About Nanny spending money?

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

We employ a nanny to look after 2 DC. She's really great but it's a massive expense for us (we pay her more than I earn). We are cutting back massively to afford it and going without day to day treats (always take a packed lunch to work, never buy takeaway coffee etc). I leave the nanny a kitty to spend as she sees fit but she's easily spending £20 a week on meals out etc - they'll have lunch in a cafe when they could easily have had a picnic, or stop in Starbucks whilst the younger one is napping in the buggy. It grates a bit for her to be indulging in what I'm sacrificing.

Am I being petty or a soft touch?

Just talk to her. She will probably be mortified.

Why should she be mortified?

Having worked as a nanny. I would buy myself a drink /food with my money . If we went somewhere where you had to pay entrance then I would use the kitty for all of us, if I did a small food shop for them I would use the kitty, toddler groups etc.
The family I worked for paid for me to have membership to the local farm park along with their kids. We would visit every week and the annual membership fee was about four visits worth . If the nanny is going 30+ times a year it is a cheap day out. I would take picnic and just buy a drink with my money and ices occasionally with kitty for kids.

Do you expect her to be always out & about/at activities with them so that having lunch at home would be difficult?

Nothing to do with HMrC or expenses and I don’t think she’ll believe that for a second

I also don’t think £20 a week is a lot- the impression I get is that the £20
Maybe isn’t lasting all week though?

Agree all you can do is talk to her. But, she’s going to need some cash, unless you pay direct for classes etc, and make them all packed food and drinks.

Sorry by “them all” I didn’t mean the nanny too lol

Why should she be mortified?

that there has been this mismatch in communications/expectations.

Sorry things are so tight op. I don't think you are neither petty nor a soft touch. Of course you shouldn't have to cut yourself to the bone whilst they have lunches out and coffees in cafes etc but are you sure that's whee the money is going? Tbh with two dc £20 a week could very easily go on toddler groups /stay and play etc. It's only £4 a day which could easily be a sports group, music session, and a couple of toddler groups a week. The only thing you can really do is talk to her and make her aware how much this cuts into your budget. Ask her to take picnics, seek out the cheapest activities and maybe limit them to 2-3 times a week?

She's hardly been paying for afternoon tea at the Ritz has she? A few Starbucks and cafe lunches out (and for £20 it can't be many) which OP would rather were slightly curbed. She has not been told any different and has been provided with a kitty. Lack of communication so far from employer about where and how far that money should go is not something the poor nanny should feel 'mortified' about.

£20 a week? I could easily spend that a day with my two, without doing a huge amount. What do you expect her to use that money for?

As an ex nanny yanbu.

If nanny is out with kids she shouldn't be using your money for her Starbucks etc. The money imo is for kids if they need something. She can buy her own coffee and meals if not willing to take from home.

Tell her.

I don’t think £20 a WEEK is very much really so she wasn’t BU to assume that was ok. Just speak to her. But yeah, a coffee at soft play and sandwich for everyone on your walk to the park and another coffee while hiding out from the weather at a museum is £20 already. She really isn’t spending much per day on extras. But obviously nannies are crazy expensive to begin with and if that £20 tips you over the edge discuss with her.

£20 a week is not much to entertain/feed 2 kids for a week. Last time we went to soft play a few weeks ago I spent £15 inckuding entrance fee for one child and lunch for both of us.

£20 a week... are you certain she is using it to buy HER coffee? Or is she paying for the DC stuff from the kitty then putting in the rest herself, as (unsure where you live and prices might be different) but I couldn't stretch £20 that far. I would definitely ask her to provide receipts from now on, just claim it's something to do with HMRC or whatever and just say you'd like to go over what the kitty should be used for quickly just "covering all bases" or "making sure we're on the same page" friendly light chat. She won't be offended :)

She’s spending £20 on multiple meals out for 3? Surely £20 a week wouldn’t even pay for soft play for 2 and another activity?
If money is tight then why are you paying a nanny more than your wage? I get that you value your job but you’re basically paying to do it and struggling financially

Perhaps you need to think that a Nanny is not a full cost of childcare in the way that a childminder or nursery is, the Nanny's wage is just the start, then the additional costs will be added on that, rather than the entertainment /food/travel costs being part of the amount you pay.

Perhaps think if a Nanny is the best option for your family if you can't really afford it.

Op I'm in the same situation. It grates having someone else having the fun easy times with the kids. I thought nanny's are supposed to be imaginative enough re activities to work within their budget rather than think you are made of money. Or maybe projecting!!

If you are not making enough money to pay her and are out of pocket perhaps you should look at staying at home yourself looking after them then go back to work when they go to school. Could you work from home some of the time and employ her part time?

£20 pounds isn't that much and it goes very quickly. Are you sure she doesn't also buy essential household items such as milk, bread, etc..that you might not notice; as it's easy to run out of these things? She may buy some of these items but doesn't mention it to you, just puts them in the fridge...

Coffee makes a good point that there are additional costs that come with nannies whereas yes sending 2 DC to full time nursery is expensive but at least the costs of food, most activities etc (apart from any one off trips they might do) are included.

I think it is easier in the good weather to keep young kids entertained, you can take picnics, go to the park, spend all day outside etc without spending much. In the winter it’s more difficult.

If you're paying her a decent wage which it sounds like you are why have you given her a kitty at all? Just be honest- say you think she's great, you really value her but you can no longer afford the weekly additionals and she will have to pay for her own Starbucks and make the children lunches out of food you have in your home.

I don't understand why that's hard.

I don’t think spending £20 a week on activities is very much at all for 3 people! And I’m not rich!

Just to offe a contrast, our nanny spends about £5 a week. She doesn't take the children to soft play though. She takes the children to the park, or the library. Plays in the garden. Does a lot of crafts. She maybe buys them an ice cream, or picks up some groceries. Sometimes they go out for a drink. It's all about expectations. I think a friendly chat should help resettle expectations and explain your position. Make sure there are plenty of tasty and easy picnic foods at home for her. Good luck.

Wizzy, you really sound like you are.

Nannies don't 'have it easy doing fun things all the time' We work bloody hard. Now wouldn't it be lovely if for the 60 hour weeks I work in holiday time, 12 hours a day, my three and four year old charges would be perfectly happy to sit with a colouring book or potter round the garden? I can spend ages getting an activity ready that will pique their interests and attention spand for all fifteen minutes if I'm lucky. That's supposed to suffice is it? Every single day?!

Well it doesn't. Because they're small and they want to go out and explore and have fun, as well as balance that with 'down-time' doing quiet things at home, or in the park, or getting a bus to see a friend, go to a city farm, they might need a haircut, whatever. I can provide all that organisation but it's not going to come for free is it, and no I do not see my employer as 'made of money'.

You sound so patronising.

You need to have an adult conversation with your nanny about your expectations around extra costs. It doesn’t need to be a big deal! Just explain that you would like her to do mostly free activities and to take packed lunches. Ask her to run any paid for things past you first.

Different families have different attitudes to these things and she isn’t a mind reader so if you’ve never told her, she won’t know! You left a kitty so she spent it (and £20 for a week isn’t really a huge amount for two kids).