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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu or is the school

181 replies

LilQueenie · 24/06/2018 20:04

I paid for a school trip (not expensive) and ticked the box for the school to prepare a packed lunch for DD. this was optional but we choose it.

On the day DD was recovering from a sore throat. (had little if anything to eat the day before only managing soft fruit) The trip would last the full school day so I popped a banana, 2 small oranges and a couple oat bars (dds request) into her bag. They all have water daily. This was to ensure she had at least something she could eat if whatever was in the packed lunch was hurting her throat and also as a breaktime snack. Again if the oat bar hurt her she had a choice of fruit.

DD came home upset as she had not been given the packed lunch by school as she already had food in her bag. aibu to think school should not have withheld the packed lunch that was their duty to provide. DD's throat was fine. The back had been pre-packed the night before and we were not even sure if she would be attending the school trip at that point.

I do not think what I put in her bag could be seen to be a 'packed lunch'. No way would I have sent her with that if it had been.

OP posts:
Original poster
LilQueenie · 24/06/2018 21:54

Your child is hardly going to have starved. Really don't see the issue. You were the one who confused the school and the teachers.

really? how is that. The school knew to have a lunch for her as it was on her form THEY asked to be filled in. They didn't give her it. Was my tick somehow confusing for them?

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 24/06/2018 21:54

No she was shivering. It was really cold wind. her jacket would have been fine. Everyone else had one including the teachers.I know I was there.

So why didn't you tell her to put it on.

Original poster
LilQueenie · 24/06/2018 21:57

So why didn't you tell her to put it on.

because I could not get to her or a teacher. Event in the middle, parents far enough away but able to see. Its no big deal. There has been a major issue with the school in the past which means I do wonder sometimes about the little things. If it was that big a deal I would have spoken to a teacher after school. It was irritating but fine.

OP posts:
MissVanjie · 24/06/2018 21:59

Why did you sit there watching your child shiver and moan that the teachers didn’t do anything about it? Good grief

StarUtopia · 24/06/2018 21:59

You put food in her bag. My kids would eat that for a full lunch - not for a snack. A snack is an apple. ONE.

I've not got time to read the thread...but the bit i'm confused about is this. You've ticked for a lunch. How did they know food was in her bag? Did your child say it's ok i've got food? Genuinely can't see that a teacher would open her bag to find out herself.

Seriously though. 2 oat bars, 2 oranges and a banana is more than my athlete daughter eats during an intense 4 hours training session.

By all means question what happened, but I think sending her with this much food has caused the confusion.

MissVanjie · 24/06/2018 21:59

Omg a pp was right, you are that parent

Somewhereovertherainbow13 · 24/06/2018 22:00

I’ve taken primary school aged children on trips with school prepared packed lunches before. On these trips some parents provide their children with extra bags of food as a ‘snack’ even though they have not been asked too as there is typically no time on school trips to stop and eat snacks. Come lunch time when we hand out the lunches the children think they have to eat the snack sent in my their parents and don’t want the school lunch, even though it is sat there on the table in front of them they refuse to touch it. Perhaps your child, given that she is only 6, also got confused about which bag she was supposed to eat and so just ate the one sent in by you? Children are not reliable at re-telling events in the correct detail so please think about how you approach this with the teacher

wouldyoujudgeme · 24/06/2018 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Plumsmith · 24/06/2018 22:00

You have said you were at sports day!!! Why didn’t you get her jumper for her!!!

MissVanjie · 24/06/2018 22:00

And give your child a breakfast. That first hour or so of school is when they tend to do all the literacy/numeracy stuff

theforceisstrong · 24/06/2018 22:06

Yes she should have been given her lunch. It's irrelevant what else you had given her. You should complain

Original poster
LilQueenie · 24/06/2018 22:08

You put food in her bag. My kids would eat that for a full lunch - not for a snack. A snack is an apple. ONE.

not all are the same. Today she had porridge, then 3 tomatoes, 2 oranges, a banana, crisps, sandwiches, a whole plate of broccoli, some potato things and god knows what else with her dad. she has an appetite. Not all overweight either so I don't restrict it.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 24/06/2018 22:13

'Not all are the same.'

Exactly op. Everyone eats different amounts. So How were the staff supposed to know that what you packed wasn't her lunch, since you didn't tell them?

You have had many teachers in this thread explain to you that parents frequently request a lunch, then send one.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 24/06/2018 22:17

The child had a banana + 2 oranges + 2 oat bars + water with them which is MORE than you would get in a FSM lunch bag.

The school would have had a FSM lunch for her, either she refused it or didn't want more than she already had. I am assuming this is your PFB?

Original poster
LilQueenie · 24/06/2018 22:19

You have had many teachers in this thread explain to you that parents frequently request a lunch, then send one.

Which I find ridiculous. If I request a lunch I expect one. I can't speak for other parents. or understand why they would do what they do. I do not however think what I send would cover a packed lunch by anyone's standards let alone a school who are very aware of nutrient. they teach it in p1

OP posts:
Myotherusernameisbest · 24/06/2018 22:20

Some nasty teachers on here by the looks of things. If op requested a lunch her dd should have been given a lunch. It was pre ordered. Someone obviously cocked up thinking your dd had a lunch already and decided they didn't need the lunch after all. They need to know they cocked up so that the same thing does not happen again to another child.

WowLookAtYou · 24/06/2018 22:21

Am laughing at the idea that teachers, on the day of a school trip, have the time or inclination to open up 30 lunchboxes and check the contents and then phone up the parents of any child deemed to have a query about whether it's sufficient food.

You sent some extra food so "she had at least something she could eat if whatever was in the packed lunch was hurting her throat." So, what's the problem? She had some back-up food that you presumably deemed sufficient if she didn't eat the packed lunch - for whatever reason.

And also, this has to be the shortest-lived "sniffle" on the planet, if she contracted it the day before through not wearing a jumper, (not how one catches colds, but still) but was sufficiently recovered the next morning (apart from being off her food) to go on a school trip.

This is all a complete non-issue. Let it go.

WowLookAtYou · 24/06/2018 22:23

I do not however think what I send would cover a packed lunch by anyone's standards
Yet you have said that you sent it so that she would at least have something to get her through the day if she didn't eat the packed lunch. So you clearly thought it would be enough.

myrtleWilson · 24/06/2018 22:23

Does your DD do sports day at Wembley stadium OP? how on earth can it be close enough for you to see she was shivering but too far for you to be able to get to her (or mime "putting on a jumper")?

WowLookAtYou · 24/06/2018 22:25

Some nasty teachers on here by the looks of things.

No, just some who are probably at the end of their tethers being blamed, yet again, for all things wrong in the world. Fuck it. Let's just bin trips altogether. Would be a darn sight easier all-round, if people are going to just find shit to moan at.

sailorcherries · 24/06/2018 22:26

I had 3 lunches requested for my trip. On the day of I double checked whether they were still required and all 3 declined ststing that "their mum gave them food". It is not then my job to open their bags and double check that this food is of lunch quality.
Most schools check the morning of and if your DD said that you had given her food then that's that. The teacher doesn't then need to check the entire contents.

Don't confuse parenting with teaching OP.

lardymclardy · 24/06/2018 22:28

Teacher "Hands up who's brought something with them for their lunch?"

Your DD puts her hand up ...

Eh? Of course it doesn't work like that on a school trip. That would be chaos. Children sit down in groups and eat their own clearly labelled lunch (usually in a disposable bag) and the lunches ORDERED get handed to those children that they have been ordered for.

There shouldn't have been any confusion, snacks or no snacks. OP's DD was down as having a school packed lunch so there should have been one available to her regardless of any other circumstance.

sailorcherries · 24/06/2018 22:31

Actually lardy we double check in the morning and those who ordered a packed lunch go and collect it before we leave, if they still need it.

They also don't always sit in groups - we had a leisurely picnic lunch on the grass by the river, where they sat with friends and ate at their own pace from their non-labelles lunchboxes.

So yes, it does work like that.

SleightOfMind · 24/06/2018 22:32

Your DD technically should have been given a school lunch.

But, she was taken on a trip to somewhere cool, with all her classmates instead of being stuck in a classroom and drilled for Sats.

I’m not remotely connected to the teaching profession. I have 4 DCs who are at various stages in the UK state school system.

You’re being horribly unreasonable and parents like you are the reason some schools cant take their children on trips any more.
You shouldn’t have sent her out for the day after ‘a small orange’ for breakfast.
the school’s fuck up means she missed out on a sandwich at the most.

arethereanyleftatall · 24/06/2018 22:36

@WowLookAtYou
Ah but remember that these type of parents will find shit to moan at you for, regardless of what you do. They want 121 tlc for their precious snowflakes, and even that wouldn't be good enough.
But don't worry, most parents are normal, and think teachers are bloomin marvellous. Unfortunately they're not the noisy ones though.