how to dress or one who thinks the female form should be hidden etc.

However, they are so short that I would say they are indecent. When she bends over to put the girls in the car seats you can see far more than you should ever wish to see of someone you are not in a romantic relationship with.

I just feel (because I KNOW the school mums from my time on mat leave) people will be laughing at / judging her?

My concern is almost protective. But honestly I am also shocked as they are VERY short and revealing and I would never wear that out. But that is neither here nor there. I do think they are REALLY short though.

My final point is that I LOVE her body confidence and for that alone I feel like I should let her wear whatever she likes and shut my mouth.

I am conflicted.

Please help - kindly - I am not a bad/controlling/judgey person. I just KNOW what the school gate is like (including the pervy dads etc - concrete evidence, heard them perving over the gymnastics teacher in leggings etc) plus judgey mums and/or teachers....

Would you say anything?

OP posts:
OftenHangry · 26/06/2018 11:24

I wonder whether she is actually aware others can see the "and more". Maybe she genuinely didn't realise

colditz · 26/06/2018 11:24

Look at it this way. WOuld you be happy about this exact outfit if she was a young man? Or is it too much Private Area On Display?

I wouldn't want anyone flashing their genitals around my children. I know the type of shorts you mean, I even have some, but they aren't for working in as as soon as you bend over, everyone can see everything, and with small children you have to bend, squat etc.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/06/2018 11:28

I actually think it would be a kinder thing to do to just have a little word and just say, 'you need to be a bit careful bending down/over as your shorts ride up and revealing a bit more than you might want to be'

^ This. It's the gentlest non-judge way of letting her know she is revealing a lot of skin. I am amazed at all the girls that are walking around with their bum cheeks hanging out!

FatBarry · 26/06/2018 11:29

I wouldn't say anything unless she was a Norland nanny and had rolled her skirt up lol. She is clearly comfortable dressed like this, and probably has dressed like this on hot days many times before. Leave her to it.

LaCucarachaa · 26/06/2018 11:32

Oh my god leave her alone, just because you wouldn't be comfortable wearing it doesn't mean she isn't. " I'm not body shaming BUT" is literally the worst, get over yourself.

If she's a good nanny leave her to it, what she wears doesn't impact her job skills at all, if anyone is making rude comments or looking at her strangely then they're the issue not her bloody playsuit. Hmm

AForegoneConclusion · 26/06/2018 11:34

Agree with the gentle way of just pointing out that you can see more than perhaps she would want (she might not know after all!).

SofieMonde · 26/06/2018 11:40

Unless she is auditioning for a Robert Palmer video then I don't think that short is good for work with kids.

Do as the nanny above advised, have a gentle word. Can't believe people go out like this - whatever age- and are oblivious their bits are on display lol
And yes it would be embarrassing to be known as the person with the nanny who bares all

SixHoolaHoops · 26/06/2018 11:41

It doesn't sound very professional/work like (and a nanny is a professional person)

JellyBears · 26/06/2018 11:44

When I’m at work I wear long dresses or shorter dresses with cropped leggings.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 26/06/2018 11:44

No issue with shorts - or short shorts. I agree with the suggestion to give her a heads up that she's revealing quite a lot when she bends over and then leave it up to her as to what she decides to do.

watchingwithinterest · 26/06/2018 11:45

I would mention it too. It is quite mortifying if she does not know.
Better for you to say it kindly than someone with less tact.

watchingwithinterest · 26/06/2018 11:46

I would also be looking for a professional looking nanny not someone dressed for the beach.

BettyBigBollocks · 26/06/2018 11:47

I’m confused about the PP saying it’s none of your business! She’s your employee. I work with children and if I turned up in teeny shorts I’d be sent home to change. And actually I would (and have in the past) say something if a member of my team was dressed inappropriately.

If you genuinely don’t mind and your concern is purely other people’s reactions then just have a quiet word about her bum being displayed when she bends over. I’m sure she’d rather know. It is bloody hot today though, you’re right!

ShotsFired · 26/06/2018 11:48

I agree with the "did you know..." approach.
It could very likely be one of those outfits that hangs fine when standing still in front of the mirror, but as soon as you start to move/bend, it all rides up.

(I was in a shop yesterday and a woman walked ahead of me in shorts that were mm away from showing bum cheek. But the outfit as a whole looked quite smart/officey (nice shoes, handbag, smart blouse etc) and I wondered if the waistband had ridden up more than she realised. Thinking that such an outfit is inappropriate for a specific environment is not judging anyone's character, it's thinking that it's inappropriate for that environment!)

AhoyDelBoy · 26/06/2018 11:50

All this crap about 'body shaming'. She's dressed inappropriately, end of story. Absolutely nothing to do with 'body shaming'. A certain standard of dress is expected while you're working, that's just the way it is and should be. Would parents be ok with a teacher dressed like this? I doubt it. People are going way too far in the wrong direction with this kind of stuff. Stop judging her etc etc they cry! Sorry but people will and do judge. We're all making judgements about her attire now. Don't know how you'd broach the subject tbh OP but YANBU.

MissP103 · 26/06/2018 11:50

Yanbu I would say something to her. If you dont feel this is appropriate around your DC then you should speak up. If she feels offended then oh well tough. If you walked into work like that would it be acceptable? So apply the same here.

Original poster
Eminado · 26/06/2018 11:51

Thank you everyone esp last few posters who understood where I was coming from!

OP posts:
crunchymint · 26/06/2018 11:52

watchingwithinterest Yes because great nannies are so easy to find. In reality it is hard to find great nannies who care very well for your kids. Op has no complaints at all about how her nanny looks after her kids, and that is very important.

SofieMonde · 26/06/2018 11:53

How could she play with them at softplay she would be squeaking down the slides lol at a rather slow pace as the heat and plastic stopped her

SofieMonde · 26/06/2018 11:54

Maybe she is looking for a change of career, point her here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3288751-retired-lap-dancer-ask-me-anything?messages=100&pg=1

flamingofridays · 26/06/2018 11:58

sofie wow what a judgemental comment.

I wouldn't say anything op. I look after my own child whilst wearing playsuits and to be honest its so hot I don't care whether I have flashed my arse at any nursery dads! Maybe she feels the same. Nobody should be looking anyway!

Slightlyjaded · 26/06/2018 12:02

Take the nanny work element out of the equation.

Say

"I hope this doesn't embarrass you, and I am mentioning this as a woman to woman rather than an employer, but when you bend over, I can see your pants. If you don't mind, then I don't mind, but I wasn't sure if you realised."

Original poster
Eminado · 26/06/2018 12:04

flaming i completely agree no one should be looking. Only mentioned the pervy dads to illustrate why I felt a bit defensive of her - they are MORE than old enough to know better but I heard the "bantz" and it was awful - the gym teacher was wearing a sports shirt and nothing more. There was just NO need for the comments, let alone in a school setting a stone's throw away from their own daugthers.

Just because our nanny is young and maybe unaware, I just hated the idea that why would be making gross comments behind her back and she might not be aware and she is really lovely and I have daughters too.

I wont mention it today as she will then feel self conscious all day without a change of clothes - I might say it another day about playsuits in general.

Thanks all for replies.

And to several PP - I am not embarrassed of her and/or judgey thank you, as i say, i have a very similar outfit. I just don't have the confidence to wear it out but that's my issue. So save your sniping for where it's relevant.

I really like her and I am proud she is modelling a good level of body confidence to my DCs.

OP posts:
Tinkobell · 26/06/2018 12:09

Hi - yes I would say something and I think you can do it in a really nice way. Save it until the end of a day otherwise she'll feel very awkward with you all day long.
"Thanks so much for all your help and hard work today xxxx. Just a quick thing, I know it's scorching and we're all boiling, I really like your suit but was wondering if you'd be ok wearing something a bit longer tomorrow? .....nothing wrong with it but perhaps nice to save it for the weekends"

RiddleyW · 26/06/2018 12:11

Someone once had a kind word with me (a looooooong time ago now!) that every time I got paper from under the fax machine I was flashing the office. I was really grateful!