WWYD - landed with whole bill for cake.

[Halloolah]

As title says, this is more of a WWYD but posting here for traffic...

My DH's BIL recently had a significant birthday. His wife (my SIL) organised a big party. She was let down quite late by the people sorting the birthday cake. My Mum makes cakes semi-professionally (i.e. she makes them properly, but doesn't advertise and takes word of mouth requests), so we offered to ask if she could help and explained that this way would be cheaper than going to a cake shop. SIL said yes please, my Mum offered to make it at cost price as a favour to relatives (although my parents and in laws don't particularly know each other well and have only met once or twice).

It then turned out that the cake needed to be huge (over 150 portions) and so more of a 3 tiered wedding cake size. Mum priced it as £120 (the cost of materials, icing, cake boards etc), DH and
I offered to pay £50 towards the cost. This is much more than we'd normally spend on a present but we figured that it was a significant birthday. SIL happy with this arrangement.

Mum made the cake, it took her about four days of intense, full-time work as was intricately decorated, it looked absolutely amazing, tasted great and very well received by everyone. However, at the party itself SIL kept saying 'thank you so much to you and your mum for the cake' as if the whole thing was a gift. BIL was also very grateful. Party was over a week ago and no offer of money has been made. As I didn't want my Mum to be out of pocket, we've paid her the full amount (our £50 plus another £70) and pretended it was from SIL.

But what should we do about chasing up the £70? My DH wants to have a word with his sister as he feels the arrangements were very clear and she's being a bit cheeky. I worry that this could cause a 'thing' in the family. SIL is lovely, so I think (hope!) this is a genuine oversight rather than CFery but it's all just very awkward. WWYD?

@Failingat40 - no, it's cheap for a 3 tiered cake that feeds 150 people, that SIL asked for, and had been prepared to pay some professional, so obviously had budgeted more like £300-400.

Consider if she just bought birthday cakes from Tesco, the standard nice ones that serve 10-12 people cost around £10. She'd need 13 of them to have enough for everyone. That's before she wanted them tiered and decorated in a particularly fancy way.

This wasn't a small family cake size, she needed mass catering level. She was serving cake as pudding that would cost 80p per serving, hardly excessive...

It depends. I can just see SIL posting a similar AIBU: my is now invoicing me for a cake which I thought was a gift.

TBH I'd let it slide but just make sure next time you're absolutely clear on the arrangements and get the money beforehand.

I would just let it go, tbh, it sounds like a misunderstanding. If you ask for money at this stage, it will just sour something special.

Maybe you're overthinking this? It's only been a week since the party and they're probably still recovering from it all. Perhaps she's intending to pay you next time she sees you?

A quick word or text from her brother is what's needed.

Thank you for the replies - it seems the majority consensus is that I should just let my DH sort it. To be fair, he knows them better and comes from a straight talking about money background, whereas I just want the ground to swallow me up if someone owes me money!

Will give DH the green light.

I've seen people moan at cake costs before on Facebook and wonder if they have any idea how much ingredient and tools actually cost. I swear they think whatever size cake it is, it only takes a bag of flour and sugar and a few eggs for a tenner.

Just get your DH to send a text to his sister saying "We've payed OP's Mum both our share and your share of the cake cost so that she isn't waiting for it. You can give me the £70 next time we meet or would you rather have my account details to transfer it?" Then make sure that your Mum is fully booked if ever SIL needs another cake made.

Have you seen them since the party ? Maybe they are waiting until they see you next to give you the money ? I’d maybe send a text ‘Hi, sil, i’ll Be seeing my mum beginning of the week to give her the money for making the cake ? do you want us to pop round on the way to collect your share of it ?’

Have to laugh at the poster who says £120 is a high price for a cake to serve 150 people. That’s less than a £1 a slice.
If you can make a cake that size for less than that then please give us all your cake making business details.

She was let down quite late by the people sorting the birthday cake.

whereas DH's Mum and sister aren't as financially generous. I think this has caused them to have the (mistaken) assumption that my side of the family are much more well off.

Okay, reading these statements, your husband has probably figured that his sister knows there's a price difference. You also make it clear to her. She was probably let down because she tried to take the piss out of the other service providers. She made those flowery speeches to get out of paying anything. The only person being awkward is her. Hope your husband has the measure of her and tells her you all need that money back. The lesson to be learned here is never to offer to help her like this again.

Your SIL is being a cheeky so and so. Your DH has to ask her for the money. "The total cost would be £120, we're happy to pay £50 towards that" is very clear indeed. The speeches to me feel intended to shame you into paying for the whole thing and that would really puss me off.

Failingat40 you clearly have no idea about how much the materials cost to make a cake like this. I made a cake for my DN birthday recently that was a fraction of the size of the one being discussed here but had extensive, multi-coloured sugarpaste decoration and it cost me about £60-70 to make (not sure exactly) it’s expensive making these things, especially when you’re a home bake and don’t have the benefit of economies of scale.

Let your DH speak to her - all he needs to say is she giving you the money in cash or by bank transfer. It hopefully won’t become a thing, and it sounds like you were clear what the cost was and what would be left after you paid your bit. Perhaps she didn’t know how much cost actually went into making these things but she definitely was told what the cake would cost so won’t have been surprised.

How much were they originally paying for the cake? (The first one). That should give you a clue how cheeky they are being, and you might reconsider being more direct 😉

Like op says, I'd ring or text her something similar, also explain yourself otherwise she might get the wrong end of the stick.

Hi sil
Was lovely to see you at the party the other day and I had a great time! Sorry for not mentioning this sooner but the cake my mum made came to £120, I'm happy to pay x amount towards it but would it be alright if you paid £70? The ingredients and time my mum took to make the cake was Alot amd I don't want her to be out of pocket. Again really sorry for the confusion, hope this is alright, I hope I haven't come across as rude! X

For anyone questioning the costing...

M&S do cakes this size and charge between £220 and £350.

link to M&S cakes

Clearly the OP and her mum were doing a MASSIVE favour.

SIL is being an absolute chancer.

I'm amazed that anyone would think £120 For a cake that did 150 people is expensive-wtf, have you actually looked at the price of cakes?
OP I agree you should let DH sort it.

If you don’t mention it then your DM will be expected to “give” a fancy cake for every birthday party in SIL’s family from now on so for that reason I would remind your SIL about the £70.

I think people thinking that it is a lot for a cake, do not realise the cost of materials, hours to make the cake it takes, it is not just your Victoria sponge in an oven type job. That is very good for a cake feeding 150 people. Oh over 15 years ago, my friends paid £400 for a wedding cake feeding about 150 people to be professionally made. They can go up to hundreds. I would let your dh speak to SIL, and if the money does not come, don't do them anymore favours.

Why would you even think of stopping your dh from speaking to his own sister about this? Let him sort it out.

So at some point your SIL was going to have to pay £££ for a cake - and then although you were sourcing Cake B she knew she still had to pay £70 (so still less than cake A) and she hasn't? Let your DH loose on her.

Failingat40

That's a ridiculously high amount of money for a cake!! Especially at 'mates rates'!

I'm not doubting it looked and tasted amazing but I'd be furious at having to pay £70 towards it

Either it's not a clue about cakes and what goes into them or you're accustomed to really shit cakes?

gamer I think that poster is used to getting £10 supermarket cakes that taste crap!

I’d let it go. Clearly there has been a misunderstanding. Learn the lesson that things have to be absolutely crystal clear in advance.

Eg not “cake costs 120 we’ll pay 50”
But
“Cake ingredients cost 120, we will pay 50 as our present to you, you pay the remaining 70 to my mum when she delivers it on x date”

I'm glad you're having your DH talk to her. It is his sister ... and she is clearly being cheeky expecting you to pay that much for her cake.

You contributed a significant amount, as did your mum who didn't charge for all the time and effort she put into it. He needs to point that out and collect the £70 she owes.

And she needs to say 'thank you' again rather than bitch about it. You and your mum did her a massive favour which she knows full well since her original cake plans fell through. SHe knows how much they cost!

El your message is fine if sil hadn't ever known that she would have to pay something for the cake, but she knew full well that op was only putting something towards it.

She knows how much it cost, she knows she got lucky as I bet the original cake cost tons more than that, and she knew op was putting 50 quid in the pot and the rest was up to her.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if there had never been another cake, just sil not realising how much one would cost and then getting a shock when she got a quote.

" ... I've been brought up to be very generous, whereas DH's Mum and sister aren't as financially generous. I think this has caused them to have the (mistaken) assumption that my side of the family are much more well off ..."

OMG that's happened to me so often I've never seen it put more succinctly - if you are generous then people who aren't assume its because you are rich, not because you are nice. FFS. Hope you get that money OP you did a nice thing for them.