to think that the people who have a healthy relationship with food do so because they have a fast metabolism?

[Fuckedoffat48b]

I am half way through my first pregnancy and I have gained… 4lbs. I started the pregnancy at the top end of a healthy weight, have dropped a dress size (!), look and feel great, and have suddenly noticed I have absolutely no guilt whatsoever about what I am eating. I had to increase my caloric intake by about 200-300 calories a day from the very beginning, just to maintain my weight.

Nobody is more shocked than me about this, as this is the first time in my life since I was about 13 that I have honestly been able to eat until I am full, and not gain weight.

It has been an absolute revelation, and made me realise if this is just how all the smug skinnies lecturing about 'just eating until you feel full' feel all the time?! If that is honestly the case then no wonder they have a 'healthy relationship with food' imo.

If food didn't make me fat I would have a healthier relationship with it too. AIBU to think this healthy relationship with food could actually be more body type than mindset after all?

@margaretcavendish maybe I mean appetite more than metabolism then. That is exactly my point.

I have actually been calorie counting since I got pregnant as I was already at the top end of healthy, and convinced I was going to balloon from the get go. I immediately had to increase my caloric consumption in the first trimester (compared to what I was eating to maintain my weight before) as I lost a couple of pounds, and have had to gradually increase, and increase as my weight didn't really start going up until a couple of weeks ago.

I now have a very visible bump but skinner arms and legs than I started with.

I am usually a 6-8 and during pregnancy I have gained 3+ stone. I’ve increased my food intake for it to be at the correct amount for my pregnancy, and no more than that. This post has made me feel pretty shit actually, and I don’t think the tone of it is well-meaning.

I think you're right. I'm skinny, I've always been skinny and I've done absolutely nothing to deserve it. My dad and aunt haven't got a gram of fat between them. I don't eat better than anyone else. Probably less than many because I don't have a huge appetite but again that's completely undeserved.

Portion control is very important, and if you are not used to over-eat, you will feel sick and horrible if you eat massive portions.

I do think another big dividing line is what 'a little overfull' - only a little, not that many people like feeling completely stuffed - feels like to you. For some people (I'm one of these) it's a nice feeling; it's a pleasant kind of sleepiness and contentment. It's also why it's quite common to use food to self-medicate anxiety, as some people find that a very calming sensation. Other people find it really unpleasant. I think that must be one of the many things that's about your childhood, and how you were taught to feel about food and perhaps particularly about food as celebration/comfort.

Your post is unreasonable.

Studies show obese people actually burn more calories than slim people as they are carrying more weight around. Also slim people tend to consume less calories overall.

As @Biologifemini pointed out people in general were slimmer in previous decades as eating habits were different, mainly people ate less, and people were more active e.g. walked more.

It's true for me. I don't get very hungry and struggle to eat large portions. If I cook I tend to underestimate so end up making less than I thought. I do snack but this can displace meals rather than being in addition to them (most of the time).

I also think I am laid back about my weight/body image because I never had a model for worrying about it as my mum never made an issue of it.

Realistically I am probably one of those skinny but unhealthy people - I don't have a lot of muscle tone.

During pregnancy is the only time I can comfortably eat more and tend to get hungry for at least 3 meals a day (sometimes more). Otherwise I can easily skip several meals and it doesn't occur to me to have much more than a snack until I start to feel shivery.

I do tend to gain weight in pregnancy but I think this is because I start off underweight so I need to lay down fat stores etc in the first trimester and then it seems to steady out a bit more.

people massively underestimate how powerfully different people's appetites are

Absolutely agree. I know several people who simply don't have much appetite. They can 'forget to eat' until they feel literally faint. They as a consequence don't have much interest in food. And they totally believe anyone could 'just eat less'.

It's a bit like someone with zero sex drive talking about how virtuous they are about abstaining from sex. Well of course it's easy if you don't have any desire to do it!

There are plenty of slim people who have horrible relationships with food and their bodies and have dysfunctional eating habits. Just being skinny doesn't mean a person eats well.

The fast/slow metabolism thing has been pretty debunked though there is some research going on now with hormones, how they tell the body hunger and fullness and how some people are more sensitive to it and such. From what I've read as well as what I've experienced with dealing with early menopause (where my weight went up about two stone, I've since dropped to almost where I started much to my frustration), I think that might play a part but none of these things will be the whole picture. If true, it'll be only one of dozens of factors.

Bodies are complicated and there won't be one thing that divides all overweight people from those who aren't and I don't think calling skinny people smug and treating it as all a genetic/metabolism issue is going to help anyone.

Obesity is a complex issue- and it doesn’t have a quick solution.

The solution may be easy (decrease intake)^ but it is not simple. if it was simple everyone would be slim.

We live in an obesogenic environment - other countries have far better infrastructure to cycle (dedicated bike paths separate from roads, bike parking) for example.
We have poor work life balance - far too many of us are working crazy hours which leave no time for the excercise we’d like to do
Many people live where access to fresh food is poor.
Crap food is everywhere
People use food to self medicate - out mental health services are on their knees as it is so minor eating disorders are often not even picked up
Food is sold to us in a psychologically unhealthy way - as treats, ‘naughty’ indulgences etc.
Women especially have a complex set of societal expectations thrust on them with food - they’re expected to eat very little and not take up space for example. Food is almost weaponised - look at the ‘clean eating’ stuff which is legitimised orthorexia. No food is ‘dirty’ or ‘clean.’

All in all there is no simple and easy answer. The stigmatisation of overweight people in society is bloody awful as well.

Interesting how so many replies are from people who consider themselves slim. I was actually interested in some slightly more diverse responses.

WRT to the smug comment, I don't feel all thin people are smug, of course, but do feel that thin people who lecture about 'only eating until you feel full' making one skinny are a bit smug and not really being very nice themselves.

I’m quite greedy so the big thing for me that affects my weight is exercise. To get skinny I had to be doing portion control but found 1200 calories a day joyless and would often still eat takeaways etc. But, it is exercise that seems to keep me in check. Post children I’m struggling to fit in the right amount of exercise and as a consequence ive piled on the weight. I’m probably always going to be greedy so I accept I either have to eat less or move more to get to a weight I’m happy with. I could pretend it’s about my metabolism that I’m heavier than I’d like but it isn’t. I can really see the difference when I’m with certain relatives. They just seem to be less hungry and eat less.

Actually, one of the biggest causes of obesity is the pressure on women to be thin and to eat less. So women are constantly pressured to diet; 'healthy' body shapes they are ordered to aspire to are unnatural (and often only obtained by very unhealthy behaviours such as substituting cigarettes/recreational drugs for meals); dangerous fad diets are promoted all the time.
And if you restrict your food intake dramatically (particularly if you take up one of these horrible chemical-milkshake starvation plans) you will lose some weight. Then you will find the lack of food unbearable, so you will eat 'normally' again - and gain back the weight you lost, plus a lot more.
Repeated dieting makes people obese. The reason for the repeated dieting is the bullying and stigmatizing suffered by people who started out as perhaps a bit chubby but healthy enough: years of on-and-off starvation has wrecked their metabolisms.

The first way to have a healthy body and a healthy attitude to food is to tell everyone else who comments on your body or eating habits to fuck right off. Then do what makes you feel comfortable.

This doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. So you were almost overweight, so you started eating appropriate calories to maintain that weight, right? Then you lost weight, so you added some more calories so you wouldn’t continue losing weight?

Were you calorie counting before you got pregnant? It sounds like you started losing weight because you underestimated the amount of calories necessary to maintain. Also, if you have a sudden drop in calories your body will start burning fat until it realises the lower calories are an ongoing thing - this is why low calorie diets are great for fast weight loss but then the weight loss plateaus.

Surely you’re eating different food now too?

Not really.

I have a friend who used to brag about being able to eat whatever she wanted - she'd have a double English breakfast at midnight after a cheesy supper, and the same again for breakfast and stay the same weight. When it hit her, it hit her like a tonne of bricks. She had a terrible relationship with food.

Another friend has a mum/gran who always talk about how they never put on weight, can eat what they like etc. My friend always said that she was just the same - now she's put on weight because she eats out/eats extravagant food all the time. I honestly think her mum and gran just eat like birds when it isn't a special occasion, yet portray this 'eat what I like' attitude.

No, it's to do with people being in tune with (good at 'listening to') their body. Eating until they are sated - NOT the same as full. More like 'not empty'.

I’m not sure it’s quite so clear cut – our individual relationship with food can be influenced by so many factors – how you ate growing up, how food makes you feel, whether you see food as food or comfort, your relationship with dieting, if you’ve experienced EDs, how much willpower you have etc. I would argue it’s more psychological than anything – most of slim people I know eat little and often and lots of small portions rather than less frequent, bigger meals.

I know a bigger lady who grew up in poverty and her mother barely gave her enough food, and she was frequently hungry. She would hoard food when she had it because she didn’t know when she’d eat next. When she got older and became financially independent she almost went a bit wild buying all the food she had missed out on and gained a lot of weight. Now her issue is that she subconsciously worries she will run of food/money to buy food again so she’s always binging and eating more than she needs. I know that’s anecdotal – but my point is there can be so much tied up in how we eat.

Iwasjustabouttosay that. Yes, so I had a pretty good idea of what it would take to maintain my weight.

The actual food I am eating has varied somewhat. I started off unable to face vegetables when experiencing some morning sickness, despite my diet normally being pretty vegetable-based (I have an allotment etc). I am now back to eating fairly normal, usual meals, attempting to eat more veg, but actually buying/eating more crap on the go as I am hungrier and fancy sugary stuff, which I didn't used to before.

It isn't metabolism it is what you are eating (and drinking) if you are pregnant I'm guess you are not drinking any alcohol. For me at least that would make a massive difference. I maintain at the top of the healthy BMI. I don't class myself as slim, but if I stopped drinking I would be.

Actually I hadn’t mentioned morning sickness but was wondering if it had an impact. I was throwing up 3 tines day!

I don't think it's purely metabolism. I've been more or less the same healthy weight since I was 18 between 9.5 and 10.5 stone and I put it down to not liking chocolate or much sweet food and only eating when I'm hungry and frequently skipping meals or not eating much (just don't have much of a focus on food, its fuel, eating is not something that's a fun experience particularly, dunno why). Not claiming it's a healthy approach to food but it's most likely what has kept my weight steady and comparatively low.

I do think metabolism is a thing actually. Some people do put on weight more easily eating the same amount abs having a similar lifestyle. Otherwise, why do people start to gain weight more easily as they get older but are doing the same amount of exercise?

FrenchFancy I have wondered if it was alcohol fucking up my metabolism and getting rid of that has somehow kickstarted some miraculous fat-burning.

You will never get fat if you eat mostly fruit and veg. I’m a fat mostly-vegan so I have to disagree there 😄

I agreed with your OP but now having read the responses I am completely bewildered again as to why the fuck I have always been a size 16. As usual. So much conflicting advice out there. It’s impossible to know what to do. Anything can be spun to be the right way/healthy. I get thin in pregnancy too (well, thin for me is a size 14 bottoms) but then afterwards I completely balloon. Eg had a c section in november, was back in the gym in December, Christmas, weighed myself in February first time since pregnancy and I was 16 stone 2. It’s taken me since then to get down to 15 stone 5.
Depressing is not the word.

Bendydick thanks for responding. Yes I almost guffawed at the fruit and veg comment.

I am well aware I am only halfway through this pregnancy and the tides may well change, and who the fuck knows how breastfeeding will affect me. Interesting you said you went down down in size on your bottom half. That is exactly what happened to me, I am a very curvy pear shape and have lost loads off my thighs and almost have a thigh gap, despite having noticeably chunky thighs and cellulite since (my actually quite slender) childhood.

Was that why it was there all along?!

Weight is also a hugely gendered topic, because women are supposed to eat daintily and not succumb to greed. My brother is a dietician: he says that, whilst virtually all of his overweight female patients, when asked why they think they are overweight, will cite metabolism, thyroid problems, genetics, hormonal issues etc and claim to eat very little; his male patients will quite cheerfully say they are fat because they like beer and food too much and don't exercise as much as they used to. Yet both men and women will lose weight at similar rates once their calorie intake is reduced by some method and activity increased.

This is fundamentally it.

Literally SO MANY women at work, all obese, always on the next faddy diet, blaming everything other than their overactive gobs for why they can't lose weight.

They keep up this diet pretence at work, yet never lose any weight, or change size, or shape. They are the classic secret eaters. They must eat half the contents of the fridge every time they go home.