WWYD - landed with whole bill for cake.

[Halloolah]

As title says, this is more of a WWYD but posting here for traffic...

My DH's BIL recently had a significant birthday. His wife (my SIL) organised a big party. She was let down quite late by the people sorting the birthday cake. My Mum makes cakes semi-professionally (i.e. she makes them properly, but doesn't advertise and takes word of mouth requests), so we offered to ask if she could help and explained that this way would be cheaper than going to a cake shop. SIL said yes please, my Mum offered to make it at cost price as a favour to relatives (although my parents and in laws don't particularly know each other well and have only met once or twice).

It then turned out that the cake needed to be huge (over 150 portions) and so more of a 3 tiered wedding cake size. Mum priced it as £120 (the cost of materials, icing, cake boards etc), DH and
I offered to pay £50 towards the cost. This is much more than we'd normally spend on a present but we figured that it was a significant birthday. SIL happy with this arrangement.

Mum made the cake, it took her about four days of intense, full-time work as was intricately decorated, it looked absolutely amazing, tasted great and very well received by everyone. However, at the party itself SIL kept saying 'thank you so much to you and your mum for the cake' as if the whole thing was a gift. BIL was also very grateful. Party was over a week ago and no offer of money has been made. As I didn't want my Mum to be out of pocket, we've paid her the full amount (our £50 plus another £70) and pretended it was from SIL.

But what should we do about chasing up the £70? My DH wants to have a word with his sister as he feels the arrangements were very clear and she's being a bit cheeky. I worry that this could cause a 'thing' in the family. SIL is lovely, so I think (hope!) this is a genuine oversight rather than CFery but it's all just very awkward. WWYD?

I don’t understand the angst? If this happened in my family, my brother would text me an “oi, can you transfer over the £70 for the cake?”, possibly followed by a picture of a baseball bat or a threat to ‘send the boys round’; to which my immediate response would be “oh shit, i’m so sorry I completely forgot - will transfer the cash now! Thanks so much again to your mum for saving the day.” If I found it I was getting a pasting on mumsnet before anyone had even bothered to text to ask me, i’d be a bit put out!

If you’ve got the kind of DH who will voluntarily raise things with his own family when you or your family are disadvantaged by them, do not interfere with that natural impulse in him for love nor money. You’ve got a good ‘un there. Bit of a keeper in fact.

Ask your dh to txt ‘you owe Mary €70 for the cake, we paid the rest already’

It’s takes you all out of the picture because she owes the money to your mother.

Yes let DH just be straight with his sister

Wow, apologies as I genuinely had no idea cakes cost so much

I've not had a proper cake since my wedding 16 years ago.

A friend made a cake for my son's 9th birthday and charged me £30 which I just about choked at - but paid!

I think people who don't do this genuinely just don't see why flour eggs milk butter icing costs so much. I'd expect the boards and supports can be returned to be washed?

Anyway I hope your mum gets the money - leave it to dh to sort out.

@SleepFreeZone I wonder if they thought you were paying £50 towards the cost and your mum was contributing the rest as a gift?

I doubt it was that because it wouldn't make sense with the conversation they had. The cost is £120 and we are happy to put £50 towards that. For one OPs mother had only met them a couple of times so highly unlikely that she would want to spend £70 on them. Also if that was the case the conversation would have been something like this instead "mum is happy to do the cake you requested for £50 which we are happy to pay - she says take that as her gift to you".

To the person who said they would be furious at being asked to pay for that 1) they shouldn't have agreed to it prior to the party then and 2) wow you really don't live in the real world do you? You clearly have no idea how much the costs associated with making that cake would be. It was a three tier cake, serving 150 people and took four days to make and two people to carry. This wasn't just a sponge cake from the local shop. Even the cake boards and pillars for it would cost a lot. We had a friend of my mums make our wedding cake at mates rates (not at cost as OPs mum did) and we paid £300. We were really happy with that because we had been quoted about £600 by many other companies. There is a huge amount of time and effort that goes into making a cake that size let alone the actual cost of the ingredients. I've seen plenty of people before moaning at being charged £45 for a kids birthday cake despite being the one to agree to the price before ordering it. I've got a friend who makes cakes like this and they can take about 20 hours or so to make all the tiny little characters by hand out of icing. That would work out at £2.25 per hour but you have to take the ingredients cost off it so actually works out more like £1-£1.20 per hour that they are paid. That's a pittance and wayyy below minimum wage. People who don't get this and moan about it make me sick.

if they organized a party for around 100 people I think they may be strapped for cash just at the moment? I wanted to pay for it later when they get a paycheck?

But I agree, its very awkward to rise the money question, she should have told you, if the money is a problem right now.... just tell you something that you would know she didnt forget...

But I think she really just forgot it... its only a week after the huge party, I think they are sorting out step by step the afterthings and maybe you as a family are at the end of the list of "dealing with the party-related issues"

have you been talking after the party?

Get your DH to ask and let us know the outcome...

Hopefully an oversight but she was willing to pay another cake person so she can pay your mother who did it at short notice and cheaper. In fact she can give your mum some flowers alongside the cash.

I wonder if she thinks she can get away with pretending that she thought you meant it would normally be £120 but your mum is doing it at cost price and you will pay £50 for it, meaning she didn't have to pay at all

I would be annoyed on behalf of your mum, your SIL should have insisted on at least paying something for her time or get her a big bunch of flowers at the very least

Unfortunately people really underestimate the price of making cakes, and seem to think it's too expensive without even adding any £ in for your time

A cake for 150 isn't just one bag of flour and one pack of eggs though -think of the amounts you put into an average sponge for 6 people. Food colourings, piping bags, lining paper -it isn't just ingredients, it is the sundry items you use too. It really adds up. 150 servings is a big cake, 4 DAYS worth of work...I guarantee she hasn't profited from it at all. You don't get the boards and tiers back, they often get ruined/chucked.
I would genuinely be insulted if someone thought I was ripping them off at that price for that much hard work.
Hope you get your share of the money OP!

I'd expect the boards and supports can be returned to be washed? Depends what they are made of. But dowels are like plastic straws, cut to size and, more often than not, swept up and thrown away as the cake is cut.

Nobody would reuse boards, commercially, you can't get them clean without wrecking them!

"The total cost would be £120, we're happy to pay £50 towards that"

I agree with a pp that a CF might well take this to mean that you would pay £50 and your Mum would cover the rest. Definitely let your DH sort this out.

Discussing
A- how much you would pay toward it
B - that the price increased when the cake did
C - that you suggested the M&S cake so your “Mums cake was no obligation” just their choice

just goes to show that not only were you clear that they should pay, but that you were very clear on several occasions...

Why would the OP give the SIL a quote if the Mum planned to pay for it all?

No, the SIL knew she had to pay towards it. She just hasn’t yet, for whatever reason.

Get DH to message her saying "We've paid the full £120 to Halloolah's mum so the £70 you owe needs to paid directly to Halloolah"

@Shakirasma

Get DH to message her saying "We've paid the full £120 to Halloolah's mum so the £70 you owe needs to paid directly to Halloolah"

Ooh, that's good. I'd want to rub her nose in it a bit though, and say "We've paid the full £120 to Halloolah's mum as she'd laid out all the money for the ingredients and didn't want her to be out of pocket so the £70 you agreed to needs to be paid directly to Halloolah".

No! He can be far more direct

""We've paid the full £120 to Halloolah's mum as she'd laid out all the money for the ingredients and didn't want her to be out of pocket so the £70 you agreed to needs to be paid directly to me"

Just getting in before someone mentions Cakezilla and writes a fucking poem.

@SandyFagina - Feels your pain. Ohh yeahhhhh

DON'T say "We've paid the full £120 to Halloolah's mum so the £70 you owe needs to paid directly to Halloolah". The SIL might have a bit of a conscience about your mum going without her money. She may well not care so much if it's you and her brother.

But let your DH talk to her. I agree with the breezy approach that assumes she just hasn't paid yet rather than anything else. She'll find that harder to get out of, if indeed she is trying to get out of it.

She does need to be made aware that OP's mother paid £120 for the ingredients, and needs the money pronto. Not everyone can afford to wait for that amount of money, having done a favour.

If she doesn't immediately pay the £70 with apologies for the lateness, it will tell you a lot about her character and none of it good. But at least you would know to never stump up for anything for her in future, knowing she'll take the piss.

I wouldn’t be bothered if she’d misunderstood, you can politely put her straight and get your money back.
You and your mum did her a massive favour, saving her hundreds on the cost of professionally made cake. The least she can do is cough up the cost of the materials.
I’d also be making sure, or at least reiterating that this was a one off favour, save your mum being the go to for ‘mate rate’ cakes for the extended family.

'I think people who don't do this genuinely just don't see why flour eggs milk butter icing costs so much. I'd expect the boards and supports can be returned to be washed? '

Have they not seen the cost of butter alone lately? Or power? Or people's time and skill? Boards and supports cannot be returned to be washed. I think you'd have to be seriously cheeky not to realise it all costs a lot.

Surely it would still be 'a thing' if OP just let it go as it would niggle.

I think OP's husband should tell sis he's settled the bill with mum so it's just £70 to pay to him.