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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About Nanny spending money?

150 replies

Bubbinsmakesthree · 25/06/2018 20:36

We employ a nanny to look after 2 DC. She's really great but it's a massive expense for us (we pay her more than I earn). We are cutting back massively to afford it and going without day to day treats (always take a packed lunch to work, never buy takeaway coffee etc). I leave the nanny a kitty to spend as she sees fit but she's easily spending £20 a week on meals out etc - they'll have lunch in a cafe when they could easily have had a picnic, or stop in Starbucks whilst the younger one is napping in the buggy. It grates a bit for her to be indulging in what I'm sacrificing.

Am I being petty or a soft touch?

OP posts:
Semster · 25/06/2018 22:03

Er you just go back to the agency you hired this nanny from and get a new one? Hiring a nanny isn’t rocket science.

There's one agency near me that you can hire a nanny through. Their finders fee is $1000.

TheAntiBoop · 25/06/2018 22:03

This is why you need receipts - then you can see where you can make sure you have enough food in, find cheaper activities etc

£20 a week is almost £1,000 a year. That's quite a whack on top of what you will be paying for the nanny in terms of salary, NI, pension etc.

Have you looked into paying her in childcare vouchers?

LeighaJ · 25/06/2018 22:08

As others mentioned if you don't talk to her about it then she'll assume it's not a problem.

So talk to her about it, it's not too late, rules change at other jobs so why should she be excluded from that?

The suggestions to replace her over this or how much you pay her are so ridiculous. Like good nannies your kids like just fall from the sky Mary Poppins style. Hmm

Original poster
Bubbinsmakesthree · 25/06/2018 22:09

I think the PP who said 'is it because it's Starbucks?' has it about right and I am just feeling a bit resentful that I'm paying her to drink the lattes I can't afford to buy for myself. If we had to pay her an extra 50p an hour we'd think she was worth it!

For those questioning it's about £20 a week on food/drinks out + more on things like entry to soft play etc. There's always plenty of food in for packed lunches and she's only been with us during the summer months so picnicking outdoors is an easy option!

Thanks for all the input - general impression is it's not a piss take but I could have a gentle word about preferring picnics whilst the weather is nice to save the kitty for a (literal) rainy day.

DC adore her and we have no other quibbles other than being broke, so I don't want to sour a good relationship over the odd panini and coffee.

OP posts:
Racecardriver · 25/06/2018 22:13

I would just maybe come at it from the 'the kitty is for activities not food' angle. I'm sure that of you explain to her that you are finding it difficult finacially and for this reason you would aprreciate it if she could economise by being packed lunches on days out and save the kitty money for activities, transport and other things she can't bring from home she will understand.

RailReplacementBusService · 25/06/2018 22:16

I completely get it OP, I really do. Good you're going to talk to her but I wouldn't water down the messaging too much otherwise she won't necessarily get the point.

eurochick · 25/06/2018 22:17

I don't think it's that bad for two kids. On top of her salary we also pay expenses (usually around £120 a month) - mostly mileage. And she has kitty for incidentals. We tend to put around £50 a month in, but that's just for one child. It covers soft play and toddler group fees, drinks and snacks if needed when out, that sort of thing. She mostly takes food and drink from home though.

Original poster
Bubbinsmakesthree · 25/06/2018 22:17

The suggestions to replace her over this or how much you pay her are so ridiculous. Like good nannies your kids like just fall from the sky Mary Poppins style

Every single childcare AIBU has someone saying 'find a new nanny / childminder / nursery!'. Every friendship AIBU has 'dump them and find new friends!'. It's more common than 'LTB!'.

OP posts:
nannynick · 25/06/2018 22:17

Budgeting is a skill we should all have. Not unreasonable to expect your nanny to stick to a budget. £20 a week is actually a bit less than I usually suggest for two children but it would include activities cost.

Talk to them. They are not a mind reader. They don't know you are concerned about the expenditure. They may well be happy to track all expenditure for a few weeks so you all see what the money is being spent on . Receipts for toddler group and things like that are impractical but keeping a note of payments is certainly possible for a short period of time.
I know that one toddler group we went to was £3, another was £1.50, another was £1.

Spending £20 a week in Starbucks would not buy much food. If it's being used to buy food then maybe going to a supermarket would be better to get things the children eat - a lot of cucumber in this hot weather I expect.

Don't let things nag you, raise small concerns before they get chance to fester. Allocate a budget, reduce it if necessary.

eurochick · 25/06/2018 22:18

That should say "we also pay our nanny"

PuddlesOfBud · 25/06/2018 22:25

I think it’s probably a bit too late to set the law down now. Maybe replace the nanny with a cheaper one and then give them a strict budget

If your boss messed up explaining a minor aspect of your role when they hired you, do you think the sensible thing would be to fire you, or discuss it and move on?

craxmum · 25/06/2018 22:30

£20 a week seems a bit on the lower side. When I had a nanny for two children, it was around £10 a day allowance for transportation and out of pocket expenses, and seemed to be the market rate.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/06/2018 22:38

If I were a nanny and someone gave me a £20 budget, I would assume they wanted it spent.

From her point of view, you could be rolling in dosh and judging her if she fails to do enough exciting things with your children - how is she to know?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 25/06/2018 22:40

Harriet.

My nanny spends less than that looking after more children than the op has. (Granted she drives one of my cars so no fuel costs) if she goes out its usually to somewhere free and she takes packed lunches.
She been working for me for over 20 years and whilst I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at her using the kitty cash card for her own food and drink out and about she wouldn’t dream of it.

She’s awesome my kids have great fun with her and I’ve never once felt she’s lacking in any way because she’s very budget aware

HarrietKettleWasHere · 25/06/2018 22:48

It depends on your expectations though doesn't it. I work in central London. Lots of stuff is free. Lots of stuff isn't. I have a boss that likes them to do a good mix of stuff away from the home (they have zoo cards and national trust so we make a lot of use of those) I'll take a packed lunch but would I buy myself a drink/coffee out of the kitty while out and about? Well yes of course I would.

applesandpears56 · 25/06/2018 22:55

I think you need to treat yourself to a Starbucks once a week! Smile

Notso · 25/06/2018 22:56

I leave the nanny a kitty to spend as she sees fit but she's easily spending £20 a week on meals out etc...

She's spending the money as she see's fit which is what you have asked her to do, no?
She will continue unless you ask her to do otherwise.

Cherrysherbet · 25/06/2018 23:02

Sounds like it might be cheaper for you to look after your own children?

yorkshireyummymummy · 25/06/2018 23:12

It seems that working and having a nanny is a luxury you can’t afford.
Since it’s aactually costing you to work why don’t you look after your children for a few years and go back to work when they are at school??

Don’t you want to look after them yourself while they are little? Is your job really nicer than doing that?

If your job is that important to you then I agree with other posters- a nanny is not ‘ all inclusive ‘ . There are ‘add on ‘ costs which have to be factored in and you need to reconsider if you can afford it.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 25/06/2018 23:15

Why do we have to make mums feel shit about going back to work?

Some people can't have the luxury of being away from their careers and picking up where they left off. Why is no one saying 'can't their Dad go part time/be a SAHD?' Why does the mum get the flack for the childcare options? Like it's so simple/appealing for women to stay at home and bake cakes with the kids all day?

I despair at times, I really do.

Original poster
Bubbinsmakesthree · 25/06/2018 23:22

Apart from Starbucks resentment I think it has come a bit of a shock that petrol + activities + food out is coming in around £40-£50pw. When I was on maternity leave most days we would walk to a toddler group in the morning for £1-2, lunch at home, home or park in afternoon. So average expenditure was under £10pw.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bubbinsmakesthree · 25/06/2018 23:23

Don’t you want to look after them yourself while they are little? Is your job really nicer than doing that?

No and yes. HTH Smile

OP posts:
JennyWoodentop · 25/06/2018 23:25

Sounds like it might be cheaper for you to look after your own children?

short term pain, long term gain????

OP said she values her career. It may be worth it to her to pay high child care costs for pre school kids for a few years in order to remain on her career path. If she goes part time or stops working until the kids are at school she may not get back into work at the same level again.

Is it so hard to understand some of the reasons women with young children work, even if for a few years they may lose out financially? Being a SAHM is not the answer for everyone, though it may be the right choice for some.

Original poster
Bubbinsmakesthree · 25/06/2018 23:30

Longer answer: what Jenny said.

I have a very niche job which I love and I can't just take a couple of years off and go back to it. Not least because I'd have hit my head against the wall so many times in sheer frustration at the DC that I wouldn't have adequate braincells remaining to do it.

OP posts:
squidgesquodge · 25/06/2018 23:49

It sounds as though you need to have a word with her about the budget overall. As a pp has said, different families have different budgets and different expectations of what a nanny should do with their DC and what it should cost. And different nannies have different views on what is reasonable and what they should pay for themselves. A friend had a complete shock when her first nanny left as she had taken advantage of NT and local attraction membership and hosted lots of nanny friends and their charges at her or went to theirs and then the next nanny thought nothing of taking a 3yo on a 60 mile round day trip to an expensive attraction and buying lunch for them both there.
If you like your nanny - as you appear to - make it clear what the overall monthly max is so that she can decide what she wants to spend on regular activities & where she wants to scrimp so that she can splash out on one off type things if relevant