Nanny Outfit

[Eminado]

This is my first foray into AIBU, please be gentle.

We have lovely, kind professional child carer who takes / collects our DC from/to school and nursery, and takes them out to activities etc.

I have NO issue with any other aspect of her job performance - I trust her, she is kind, my DC like her more than me etc.

The last 2 days have been very warm here and for the last 2 days she has arrived wearing a VERY short playsuit (cute, but very short) and I was wondering if IABU to mention to her that it is REALLY rather short?

I am not bodyshaming and I have learnt a lot about feminism from the boards here so I am not about telling people how to dress or one who thinks the female form should be hidden etc.

However, they are so short that I would say they are indecent. When she bends over to put the girls in the car seats you can see far more than you should ever wish to see of someone you are not in a romantic relationship with.

I just feel (because I KNOW the school mums from my time on mat leave) people will be laughing at / judging her?

My concern is almost protective. But honestly I am also shocked as they are VERY short and revealing and I would never wear that out. But that is neither here nor there. I do think they are REALLY short though.

My final point is that I LOVE her body confidence and for that alone I feel like I should let her wear whatever she likes and shut my mouth.

I am conflicted.

Please help - kindly - I am not a bad/controlling/judgey person. I just KNOW what the school gate is like (including the pervy dads etc - concrete evidence, heard them perving over the gymnastics teacher in leggings etc) plus judgey mums and/or teachers....

Would you say anything?

I would probably just let her know that when she bends over, the back rides up quite a bit.

It's not judgemental, just informative. I've had people say it to me when I've worn dresses before and I change how I bend in those dresses because nobody needs to see my fat arse

sorry if that is not good enough for you.

Anything is better than nothing. At least you let them know you heard, they’ll think twice next time. Why are you so defensive?

UserX

Why are you so defensive?

Because you are attacking me for something that I didn't do (I am not a dad, nor a pervy one) that I am not responsible for.
Also - this was not the point of my post. So you are just being horrible for the sake of it.

And that is disheartening actually, because I posted genuinely. But you, instead of being helpful, are joining in the with the kicking brigade

• am i the dad (WTF?)
• bet my husband didn't mind (so my husband is a pervy Neanderthal with no respect for women or me)
• i wouldn't want my kids to go to school with pervy dads and judgey mums (fuck off - tell that to the local authority)

You @UserX are taking a post that was about something else and making it about ME and what I did / didn't do with zero context/knowledge. And that's horrible, imho.

I would tell her. I work with kids and am very aware of how I dress. It might be hot but she still needs to dress professionally, even if that just means making sure her arse and boobs are covered. Just politely mention you could see a bit too much of her so could she please be a bit more careful next time. The pervs will find a way to perv but I get what you mean, if that was a friend you’d tell her so I don’t think that’s nasty at all.

You @UserX are taking a post that was about something else and making it about ME and what I did / didn't do with zero context/knowledge. And that's horrible, imho.

I think you’ll find that I simply said, from my reading of your own post, that you are judging her and you should not say anything about her outfit. Then I congratulated you on calling out the trash talking dads, which I think was well done.

You asked for opinions. My opinion is you should not ask your nanny to dress more modestly. My other opinion is that anyone who says “I’m not body shaming” is, in fact, body shaming. If you have to preface your post like that, you already know it’s problematic.

Maelstrop Tue 26-Jun-18 11:09:00
The way your childminder dresses is none of your business. No, you shouldn't say anything and you sound judgey yourself, covering it in 'Oh, the other school mums are bitches and will jusdge her'. Yeah, right.

People do judge though.

I do, and I'll admit that. When I see young, young teens walking around with their arse cheeks hanging out, I judge - and if they are with their parents, I judge them too for letting their kids walk around like that.

Nothing to do with the 'men should control themselves' issue but just general modesty/self respect.

And I'm no prude, the shit I wore when a teenager was a bit near the mark, but me & my mates, we'd have never walked around with it all on show like young people do nowadays. Our tops were low, and our skirts were short, but not a level with what they are now.

Maybe she doesn't realise just how revealing it is (i.e unaware f the view you get when she's bending over putting the children in the car).
I think maybe she would appreciate you telling her gently, but how to actually point it out without her taking it the wrong way may be difficult.
I think if I was young and unaware how revealing my outfit was then I would definitely hope someone would tell me.

Those who work with children are saying that this attire would not be professional in the work place, and just because she is employed by a family and not by an organisation, does not make it any different. She is paid by the op to do her job well, and be professional, and part of that is they way in which she dresses. Be glad she is not a Norland Nanny, then she would be required to wear a brown dress.

I would though, think about how you approach it with her, and do this with the utmost sensitivity. It is not appropriate to be revealing her bottom if she is bending down to help your child.

I used to wear leggings with my usual thong-style pants underneath, looked fine in the mirror indoors. It was only when I joined a gym class and got an eyeful from the lady in front of me that I realised just how see-through leggings can be in natural light (we were near the windows) when you're not standing still and holding yourself straight. I'd have been very grateful if someone had gently told me earlier!

God I would say something to get her to put her arse away, without a doubt. But then I am not shy about things like that.

Other jobs require employees to wear appropriate attire, so I don't see why a nanny shouldn't as well.

Right now she's clearly comfortable, and (mercifully) unaware of your judgement; please don't ruin that.

I really don't think ignorance is always bliss. I'd be eternally grateful if someone told me that I was displaying more of myself than I wanted to. And when I did find out, I'd wonder why no-one had spared me the embarrassment earlier.

She should dress appropriately for her job. I'd be embarrassed if she was picking my children up from school with her backside hanging out.

Not sure when commenting on inappropriate dress became body and victim blaming, it's ok to tell someone that having things on show isn't appropriate if it's in a situation where it isn't.

I'm a nanny and part of the job is to dress appropriately, especially when out with the children. You're her employer at the end of the day, just tell her you love her work, you wouldn't want to embarrass her at all but the playsuits she's worn we're slightly too revealing when she's doing certain tasks. I would rather my family tell me than leave me to it looking silly. No harm in saying she looks lovely in them, but they're just too short for when out and about having to bend over with the children. She probably doesn't realise. Be warm, not strict

She's got to learn some time!

MeMyShelfandIkea Tue 26-Jun-18 14:12:22
I used to wear leggings with my usual thong-style pants underneath, looked fine in the mirror indoors. It was only when I joined a gym class and got an eyeful from the lady in front of me that I realised just how see-through leggings can be in natural light (we were near the windows) when you're not standing still and holding yourself straight. I'd have been very grateful if someone had gently told me earlier!

I learned this when I got an eyeful when we were all doing stretches after a class. The woman didn't have knickers on and her tights were very see through.

Yes ignorance is not always bliss, sometimes it is better to inform the person.

I am doing the school run in teeny tiny shorts, OP. And just to scandalise you a little further you can see my tattoos.
I have a lovely arse though. I am sure the school dads are not looking at my bum.
I don't think you can tell her directly without upsetting her. You might need to have one of those sneaky 'i saw someone wearing xxx it was awful cos you could see more than expected.'

I am amazed by how many people think it’s fine to dress with your arse hanging out, let alone at work! Who gives a damn if it’s not an office environment, she is working around children and will have to bend over frequently, and bending over she is showing her bottom. It’s really unacceptable and I would say something politely as she may not know!

Stripper are you nanny or work in a nursery. Would you dress like that for work!

It's inappropriate to wear a short playsuit to work! Playsuits and hot-pants are for the beach. I would have a gentle word, eg
'I don't think you've realised dear, but when you bend over your playsuit rides up and reveals everything. Please would you wear something else tomorrow'

I hate this reluctance to ‘get involved’. Every single person on this thread would rather be told if they’d missed a button and their boob was hanging out, or that their skirt was completely see through when they bend over.

Tell her to be careful when bending over as it’s revealing a bit more than she probably wants. It’s not her fault, but she won’t know till someone tells her. I’d rather that be me than some lechy perv.

I just don't believe that there's any value in bringing it up.

Personally, I can't imagine who could possibly be hurt by her playsuit, and I don't believe that a woman would wear something as short as the OP has described, without being aware of the associated risks.

If people are looking/perving/disrespecting, then all I can say is they have their own issues to deal with.

The 'I just know I'd want someone to tell me!! I don't know if you're aware, but you're showing your bum' farce is (IMO), judgement, very badly disguised as thoughtfulness, with a fat layer of condescension on top.

To make a judgement is by definition to form an opinion or conclusion. The fact that it's on something entirely unrelated to her work, and, let's face it, firmly in the realms of 'you-have-too-much-on-show' makes this a definite case of 'I've deemed what you're wearing to be inappropriate, and I'm commenting on it'...

If you do tell her don’t be surprised if she quits!