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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Where’s the useby date on this condom?

158 replies

ShitHelpMe · 23/06/2018 15:43

I’ve just found this. And it sure as fuck isn’t for me.
So either it’s a very old condom or he’s having or planning an affair.

I can only see a LOT number and some other numbers.

Please help before I confront him.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShitHelpMe · 24/06/2018 08:38

Nanoo it is a confusing time line, not helped by the fact that we moved in and got married within 12 months but it felt right at the time.
So if they were bought in 2015 it’s not ideal but I would absolutely forgive that. Hell, I hope that’s when they are from. Because if they are any later than that, then we were in a very committed relationship afterwards, we decided to grow the hell up and do things properly.

OP posts:
Emma198 · 24/06/2018 08:56

but it looks so battered. if he bought it when we're hoping he did then you became committed very shortly after surely it would have been put away somewhere and wouldn't look battered like it's been carried about in a wallet?

Original poster
ShitHelpMe · 24/06/2018 09:05

The front isn’t quite as battered looking.

Where’s the useby date on this condom?
OP posts:
dundermiflin · 24/06/2018 09:11

Op putting the condom aside. He gaslights you to your own admission and uses your grief against you. Is this someone you really want to be with? He doesn't sound like a nice guy.

Original poster
ShitHelpMe · 24/06/2018 09:39

No he doesn’t right now. And yes, rightly or wrongly I do want to be with him.

But something needs to change.

I don’t know what to do next to be honest.

OP posts:
PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 24/06/2018 10:04

OP, that condom looks OLD.

The impression the ring has made on the front foul is consistent with it being squashed away somewhere.

The rubbed detail on the back is also consistent with it being squashed away somewhere.

I don’t think your DP sounds like a sensitive or understanding man, throwing a miscarriage at anyone is the lowest of the low.

But I think you have this wrong. And I’ve been where you are and was genuinely wrong.

Original poster
ShitHelpMe · 24/06/2018 10:09

Thank you. I really, really want to be wrong. I hope to fuck that I’m wrong.

I just found this on Reddit when I was googled condom LOT numbers.
Do you think that’s a general rule for LOT numbers or just for the make they are referring to?
I mean surely these condoms couldn’t have been manufactured in 1996?! Could he really have had them all that time?

It was a bag that I haven’t seen him use in years.
It is all pointing to the fact that it’s a genuinely old condom.

Where’s the useby date on this condom?
OP posts:
GladAllOver · 24/06/2018 10:26

I think you are past the stage now of why he had the condom.
You have lost your trust in him. He has been nasty to you.
Whoever is right or wrong, you either get professional help to restore your faith in each other, or you separate.

FuckPants · 24/06/2018 10:28

That condom looks really old and IMHO you have made a huge mistake.

Original poster
ShitHelpMe · 24/06/2018 10:30

@FuckPants so he didn’t make a huge mistake by trying to tell me that he got it to use with me? That was an outright lie. Which is why this escalated.
It’s just my mistake?

OP posts:
FuckPants · 24/06/2018 10:34

But he might be telling the truth and it escalated because you went ballistic and threw him out.

TBH your posts are a bit skewy and you do seem to be looking for an excuse to end things so do what you want, I know that if I was falsely accused of buying contraception by my husband I wouldn't be polite either.

Original poster
ShitHelpMe · 24/06/2018 10:36

Oh sure. I want to end things. Even though I’ve said countless times that I don’t want to and that I desperately want to be wrong and that it would have been a lot easier to believe it was ‘just an old condom” if he had said that in the first place and hadn’t tried to claim it was for us.

But no you’re right, I want to end things. I love being pregnant and single. It’s great.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShitHelpMe · 24/06/2018 10:38

@FuckPants “he might be telling the truth”
What about buying it for us?

He admitted last night that it wasn’t the truth

OP posts:
FuckPants · 24/06/2018 10:39

*I’m not sure this is enough to LTB but I swear to God if there’s even one more inkling of a sign that’ll be it.

Fool me once....*

You said that ^ without even knowing when he bought the condom and before you threw him out, you obviously don't trust him.

Original poster
ShitHelpMe · 24/06/2018 10:41

I found a condom and he lied about it. Damn right my trust flew out the window.
If he lied about that then what else has he lied about?

OP posts:
Original poster
ShitHelpMe · 24/06/2018 10:45

Since we are quoting

he said he bought it when we had contraception issues

we have always had contraception issues. We have never used condoms.

I never ever thought he would have an affair

Yet I never trusted him and I want to divorce him?
Ok.

OP posts:
TopDog123 · 24/06/2018 10:45

Given how you come across I think if I was him I'd have panicked, thought 'I don't know where it's from won't be a good enough reason so I better come up with something else'.

SickOfSitting · 24/06/2018 10:51

Sounds like he panicked, didn't know when the condom was from (if it fell out of an old rucksack he probably doesn't have a clue how long ago it was from) and just said "yeah I bought it to use with you" to cover himself.

If he was having an affair the condom would more than likely be brand new because he would buy a new box rather than fishing out an old one from a few years ago.

Original poster
ShitHelpMe · 24/06/2018 10:56

TopDog how I came across to him was a text with a picture of them saying “Who are these for?”

Yes he may well of panicked and thought up a bullshit excuse. But that’s on him. I’m not being blamed for making him lie.

OP posts:
AnotherOriginalUsername · 24/06/2018 11:00

You said yourself that a few years ago you were broken up, not exclusive and you were "fucking around" and the potential dates fit with this condom - seems totally feasible that he bought them back then

Original poster
ShitHelpMe · 24/06/2018 11:05

WE were fucking around. Him and I. I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else, but I did go on a couple of dates. But yes I guess he could have been sleeping with other people. Less than ideal given that was the time he wanted me back. But yes it could have been from then.

I just wish that was what he had told me in the first place and this never would have got this far.

OP posts:
SickOfSitting · 24/06/2018 11:06

You shouldn't have done it via text. Sitting him down face to face would have meant his body language may have given him away.

Plus it kind of sounds like you made him guilty before he even had a chance by sending a picture with the question "who are these for?"

That's like saying "I found a condom and you need to tell me who you're having an affair with now!"

Sitting him down calmly and saying "look I found this condom on the floor, can you explain where it's come from because I feel upset about it.." may have been a better way to go about things. Or even sitting on it for a while and keeping an eye on his behaviour to find anything suspicious would have been better.

But right now he's been accused and found guilty before he even had the chance to explain. Maybe he can't explain because he has about as much knowledge on how old the condom is as you?

Original poster
ShitHelpMe · 24/06/2018 11:11

Ok I made him lie about it. It sounds my fault. You have made your point, it’s all on me.

OP posts:
SickOfSitting · 24/06/2018 11:12

From your last post it sounds like this guy gets no benefit of the doubt anyway because it was ok for you to go on a couple of dates while you weren't together but it's "less than ideal" if he did because he said he wanted you back.

The condom was probably from a few years ago and he probably has no idea. It sounds like it fell out the old rucksack tbh.

SickOfSitting · 24/06/2018 11:14

You didn't "make" him lie but it's perfectly plausible to go on the defensive when you're blatantly accused straight off about something.