aibu or is the school

[LilQueenie]

I paid for a school trip (not expensive) and ticked the box for the school to prepare a packed lunch for DD. this was optional but we choose it.

On the day DD was recovering from a sore throat. (had little if anything to eat the day before only managing soft fruit) The trip would last the full school day so I popped a banana, 2 small oranges and a couple oat bars (dds request) into her bag. They all have water daily. This was to ensure she had at least something she could eat if whatever was in the packed lunch was hurting her throat and also as a breaktime snack. Again if the oat bar hurt her she had a choice of fruit.

DD came home upset as she had not been given the packed lunch by school as she already had food in her bag. aibu to think school should not have withheld the packed lunch that was their duty to provide. DD's throat was fine. The back had been pre-packed the night before and we were not even sure if she would be attending the school trip at that point.

I do not think what I put in her bag could be seen to be a 'packed lunch'. No way would I have sent her with that if it had been.

Where in the country are you that it was cold enough to need a jumper on when running about doing sports?
Also The same sniffle she came down with the day before when she was in the wind wearing only a tshirt and leggings for sports day. and yes I had provided her with a jumper and a sports jacket being in the cold doesn’t cause a cold.

Yes your DD should have been given the lunch you had ticked for but I expect that she said that she had food.

@lardymclardy
It doesn't work like you suggest at my dds school.
They all carry their own so school lunches are handed out before they set off on the trip. Each child carries one bag. Ops dd already had a bag.
Otherwise a teacher could well be lugging around 30 school lunches, plus the medical kit (of course), plus 30 sets of extra clothing (in case of sniffles).

We dont actually know if DC was offered/given a FSM lunch. Which in my experience is one slice of bread cut in 2 with a bit of ham or cheese between it and no butter, a juice cup and an apple/banana. All we do know is DC was 'confused'/ill/cold/to hot/had no breakfast/not eaten for 24 hours.

What I do know from experience helping on such trips is that most FSM lunch bags go in the bin straight after the picnic because the children have brought their own (just like the ops DC) and refuse to eat fruit or sandwiches. Its such a waste.

Are teachers monsters for NOT force feeding 6 year olds?

We dont actually know if DC was offered/given a FSM lunch.
This.
We know dhe didn't EAT one, but even th3 OP says her DC is unclear about what happened.
What I do know from experience helping on such trips is that most FSM lunch bags go in the bin straight after the picnic because the children have brought their own (just like the ops DC) and refuse to eat fruit or sandwiches.
Also this. Who needs lunch when someone has harribo to pass round?

There are 2 most logical explanation for DC not getting a lunch:

1. Miscommunication error. Staff see child eating a lunch and wrongly think that the child has decided to bring their own
2. Staff have taken lunches round and DC has either refused a lunch or left a lunch

If it's the first, it's annoying and school should have a better system.
If it's the second then it's all a bit blame the school and be much angry.

Both are possible. On the balance of experience, the 2nd is more likely. A quick chat with the school should clear it up.

(On a wider note, I also agree that the general tone is a bit PFB can't put a coat on, school made them get snuffles, school should police children and grill them on food. Etc.)

OP you need to read the helplessness thread. If your child is cold, they need to know to put on a jumper. If they wanted their packed lunch, they need to learn to walk up and ask for it.

Ask the teacher, guessing what happened isn't going to get you anywhere.

The packed lunches would have been made the day before so the should of had the exact number, so if your daughter didn't get one there would of been 1 left over.....maybe your daughter got confused, but I would assume there would be a list. Maybe speak to the teacher to get the full story from my experience with my daughter you get a version of what happened.

Sounds like your DD sat down and starting eating the food you gave her and missed the line up for the school lunch. Then later mentioned to you that she didn't get the school provided lunch and ... BOOM.. all blown out of proportion by you.

I wouldn't have sent a child out on a trip if she hadn't shown signs of being able to eat a normal breakfast. It would be a case of 'eat or you're not going'.

It's odd imo to have children carrying their own lunches around on a trip. My DCs always brought lunch in a bag with a juice box, and their name and class number on the outside of the bag. All the bags were put into wheeled cool boxes and distributed when it was time to eat.

I agree with MidniteScribbler that helplessness may be something your DD needs coaching out of.

Was she incapable of saying “I’m hungry, where’s my lunch?”

Maybe because she's a 6 year old with anxiety about speaking up? I know my DD would have found it impossible at that age.

I think you are getting unnecessarily worked up.

We provide packed lunches for all free school meals kids and hardly any take them. Maybe it's common for your school to give lunches (assume it wasn't paid for?) but kids to bring their own food anyway.

You were at sports day and blame the teachers for your kid not having the sense to put her jumper on? Or you not having the sense to walk over and tell her to put it on? Wtf?

Youre the one who sent her to school only having an orange. If you'd given her a proper breakfast then no doubt she would have barely noticed the lunch thing anyway. But if she couldn't eat a proper breakfast because of her throat then she shouldn't have been on a school trip.

I think it may have been a miscommunication with your daughter. But as she 6, I think that's understandable.
I teach secondary, so not sure on the primary thing, but we have a list of who gets a lunch. They then get sent to pick it up. It might be that your daughter mentioned 'lunch' and the school thought you'd forgotten and sent one. I also don't know a single teacher who wouldn't give their lunch to a student who didn't have one. I know I've done this before, so I'm guessing they decided your daughter had had enough, or she said she was full?

The weather/jumper thing was a bit silly. As her parent you should have gone over and told her to put her jumper on if you were worried. I've told my students to put jumpers/coats on and they've decided not too or are too busy talking to hear me! But I know that's not the main issue.

Also, I'm sorry for some of the rude responses from some other teachers. It's rude comments like that that doesn't do teachers any favours.

So, my advice is to speak to the school. Why wouldn't you? But don't go in all guns blazing, there is no way they deliberately and maliciously kept food from your daughter.

I think there's a huge over reaction from some on here. Of course teachers don't check 30 lunches but why on earth would they? They get the list of who ordered a school one and they give those out. If there's no list then the school probably needs to review that part so that a child does not go without again.

I think people are forgetting this child is only 6. Not all 6 year olds are full of confidence and would speak up. Therefore it's up to the adults in charge to make sure those whose parents ordered a lunch get one.

If they think it's up to the child to request it, why bother sending a letter home for the parent to do? Because 6 year olds get things mixed up/don't listen/don't understand/forget etc that's why.

I've never understood this whole well we've 30 children So we can't do this that and other because we can't do that for 30 children. It's total bullshit rolled out by lazy teachers. I have massive respect for good teachers but I have encountered a fair few who feel they have a raw deal or something in life and moan about kids and parents constantly. When I taught, there would not have been a child without their lunch on my watch. And if that had happened I'd have been horrified and certainly wouldn't blame the parent for mine or the schools mess up.

I don't think the op is unreasonable to let the teacher know what happened because there was a failing somewhere that needs to be looked at. I can't see any teacher at any of my dc schools having an issue with being notified about it. But then I'm lucky in that they all have amazing teachers this year.

The jumper and sports day thing is another matter.

Myotherusernameisbest
They aren't unreasonable to call up, have a chat and find out what happened. (And I would agree, they should have a list if they didn't).

They are unreasonable to decide that the teacher didn't bother to give their DC a lunch when by their own admission DC isn't sure what happened.
They are unreasonable to go on about how the school made their child go hungry for almost 24 hours, when as a parent they were quite happy for DC to have little to no breakfast & their snack pack was deemed sufficient for their DC in the event the child was too ill to eat the pack up.

When you add it in with blaming the school for a cold because DC didn't put a coat on but every other child did, it does start to feel a bit 'I'm going to blame the school for allsorts'

at not eating for 24 hours- 21 of those hours were your responsibility. It is a bit rich to say the school didn't feed her. Is it the school's fault if she doesn't eat for over 48 hours on the weekend?

Look, you paid for a lunch, its valid to know why she didn't get one. But also, with the 0-100 you are going on this, I am not surprised your daughter is 'getting confused' about what happened. She probably was asked and said she wanted her cereal bars. Now because you are so angry she is afraid to say what actually happened.

You don't know if she was offered one and said no, was too busy eating her cereal bars to miss the line up or hear her name called, or just didn't want it. If you want some clarity on the situation, go speak to the school, but you really need to calm down. Also, it sounds like a one-off fluke situation that isn't likely to happen again, so is there a point to speak to the school?

It sounds like a simple miscommunication. A similar thing happened with my dd at that age. Packed lunches were provided..and she had also taken a snack. When the kids were asked who had brought their own food..she put her hand up...and didn’t get the lunch. Naturally at that age, she didn’t query it or make a fuss. Came out in conversation when I asked her what she’d had for lunch... It’s not something I’d make a huge fuss of..but at least you’ll know for next time!

@lardymclardy
It doesn't work like you suggest at my dds school.
They all carry their own so school lunches are handed out before they set off on the trip. Each child carries one bag. Ops dd already had a bag.
Otherwise a teacher could well be lugging around 30 school lunches, plus the medical kit (of course), plus 30 sets of extra clothing (in case of sniffles).

@arethereanyleftatall

But that doesn't excuse the point that a lunch was ordered and didn't materialise. The question should have been asked have you got your lunch? Reading through now, I can see if OP's DD got confused as in - is this my lunch? When mine were aged 6, they went into the classroom first thing with their lunch in a disposable bag, child's name was written on a sticker and it stuck on said bag.

The trip I went on, nothing was carried around - picnic/lunch was by the coach area so 1 or 2 teachers went back and had lunches ready to dispense.

I appreciate this may not have been the case on this trip, there has clearly been some miscommunication somewhere, but that is bound to happen if you are relying on a 6 year old purely for the facts.

I do think OP is BA re the 24 hours and sports day though. Our sports day was freezing last year, DD didn't bring her coat out - we weren't allowed to cross the tracks (on pain of death!) so I walked to the top end of the tracks and said could you let DD fetch her coat please? Problem solved.

Have you thought about home schooling OP? That will probably be best for your dd and her teachers

I get the impression that you are vegetarian OP.
The list of food she ate on a big day contained no protein at all.
That would mean she is small and felt the cold.

If the food she took was deemed sufficient if she had a sore throat then what the hell is the problem at the end of the day if that's what she ate?!
For some kids that would be deemed a sufficient lunch. The teacher probably thought she has been sent with a packed lunch; quite often parents will say they want a lunch but send one in anyway due to kids moaning about wanting stuff from home.
Jesus wept.

It reads to me like that at 6 she was confused by you packing all the food into her bag, things that were soft to eat etc. I'd imagine she said she'd got food from home when others did.
I agree in principle, if you've ticked the box, then they should be given it.
I'm far more disturbed by the fact a 6 year old rarely has breakfast before school and may take a snack. 6 is too young to not have breakfast, and a snack is not adequate. She either needs more time in the morning or you need to ensure she does have breakfast.
My daughter recently went on a school trip and left her lunch in the car. I was charging my phone elsewhere and missed the call. So she was kindly provided with a school packed lunch... a dry cheese sandwich, an apple, a yoghurt and a flapjack that made her cry 🤣
That's why most kids bring one.
It sounds like she was not actually ill, sniffles are not brought on by being cold, and if she had lunch, came home feeling a bit off, went to bed, got up went on a trip no breakfast, she wasn't really ill...your duty of care was to ensure she ate (porridge maybe?) beforehand.
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The lunch should have had her name on it, on the bag and she should have been given it.

OP Did you ask the teacher what happened?

You really remind me of a parent at my school . This parent always sends in a second lunch on school trips despite their child being entitled to one. However I have never not given her FSM lunch. She’s just always had two lunches on school trip days.