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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About Nanny spending money?

150 replies

Bubbinsmakesthree · 25/06/2018 20:36

We employ a nanny to look after 2 DC. She's really great but it's a massive expense for us (we pay her more than I earn). We are cutting back massively to afford it and going without day to day treats (always take a packed lunch to work, never buy takeaway coffee etc). I leave the nanny a kitty to spend as she sees fit but she's easily spending £20 a week on meals out etc - they'll have lunch in a cafe when they could easily have had a picnic, or stop in Starbucks whilst the younger one is napping in the buggy. It grates a bit for her to be indulging in what I'm sacrificing.

Am I being petty or a soft touch?

OP posts:
lastnightidreamtofpotatoes · 25/06/2018 23:51

I must be old but do dc really need to do a paid activity every day? All the posters saying 'I could easily spend £20 a day', well yes we all could but is it necessary? Do people not do picnics in the park, library visits, bike rides any more? I notice on YouTube fami!he's seem to take their dc to Costa/Starbucks etc several times a week as a norm. When I was young 20 years ago those were treats, not standard. I'm shocked that a nanny would pay for her coffees out of the kitty too. You just need to let her know your limitations.

RailReplacementBusService · 25/06/2018 23:53

I think you just need to say a more packaged version of what you’ve said in your last post. That you need to keep costs down and you’re looking to continue what you were doing re activities and food. And that 40-50pw is more far more than you can budget for. Your nanny almost certainly doesn’t realise her expectation is different to yours, probably because you’ve never spelt it out fully because you didn’t realise you had to.

Charolais · 25/06/2018 23:55

You be your children’s nanny and keep all the nanny money for yourself. Let your children bond with you instead of the nanny and take them out for treats.

crunchymint · 25/06/2018 23:56

Just tell her how much is okay to spend per week and ask her to stick to it. She probably nannied before for a family that spent this amount. Some families who have nannies expect their nanny to take the children to organised activities every or nearly every day. This just needs communication.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 25/06/2018 23:57

Charlois.

Children can 'bond' with more than one care-giver Hmm A nanny is hardly a new, modern concept, is it?

ForgivenessIsDivine · 26/06/2018 06:51

Post this in the Childcare / Nannies section.

I can understand that you resent her spending money on things that you cannot afford to do for yourself. Completely normal.

However, the amount you are talking about is quite small and not unusual for a nanny to have the occasional coffee from the kitty . I think you should have a chat to your nanny so resentment doesn't build. Perhaps you could suggest no lunches out and limit cafe trips to once a week?

SoftBallSophie · 26/06/2018 07:11

I can understand why you feel resentful of money spent while you are at work with a packed lunch.

However, she is not spending a huge amount and it is good the DC are being taken out and about and nanny is enjoying her time with them.

Although the young years arm expensive, it won't be long before your DC are in full time school, it becomes so much cheaper then in just a few short years.

I don't understand why you are working for less than the nanny earns, instead of just looking after your own children, but that's your own choice.

RedForFilth · 26/06/2018 07:56

Completely understand why you want to keep working. Those saying you should stay at home would be the first to say you should have kept working If you and your partner split up!

I also wouldn't dream of spending money allocated for activities etc on stuff for myself! The nanny should be purchasing her own Starbucks if that's what she wants as I can't imagine the kids are overly fussed about it!

Believeitornot · 26/06/2018 08:02

Is your salary less than your nanny’s or is it after you’ve paid for your nanny, you have less than she does per month - that’s a very different thing @Bubbinsmakesthree

(That’s the case for me and our nanny - eg my salary is £3k a month, nanny costs £1.7k a month = £1.3k left which is “lower” than nanny but it isn’t really as I’ve funded another salary!)

Just speak to your nanny. You may need to look at changing the arrangement if you can’t afford a sensible level of kitty. I.e have a childminder instead.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 26/06/2018 08:04

Op you are being a soft touch, if more than your wages go in her then what money is left for you and your dh and kids?..

Pay her her wage only, if she wants treats then let it come out of her wage...why should you live in financial hardship so she can have treats that you don't even have yourself?

diddl · 26/06/2018 08:14

"most days we would walk to a toddler group in the morning for £1-2, lunch at home, home or park in afternoon"

So ask your nanny to be doing that.

Original poster
Bubbinsmakesthree · 26/06/2018 08:14

My net salary is lower than the nanny's gross salary. So I earn more than she does but we are worse off financially by me being at work once we've paid nanny net pay + tax NI and pension. That's before nanny expenses.

It's not sustainable but it is not supposed to be - it's to get us through the next 18 months before oldest starts school.

OP posts:
JessieMcJessie · 26/06/2018 08:18

Hold on...the reason you don’t have Starbucks or sit down lunches yourself is because your employer doesn’t provide them to you for free. And that is entirely normal. So why do you fund lunches and Starbucks for your own employee?

Skydiving · 26/06/2018 08:21

Toddler groups are often £3.00 per child. A couple of those a week and there’s over half the budget gone.
Factor in a couple of ice creams at the park and I hardly think she’s living the high life on the changer of £20.00.
It could be embarrassing if you pull her and actually she’s been paying for her own coffee at Starbucks.

BarbaraofSevillle · 26/06/2018 08:33

If you can't afford for the Nanny to be spending £20 a week on paid activities and Starbucks, you can't afford it. And it's definitely galling if she's having luxuries you can't have yourself.

You also mention £40-50 pw. That's £200 pm and you say the current situation is likely to be for around 18 months. If this overspend continues, it could lead to you being in debt for over £3k simply down to your Nanny being a bit freer than you can afford with petty cash.

And those things are luxuries if you're on a tight budget. It might only be a couple of quid here and there, but it adds up and such things are vastly more expensive than picnics, flasks and free activities. Just because others spend lots of coffee, soft play etc, doesn't mean it's compulsory and you'll have to explain the situation to the Nanny before you do end up in debt.

Can you get a season ticket to a local attraction or two that your DCs enjoy. Sometimes you only need to go a couple of times for them to pay for themselves and end up being a cheap day out. Also make sure you have suitable lunchboxes and reusable cups so she can take a drink from home.

JustVent · 26/06/2018 08:34

I don’t think you should provide the £20

I mean, you pay for soft play etc anyway I think you said? So I’m not sure what the £20 was every supposed to be for?
Just explain how broke you are right now and you might have to stop the £20 —forever— for a couple of weeks.

famousfour · 26/06/2018 08:35

It's perfectly fine to say you prefer her to take packed lunches where possible and keep cafe lunches as exceptions or treats. I would say the same and my nanny doesn't cost more than my income. I wouldn't begrudge the odd coffee, but a daily one I would say something about.

HellenaHandbasket · 26/06/2018 08:39

The OP has clarified that this expenditure is in addition to activity costs.

Larrythecat · 26/06/2018 10:14

I don't think £4 per day is a lot for two children and an adult. It's easy to spend that in one return bus ticket, one treat for the kids or an extra drink if it's hot. It's not enough for two cheap children packed lunches from any supermarket.

I think you are being a tiny bit unreasonable and maybe jealous of the time she's spending with the kids. I think you are picturing in your head a great time at a cafe and maybe romanticising it because you are not there, but it's likely a lot more rushed and messy than you think and with fewer luxuries than you've pictured.

SugarIsAmazing · 26/06/2018 10:21

If you can afford to pay the nanny more than you earn, why don't you just stay home with your children?
You'll be the sane financially and you'd spend more time with your children, plus you'd save the money the nanny was spending in cafes.

Larrythecat · 26/06/2018 10:24

Actually, re-reading my post, I have realized it comes across a bit snippy. Not my intention. Probably "jealous" is not the right word. I also work and have 2 DC. My DH insists that we will be better off if I just stop and be a SAHM, but it's just not me and I can't have a 2-3 year gap and expect to go back. I love my kids to bits but I don't think I have the skills and patience to do what nursery does. I'm sure if my brain weren't engaged in work and career, I'd feel differently.

I couldn't afford a nanny but had a babysitter around occasionally for a few hours, to allow me to work. she used to buy stuff for them from Poundland and an ice lolly, so it was always a constant drip of money. In hindsight, I probably should have put limits but I was happy that my kids were having fun as opposed to watching the TV whilst I worked. I have ended up with a massive debt out of nursery costs, though, so maybe I should have stopped thinking £4 is not that much and be more careful with the expenditure!

Larrythecat · 26/06/2018 10:26

Clarification: I could work from home a couple of days a week. I didn't leave my kids watching TV whilst I left for work

HellenaHandbasket · 26/06/2018 10:31

Sugar the OP has explained a fair few times now that she doesn't want to give up work, which is completely fair enough.

crunchymint · 26/06/2018 10:37

Jessie It is perfectly normal if employees are working away from home, for employers to provide drinks.

LagunaBubbles · 26/06/2018 10:44

Don’t you want to look after them yourself while they are little? Is your job really nicer than doing that?

Oh ffs theres always one isnt there. Hmm

Let your children bond with you instead of the nanny and take them out for treats

Yes because children that are in childcare cant possibly bond with their own parents eh? Hmm No Im wrong theres 2 on this thread.

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