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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nanny Outfit

118 replies

Eminado · 26/06/2018 10:43

This is my first foray into AIBU, please be gentle.

We have lovely, kind professional child carer who takes / collects our DC from/to school and nursery, and takes them out to activities etc.

I have NO issue with any other aspect of her job performance - I trust her, she is kind, my DC like her more than me etc.

The last 2 days have been very warm here and for the last 2 days she has arrived wearing a VERY short playsuit (cute, but very short) and I was wondering if IABU to mention to her that it is REALLY rather short?

I am not bodyshaming and I have learnt a lot about feminism from the boards here so I am not about telling people how to dress or one who thinks the female form should be hidden etc.

However, they are so short that I would say they are indecent. When she bends over to put the girls in the car seats you can see far more than you should ever wish to see of someone you are not in a romantic relationship with.

I just feel (because I KNOW the school mums from my time on mat leave) people will be laughing at / judging her?

My concern is almost protective. But honestly I am also shocked as they are VERY short and revealing and I would never wear that out. But that is neither here nor there. I do think they are REALLY short though.

My final point is that I LOVE her body confidence and for that alone I feel like I should let her wear whatever she likes and shut my mouth.

I am conflicted.

Please help - kindly - I am not a bad/controlling/judgey person. I just KNOW what the school gate is like (including the pervy dads etc - concrete evidence, heard them perving over the gymnastics teacher in leggings etc) plus judgey mums and/or teachers....

Would you say anything?

OP posts:

extinctspecies · 26/06/2018 12:12

If you think she is not aware that she may be revealing more than she intended when she bends over, then I would definitely mention it.

Depending on how your relationship is with her, I would probably say something jokey like "did you mean to give me an eyeful just then" or "gosh, that doesn't leave much to the imagination, does it!"

Fabricwitch · 26/06/2018 12:12

I have worn shorts that looked fine when standing in front of the mirror, but once walking they started to ride up and my butt cheeks could be seen I only knew they'd shown so much because my friend told me.
So, I think it would be reasonable to say something, because she might not realise.
If it was my friend I would ask if they knew their butt cheeks were on show, if they said yes, then I'd probably tell them they looked great! (Even if I didn't think they did)
Depending on your relationship with your nanny I'm not sure exactly how you could ask without upsetting her but if you can think of a good way I think it's a reasonable thing to ask incase she doesn't realise.

Tinkobell · 26/06/2018 12:13

My DD17 is always emerging with too short shorts and skirts....I worry about these upskirt pervs esp as she travels on the train. Def say something....she's young and sometimes they awareness of straying eyes and see the rest of the world a bit too innocently.

pasturesgreen · 26/06/2018 12:13

I would mention it, same as I would if a junior colleague came into the office wearing a skimpy playsuit. It's not about body shaming, there are clothes you can't wear to work, full stop.

Amanduh · 26/06/2018 12:14

Doesn’t sound like the wide bottomed playsuit is too short/revealing more that it’s a problem when she bends down and as pp said maybe she doesn’t realise!

fruitbrewhaha · 26/06/2018 12:14

When you say cheeks and more, do you mean lots of bum cheek, or actually undercarriage? Can you see her knickers? or are there not enough knickers to covers the bits?

If you can see bits, I'd just say, gosh when you bend over I can see what you had a for breakfast.

It's quite the fashion now to have cheeks on display, it's the new cleavage, but no one wants their hairy bum hole on display.

Deshasafraisy · 26/06/2018 12:15

Maybe she is blissfully unaware that it is so revealing. Maybe she would be horrified to find out and would be grateful that you care enough about her to not let her walk around showing more than she is aware of.
So many people wear those leggings that are practically see through and I’m sure that most of the time they are unaware that they are so transparent.
If it was me I would appreciate someone letting me know.

UserX · 26/06/2018 12:16

I am not bodyshaming and I have learnt a lot about feminism from the boards here so I am not about telling people how to dress or one who thinks the female form should be hidden etc.

But you think she should put it away when the dads are looking? Why didn’t you confront the trash-talkings dads instead of expecting women to change their behavior?

There is no way to tell her this without sounding disapproving so I’d just leave it and avert your eyes if it bothers you so much.

ReservoirDogs · 26/06/2018 12:17

I'd be more worried that my kids were going to a school where Dads are pervy and mums are judgey personally.

SugarIsAmazing · 26/06/2018 12:24

Bet your hubby doesn't mind

drspouse · 26/06/2018 12:25

If you don't think she realises her pants are showing (or not covering stuff) it's worth a quick mention.
Otherwise, it's a job where she should be wearing what she'd wear at home, as long as she can crawl around on the floor in it.

MarshaBradyo · 26/06/2018 12:26

Will it make her feel bad?

Atm she is a great nanny, will you be able to say it in a way where she doesn’t dislike you a little bit?

Enthusiasm for a job is a rare thing and best protected over other stuff like this

Stopandlook · 26/06/2018 12:26

Surely she has pants on?
I wouldn’t say anything unless it was in my nature to make personal comments. In which case it would just come out and she wouldn’t be surprised or embarrassed.
If you have to think twice about saying something, I wouldn’t. It’s hot out!

Sparklyshoes16 · 26/06/2018 12:34

Yes I would say something. I wouldn't want to have to look at someone's arse hanging out of their clothes.

*This^^
*
Seriously there is no harm in saying I'm not sure if you're aware but I can see a bit too much when you bend over would you mind wearing something a bit longer next time...that's it no fuss/drama and you've set your expectations...you are her employer...

A few nights ago I was sat at a friend's house for drinks and BBQ... her DH had just come back from running 'classic friends moment' where he was sat and I could see everything!! I just said mate put it away will ya and we burst out laughing once he realised...he was also mortified! I did it that way as we know each other all very well so no offence caused!

At my nieces 21st last year one of her friends turned up in a top where the bottom bit of her breasts hang out (I admit I was surprised to find this is a top you can buy)...it was a family party with a lot of younger and older relatives there...she was subtly took to one side by my sister and and asked to cover up which she did with some top with holes in (really don't get fashion nowadays why buy something for £200 with holes in that looks like it's been caught on something sharp in the washer??)...it wasn't done nastily it was just a simple it's not appropriate for this venue sorry...a church community hall with the Vicar that had christened my Neice all those years ago!

I just don't get this obsession about being called a prude if you're asking someone to just have a bit of common sense when it comes to dress sense...

If my boss/client had to speak to me about something I was wearing was inappropriate particularly if it was showing my bum cheeks I'd be mortified not offended!

Op go for it and just tell her what you want to say...

gillybeanz · 26/06/2018 12:36

Buy her some of the ass bling from Primark, she'll know her cheeks are showing then

topsalad · 26/06/2018 12:55

@Eminado do you have anything in her employment contract about appropriate dress? When I took on a nanny I downloaded a standard contract from the internet, and there was a clause in it. If so, Yanbu to say something. If not, then it probably wouldn't be the right thing to do (though you perhaps could say something on health and safety grounds - have you considered the hygiene implications for your sofa? ).

Aeroflotgirl · 26/06/2018 12:59

I agree with the nanny on here, if it is a one off, fine, but if she keeps turning up to work dressed inappropriately, I would have to say something. After all you are her employer and she is at work, and usually work has a dress code. Just tell her to wear something longer tomorrow as what she is wearing is too short.

user1467718508 · 26/06/2018 13:06

I'm a bit mouth-agape at this.

Right now she's clearly comfortable, and (mercifully) unaware of your judgement; please don't ruin that.

You don't have a contracted dress code, she's an adult, and it's not affecting her work. That's the end of it.

On an aside, being judged and shamed - however well intended - is a rancid feeling, and I guarantee it will affect her opinion of you.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/06/2018 13:10

Would you turn up to a nursery or pre school for work like this, no, so as op is the employer she is entitled to have some form of dress code.

Original poster

Eminado · 26/06/2018 13:15

UserX

Not sure why you are jumping to conclusions - you don't know me or what I said / didn't say. But thank you.

Not wearing pants - to those who asked - but maybe smaller undies, didn't really look!

OP posts:

UserX · 26/06/2018 13:27

Eminado so you did call out the other parents on their inappropriate comments? Good for you!

Original poster

Eminado · 26/06/2018 13:29

@ReservoirDog you sound like you would fit right in with the mums at our school gate that I am referring to - bitchy, making sharp snipey comments with no basic information/background information/any knowledge - just for the sake of it.

OP posts:

Sparklyshoes16 · 26/06/2018 13:30

Can some one please explain why this is being judgey? That's not me being goady...I honestly can't see why Op would be judgey asking an employee to wear something longer to cover up a wee bit? whether it's in her contract or not to dress appropriately...I must be really old fashioned to think turning up to work in something your backside or whatever else is hanging out of is just not appropriate...why is this judgey?

Do we not judge things every day of our lives? People, places, service...foods...Yesterday I thought an orange honey and sesame salad looked nice and the shredded red cabbage with some bizarre furry leaf thing hanging off it didn't...I was judging the fact that the one from M&S sounded and looked nicer than the one from Tesco?

People judge is it not part of our natural curiosity?

Original poster

Eminado · 26/06/2018 13:31

@UserX - I didn't "call them out" I said - "hey, excuse me - do you mind?". But am sure that is not good enough for you. I don't know them and they don't know me - all we have in common is waiting at the school gates at the same time the gym teacher emerged. But yes, I found it gross and that is what I said. Sorry if that is not good enough for you.

OP posts:

halfwitpicker · 26/06/2018 13:33

I'd say something.

She's at work! Not frolicking on the prom.

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