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Original poster

WWYD - landed with whole bill for cake.

193 replies

Halloolah · 24/06/2018 10:10

As title says, this is more of a WWYD but posting here for traffic...

My DH's BIL recently had a significant birthday. His wife (my SIL) organised a big party. She was let down quite late by the people sorting the birthday cake. My Mum makes cakes semi-professionally (i.e. she makes them properly, but doesn't advertise and takes word of mouth requests), so we offered to ask if she could help and explained that this way would be cheaper than going to a cake shop. SIL said yes please, my Mum offered to make it at cost price as a favour to relatives (although my parents and in laws don't particularly know each other well and have only met once or twice).

It then turned out that the cake needed to be huge (over 150 portions) and so more of a 3 tiered wedding cake size. Mum priced it as £120 (the cost of materials, icing, cake boards etc), DH and
I offered to pay £50 towards the cost. This is much more than we'd normally spend on a present but we figured that it was a significant birthday. SIL happy with this arrangement.

Mum made the cake, it took her about four days of intense, full-time work as was intricately decorated, it looked absolutely amazing, tasted great and very well received by everyone. However, at the party itself SIL kept saying 'thank you so much to you and your mum for the cake' as if the whole thing was a gift. BIL was also very grateful. Party was over a week ago and no offer of money has been made. As I didn't want my Mum to be out of pocket, we've paid her the full amount (our £50 plus another £70) and pretended it was from SIL.

But what should we do about chasing up the £70? My DH wants to have a word with his sister as he feels the arrangements were very clear and she's being a bit cheeky. I worry that this could cause a 'thing' in the family. SIL is lovely, so I think (hope!) this is a genuine oversight rather than CFery but it's all just very awkward. WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
Halloolah · 24/06/2018 10:30

Itsnice we said 'the total cost would be £120, we're happy to pay £50 towards that. We didn't literally say 'we will pay £50, you pay £70' so this is why I feel awkward. But surely if we were paying for the whole thing, we wouldn't even have mentioned cost? There was even a whole conversation about the cost increasing from £100 to £120 due to increased portion size.

It was a horrible moment, sitting during the speeches and being thanked for the cake, thinking 'Shitshitshit, are they saying thank you to my mum for all the hours she gave free, or are they thinking the whole thing was a gift?'. It's also that I've been brought up to be very generous, whereas DH's Mum and sister aren't as financially generous. I think this has caused them to have the (mistaken) assumption that my side of the family are much more well off.

OP posts:
Failingat40 · 24/06/2018 10:31

That's a ridiculously high amount of money for a cake!! Especially at 'mates rates'!

I'm not doubting it looked and tasted amazing but I'd be furious at having to pay £70 towards it.

You should have kept out of it past putting them in touch with each other. Your mum should have invoiced them directly for payment in full before the party.

This is awkward now as many people wouldn't see any cake as being worth that amount of money.

WeAllHaveWings · 24/06/2018 10:32

I would let my dh ask for the money they agreed to ASAP before any more time passes, there's obviously been a misunderstanding somewhere. Don't make it into a big deal when it isn't yet.

A quick text with thanks for the party here is my sort code and account for the £70 for the cake.

NobodysMot · 24/06/2018 10:33

BlueJava, I'd do the same.

I'm not earning a fortune either but I'd chalk it down to living and learning.

I think the main thing is OP's mother doesn't know and it won't put her off making cakes. Maybe get a price list printed up and give people options and make them draw a ring around the option they have chosen. That way there is a visual, they can see and understand they are selecting the 50 euro option.

AForegoneConclusion · 24/06/2018 10:33

£70 for a cake serving 150 that took 4 days to make is too much?! What?!

WeAllHaveWings · 24/06/2018 10:33

I would assume they said thank you for the cost priced cake and all the work put in.

NewYearNewMe18 · 24/06/2018 10:33

Was it actually explained to SIL that this would be the cost?

A lesson learned, too many people involved in this, too much room for miscommunication. the conversation should have gone:

OP - My mum makes cakes, she'll be far cheaper than a shop, would you like her number?

SIL - yes please
Mum & Sil make arrangements, Op has no further involvement.

TheSpottedZebra · 24/06/2018 10:34

Tbh that could have been construed as you would pay the 50 and the rest (not beige explicitly mentioned ) would be a gift from your mum.

Still takes the piss though.

TheSpottedZebra · 24/06/2018 10:35

Being, not beige

WerkSupp · 24/06/2018 10:36

Why wouldn't you let him speak to her?

itsBritneyBeach · 24/06/2018 10:36

It's definitely not a ridiculous amount of money, that's actually a good price for saying how long it took and how many people it needed to serve. People massively underestimate the amount of ingredients, work and time put into cakes and it can be intensive and expensive.

I'd just let your DH handle this as it's his sister but he needs to very clear. It does sound like she's trying to get away with it!

vdbfamily · 24/06/2018 10:36

You clearly had a conversation about cost, and clearly the person letting them down would have charged at least £70 for a cake that size so they must have budgetted for it. I echo first poster. Just message them saying you have reimbursed your mum as she needed costs covered but could they please transfer £70 to your a/c asap and include a/c details. Even if they did misunderstand, at least with an email they have a chance to recover themselves and sort it out without it being face to face. There is no way they could have expected a cake of 4 days work to be a gift from someone they barely know!

FuckPants · 24/06/2018 10:37

*That's a ridiculously high amount of money for a cake!! Especially at 'mates rates'!

I'm not doubting it looked and tasted amazing but I'd be furious at having to pay £70 towards it.

You should have kept out of it past putting them in touch with each other. Your mum should have invoiced them directly for payment in full before the party.

This is awkward now as many people wouldn't see any cake as being worth that amount of money.*

Are you on glue? It served 150 people.

MyKingdomForBrie · 24/06/2018 10:37

Maybe they don't believe that £120 was just the cost of ingredients and materials - a lot of people get very confused about cake costs thinking it's all a lot cheaper than it is.

Obviously they should have said that before hand rather than just not pay! I'd leave it to DH to enquire but I wouldn't fall out with my SIL over £70. Would be annoyed though!

SleepFreeZone · 24/06/2018 10:37

I wonder if they thought you were paying £50 towards the cost and your mum was contributing the rest as a gift?

onalongsabbatical · 24/06/2018 10:38

Not a ridiculous amount of money at all for a professional standard cake big enough to feed 150 plus people! OP says 3 tier wedding cake type - quick google - On average, two tier wedding cakes tend to cost around the figure of £350 and a three tier around £550. High street brands like Marks & Spencer’s have wedding cakes of high quality available at around this price range. Luxury providers, such as Rosalind Millar, offer stunning arrays of designer cakes with prices often starting over £1500. So £120 cost price/mates rates sounds perfectly reasonable for this type of cake.

SleepFreeZone · 24/06/2018 10:38

Just to add I wouldn’t make a big deal over it. I’d make some adjustments to Christmas/birthday presents for the next year or so and just claw it back that way.

Maelstrop · 24/06/2018 10:39

Let your DH deal.

StrangeLookingParasite · 24/06/2018 10:39

That's a ridiculously high amount of money for a cake!! Especially at 'mates rates'!

No, it really, really isn't.

blackteasplease · 24/06/2018 10:39

He should speak to her and get it sorted.

Original poster
Halloolah · 24/06/2018 10:39

@NobodysMot My Mum does have a price list, but as this was being done at cost, that didn't apply.

It was a huge cake, took two people to carry.

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 24/06/2018 10:40

Failing Seriously... Google prices for boards, supports, ingredients and all the other bits, decorations. Then work out how much someone would have left over for their time, buying ingredients, making batter, baking, cooling, decoarting... Hint OPs mums was incredibly generous!!

Smushrooms · 24/06/2018 10:40

£120 for a 150 portion cake and 4 days of work is nothing. I'd be delighted to get it at that price, let alone for £70.

GenericHamster · 24/06/2018 10:42

Needs to be said to them plainly and simply, as if of course they're going to pay and now you're collecting. Then see how they react.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 24/06/2018 10:42

Tricky one. Can you and your DH afford to lose 70 quid for the sake of peace?
However SIL knows how much a cake costs as she was going to have a professional one made, and then got let down. ( as said in op).

I guess they spent a lot on the party, so are sort of cf/ you are family so have contributed.
Your DH is going to have to spell it out to his sister, otherwise this is going to bug you for ages.