WWYD - landed with whole bill for cake.

[Halloolah]

As title says, this is more of a WWYD but posting here for traffic...

My DH's BIL recently had a significant birthday. His wife (my SIL) organised a big party. She was let down quite late by the people sorting the birthday cake. My Mum makes cakes semi-professionally (i.e. she makes them properly, but doesn't advertise and takes word of mouth requests), so we offered to ask if she could help and explained that this way would be cheaper than going to a cake shop. SIL said yes please, my Mum offered to make it at cost price as a favour to relatives (although my parents and in laws don't particularly know each other well and have only met once or twice).

It then turned out that the cake needed to be huge (over 150 portions) and so more of a 3 tiered wedding cake size. Mum priced it as £120 (the cost of materials, icing, cake boards etc), DH and
I offered to pay £50 towards the cost. This is much more than we'd normally spend on a present but we figured that it was a significant birthday. SIL happy with this arrangement.

Mum made the cake, it took her about four days of intense, full-time work as was intricately decorated, it looked absolutely amazing, tasted great and very well received by everyone. However, at the party itself SIL kept saying 'thank you so much to you and your mum for the cake' as if the whole thing was a gift. BIL was also very grateful. Party was over a week ago and no offer of money has been made. As I didn't want my Mum to be out of pocket, we've paid her the full amount (our £50 plus another £70) and pretended it was from SIL.

But what should we do about chasing up the £70? My DH wants to have a word with his sister as he feels the arrangements were very clear and she's being a bit cheeky. I worry that this could cause a 'thing' in the family. SIL is lovely, so I think (hope!) this is a genuine oversight rather than CFery but it's all just very awkward. WWYD?

Agree with everyone else, let your DH deal with his sister. It's not nearly so awkward when it's your own family. If she acts surprised, he should remind her your Mum made the cake at cost price - the thanks she gave was required, because she did do them a huge favour, in addition to you paying £50 towards it. Hopefully she'll just be a little embarrassed she misunderstood and you can never talk about it again!

@NorthernKnickers I think this is the whole root of the problem - various friends of BIL had said they would organise things. Someone said they would 'sort' cake and then said they couldn't, another person then said they knew someone, then came back late saying it had all fallen through (I suspect these all fell through because they found out how much it would cost). So knowing this, I tried to make it clear to SIL just how much a proper cake would cost (I even linked to a plain, smaller M&S one that cost £199) and told her to think about it and that my Mum's quote wasn't any kind of obligation.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if there had never been another cake, just sil not realising how much one would cost and then getting a shock when she got a quote.

^^ This. Checked out the price of cakes, fainted, then luckily remembered that @Halloolah's DM made cakes and contacted her with a tale of woe.

I really can't see the problem about texting her to remind her that £70 is still owing for the cake. Better to be straight about it. Or let DH do it as he's willing.

we said 'the total cost would be £120, we're happy to pay £50 towards that. We didn't literally say 'we will pay £50, you pay £70' so this is why I feel awkward.

There's no need to feel awkward as you've done nothing wrong. She is taking the piss and you should get your money back from her. If she really is as lovely as you say she won't mind paying up.

I'd let dh have a word with your sil and ask for the money.
£120 is cheap for a cake that size.
Bil and sil are taking the Mickey if they think your mum is paying.

it is your dh's issue. does sound like sil is aiming for cf tho...

Your SIL is taking the piss, originally she would have allocated the price of the cake in her finances for this social gatheting so why did she think having been let down by previous cake maker your mum was doing her a favour by not charging. I wouldn’t be happy about this

various friends of BIL had said they would organise things. Someone said they would 'sort' cake and then said they couldn't, another person then said they knew someone, then came back late saying it had all fallen through (I suspect these all fell through because they found out how much it would cost)

The thing that strikes me about this bit it, did BIL and SIL therefore automatically assume that the 'various friends' were also picking up the tab? So did the make the same assumption about the cake? If they thought they were going to get it all paid for by other people they're even bigger CFs.

Let your DH talk to them. It doesn't matter if you didn't spell it out in words of one syllable to SIL, your meaning was clear and she should pay up.

I'm amazed that some people expect others to Labour over something for days, costs a lot of money and the not pay them.

Would you expect the same from a painter and decorator. After all the paint costs about £20 per room So they should be happy to decorate a room for that.

I think that given that you didn't get explicit agreement from sil that she would be paying your mum £70 then you have no option but to foot the bill now. The cake should not have been commissioned or made until the money was agreed. Too late now of course but your description earlier on in the thread of what was said could easily have been understood as "£50 worth of this is from me, £70 worth is from my mum". It was silly to wait for an "offer" to pay. It should have been "if you want my mum to go ahead with this please transfer her £70 now, here are her bank details, and I will pay the remaining £50."

Definitely best for your DH to speak to them. I suspect though that the result will be that SIL will claim she thought your mother was picking up the other costs. Hindsight is a marvellous thing of course but I think you left quite a bit of wriggle room by not being express that SIL would need to pay the other £70.

Crossed posts with you - she got the wuote- you offered £50.00 stump up the rest SIL.

Why on earth do people think that is expensive for a cake that size. 150 portions - that;s less than £1 a slice even before you take account of OP's mum's labour. basically that is veyr much mates rates - she's given her time for free and only charged for the cake.

I would get your DH to ask his sister - something along the lines of 'we given OP's Mum our £50 towards the cake, could you let me have the other seventy we agreed asap?'

Don;t act as if it is awkward, act as if there is no question about them paying (which there isn;t because it was alreayd agreed) they just need to hurry up. if they are generally nice and you get on then it is probably an oversight on their part.

You’ve been very clear. I always think it better to address these things then they don’t rankle. Also approach it like you’ve never even thought they aren’t going to pay not like you are asking for a favour. You aren’t, your mum had done them a huge favour , your sil wanted a big fancy cake and had got one at an incredibly low price, which she should pay!

@Failingat40

Did you read the it where op write this:

It then turned out that the cake needed to be huge (over 150 portions) and so more of a 3 tiered wedding cake size

I thibk your message was perfectly clear. Total cost is 120 you will be happy to pay fifty so she pays the rest. Shes at it. Let your dh contact his sister. It wasnt even his siblings birthday. Im extremely close to my sister and her partner but would I fuck be paying 120 for a cake for bil birthday.

She is a CF.

You will always resent her if you (your dh) doesn't ask.

How your sil behaves when this happens will tell you a lot.

Too late now of course but your description earlier on in the thread of what was said could easily have been understood as "£50 worth of this is from me, £70 worth is from my mum".

If OP's mum and the SIL were close then I could understand the SIL possibly thinking that, but they aren't. They've only met twice.

Glad your dh is talking to her, don't offer up any favours, sounds like they are being CF, wanting a free cake.

I really want cake now.

OP, your last post shows that there can’t have been any confusion over the cost of the cake to your SIL. Hope it’s sorted out easily.

I think the best way to deal with it is for DH to state to SIL about the money, don't leave room for questions.

"SIL, @Halloolah needs to give her mum the remaining £70 for the cake by tomorrow. Shall I pop by to pick it up in cash or did you want to bank transfer it to me?"

Just wanted to add that I recently paid for a professional cake with 2 layers that was probably for 20-30 people and cost around 150£. So actually your mother’s price was wonderfully generous - do people not realise how many hours go into baking and decorating?!?! Not to mention the cost of ingredients, icing etc. 150 is a lot of people to make a cake for! Please let us know what DH says to SIL - she should absolutely pay the 70£.

You need to toughen up a it about money, OP. The agreement seems perfectly clear to me and SIL just needs a quick 'Don't forget we need the £70 for your share of the cake', ideally from her brother. So what if it does cause a 'thing' in the family? They'll just have to deal with it.

You are going to have to say to your SIL “ as much as I’d love to cover the cost of the whole cake, I’m afraid we simply can not afford any more than the £50 we already paid, you’re going to have to pay for the remainder which is £70, as my parents can’t afford to just give away that sort of money either” make it perfectly clear that you paid for a good percentage but you cannot cover the price of the whole thing. Maybe it’s a misunderstanding on her part.