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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP got told off in the supermarket last night

313 replies

OnlyBaBaBiss · 23/06/2018 09:40

DP went to the supermarket last night when he finished work, he took a couple of kids so I could bath the baby while he was gone so he took DD1(6) and DS2(2) with him

He said while he was there an old woman was laughing at something silly DS was doing (being a frog) and came over to say something to DP, he was expecting it to be something nice about DS so greeted her with a smile and got “he’s very sweet but honestly he’ll never learn to behave properly while you’re bringing him out at this time, take him home to bed!”

It wasn’t even 7pm!

DP said he was so surprised he just said “oh ok will do”
DD was so amused that Daddy got told off

AIBU to think that 7pm is not too late to have a 2 year old out ... on a Friday night ... in the summer! 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

MrsMint · 23/06/2018 15:07

@TanTricTwist It's not really "unsolicited" if DS was running around unsupervised getting in people's way. Though you are so very right it is "outdated" to expect kids to be supervised and well-behaved. ..

Deathraystare · 23/06/2018 15:07

I don't mind them being frogs, it is when they scoot around the shop, clipping shins as they go, and their parents are totally oblivious/don't give a shite. I was really surprised to see a dad with a little kid riding a trike around the place.

Scoopofchaff · 23/06/2018 15:09

Bertrand you could interject the words "young" "tall" short" couldn't you too? Would that be deemed insulting also? The words "black" and "old" are not in themselves discriminatory.

I loathe ageism/racism - any sort of "ism" actually - it's a bit much to be accused of being discriminatory when one uses a perfectly ordinary factual word to describe someone.

BertrandRussell · 23/06/2018 15:11

So how would you have reacted to “black”?

MereDintofPandiculation · 23/06/2018 15:13

BertrandRussell I took some of her posts to mean Scoopofchaff was* the OP - NC mid-thread.

BertrandRussell · 23/06/2018 15:16

Oh, OK.

How would you have reacted to a similar post with “black” as the descriptor? And I do think it is telling that “tall” would sound seriously weird. If it was just scene setting, surely talll or brown haired would be completely unremarkable.

DiegoMadonna · 23/06/2018 15:19

This, with bells on. Little Brayden-Jaxxon might well look cute being a frog but he'll soon be bawling if he gets a trolley in his face.

I'm just not sure why a person would be more likely to hit a two year old with a trolley just because he/she was hopping about a bit.

Although knowing some mumsnetters, they'd presumably do it deliberately as punishment for doing anything other than walking quietly beside their parent and staring straight ahead at all times. Fucking two-year-old little shits.

enike · 23/06/2018 15:21

BertrandRussel

dont distract from the main focus of this thread, ie. unsupervised children in the supermarket and parents who think its cute

create a new topic for your questions

MagicNumberyThings · 23/06/2018 15:23

We all know what's implied when somebody begins a complaint with 'this old woman came up to me and said. . . .' They are often described as having cats bum faces as well.

No amount of back pedalling will wipe out what was first said.

Lookingforspace · 23/06/2018 15:25

When DS3 was born, he arrived just after midnight and we left hospital just after 9am stopping at Tesco on the way home to pick up some bits. 2 women in their 70s (maybe older) came over smiling and asked how old he was and I told them he’d been born earlier that day. One then frowned and told us off saying it was disgraceful that we had him outside and also that I was outside. That we should both still be in hospital etc and practically ordered me me to take him immediately home. The other then said that neither of us should be out for at least 1wk.

I ignored them and carried on shopping but I put their comments squarely down to their age and generation. I think age (and race) is entirely appropriate to mention when there’s context.

Scoopofchaff · 23/06/2018 15:28

Pandiculation and Bertrand

I described down thread at 10:05:18 an almost identical experience I had in a Belgian supermarket. The lady who came to criticise me for taking my baby at 5pm happened to be old. This was a factual event.
If she had happened to be young I would have described her as such.

I am emphatically not ageist.

Cornishclio · 23/06/2018 15:30

Child rearing has changed over the years and I can imagine my mum saying something like this so I think the older generation may make comments like this as kids used to go to bed very early - 6 or 6.30 for a 2 year old. My DGD1 is 2 and she goes to bed at 7pm but it wouldn't be the end of the world if she went a little bit later so I would not have said anything or thought anything about it. He obviously did not seem tired if he is happily singing songs and clowning about. Your DP was very restrained in not telling her it is nothing to do with her what time you put your DS to bed.

MagicNumberyThings · 23/06/2018 15:31

I'm just not sure why a person would be more likely to hit a two year old with a trolley just because he/she was hopping about a bit

Because they're hopping about a bit! All over the aisle! Of course it's more likely!

I do give up now. I'm even more amazed at having to explain this than I was a half hour ago.

BertrandRussell · 23/06/2018 15:31

Actually, I don’t have a problem wit children being frogs in supermarkets - speaking as the mother of a flamingo. And another who used to offer strangers pretend chips from a pretend poke....

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/06/2018 15:32

What was said in the OP:
He said while he was there an old woman was laughing at something silly DS was doing (being a frog) and came over to say something to DP, he was expecting it to be something nice about DS so greeted her with a smile...

What needs wiping out in this statement MagicNumberyThings?

BertrandRussell · 23/06/2018 15:33

“If she had happened to be young I would have described her as such”

And if she had happened to be black?.

DiegoMadonna · 23/06/2018 15:35

Because they're hopping about a bit! All over the aisle! Of course it's more likely!

I give up too. Unless you're physically disabled, I don't see anything difficult in the slightest about pushing a trolley past a hopping 2-year-old.

enike · 23/06/2018 15:37

Cornishclio: "Your DP was very restrained in not telling her it is nothing to do with her what time you put your DS to bed."

I dont think she really objected against the bed time :) the focus was somewhere else IMHO

okey, I admit the possibility that she saw a father with a toddler misbehaving and maybe she thought he is a single parent and he doesnt know better..... so she advised him to take the child home :)

DiegoMadonna · 23/06/2018 15:38

lol at "misbehaving"

MagicNumberyThings · 23/06/2018 15:40

Unless you're physically disabled, I don't see anything difficult in the slightest about pushing a trolley past a hopping 2-year-old

Well firstly it's not really that easy, if a toddler hops in front of you. It's not like driving a car. The steering is awkward. And secondly, why should everybody have to? Why not just keep your child out of harm's way? And thirdly, accidents happen. The trolley won't get hurt but the child might.

BolleauxtoBankers · 23/06/2018 15:43

The cultural attitude about early bedtimes for children is a British thing not an age related thing

^
This. Children in Mediterranean countries, for example, stay up later than your average British child in the summer time, at least, because it is too hot for them to go to bed till late at night, and there have been long siestas in the afternoon, anyway!

KneesupGaston · 23/06/2018 15:45

So what if he was jumping like a frog, children have the right to exist too, I really hate the way people practically walk over the top of children and glare at them for daring to just be there at all.

And the woman shouldn't have commented but you do find experienced mothers and sometimes grandmothers do like to pass on things they think you would find useful. It's polite to smile and nod. Sometimes I even shock horror take my own mother and grandmothers parenting advice into consideration.

Battleax · 23/06/2018 15:49

Unless you're physically disabled, I don't see anything difficult in the slightest about pushing a trolley past a hopping 2-year-old

I’m not getting involved in this. The D.C. wasn’t hopping anyway.

But while we’re investigating things that should and should not be said, can we please stop this business of talking about physical disability as though it’s a vanishingly rare aberration?

There will be lots of people struggling with their trolley. Frogs eating flies probably won’t inhibit them at all, so it is unimportant in relation to the frog, but the wide eyed “unless someone is actually (😧) physically disabled“ is grating.

MagicNumberyThings · 23/06/2018 15:49

What needs wiping out in this statement MagicNumberyThings?

Well, 'old' obviously. It adds nothing. Does it?

enike · 23/06/2018 15:49

DiegoMadonna :)
I sometimes get carried away

its not easy to differentiate online between.... you know

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