Aibu to think “loola” and “noony” aren’t words interchangeable with genitals?!

[Mightymelon]

And that cutesy words for your genitals help NOBODY AT ALL?

To cut a long story short - I’m friends with a girl, who has seen one of those posts on Facebook, about correctly naming genitals to avoid confusion when kids have uti’s or worse, have been abused.
DF mentioned that in this thread as well as the willy/mini/front bottom names loola and noony being used by children instead of vagina/ vulva and penis, and said she’d never heard of it before. Nor have I?

Firstly I would like to know if IABU to have never heard of these words?

SECONDLY I WOULD LIKE TO URGE YOU WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS APPROPRIATE WORDS FOR THEIR GENITALS SO THAT IF ANYTHING’s WRONG THE ADULTS WHO DEAL WITH IT (TEACHERS/CHILDMINDERS/HCP’s/THE POLICE) CAN DO SO WITH AS LITTLE TRAUMA AND FUSS AS POSSIBLE!!

nokids well, I asked my 2 primary daughters what their friends call their genitals. They commented that they didn’t talk about them much but they’d never heard another word used than vagina (and never vulva).

I love the way people are always convinced that their very local slang dialect is universal. I've lived all over the UK (from lowland Scotland to the far SW of England) and never heard either of these terms before this thread.

But it is a serious point. By all means use what ever affectionate term for female genitalia you fancy - heaven knows, it drives me mad to think that the only truly universal word other than the medical ones is "cunt" which is also widely held to be the single most offensive word in the English language. Affectionate words are great.

But teach your children the correct words too, and teach them the pants rule (no-one gets to put their hands on the bits of your body normally covered by pants, barring medical professionals when your parents are there), and teach them that they are allowed to say no to any touching they don't want (don't force them to kiss great auntie Edna/great uncle Bob if they don't want to).

(As an example of how confusing this could get: when I was growing up, culture was very much less Americanised than it is now. I didn't become aware of the Americanism "kissing your boo-boos better" until very recently. Now imagine I was a school nurse. How would I be able to tell the difference between "and then [stepfather's name] kissed my boo-boo better" and a much more sinister version of the same, but using a word I simply hadn't heard off before? I'd have to ask the child where she meant. Maybe she could convey this by pointing, maybe she'd be consumed by embarrassment at this point and just freeze, maybe she'd know the correct term... Child safeguarding nightmare.)

I heard one kid call her navel a 'bellybutton', and another refer to his abdomen as his 'tummy'.

But they are both terms that would convey the meaning of ‘abdomen’ bart Different to if they referred to it as a moomoo or pixie.

OP yadnbu this really drives me mad

Fair enough to the pp who asked why it is an anti abuse tactic

A: by calling it these cutesy words it indicates to a child genitalia is not something to be discussed out right or at the very least the adult or parent is too embarrassed to directly refer to it,it means they are less likely to feel comfortable to report to the parent as it suggests you shouldn't directly refer to genitalia

B : often a child will report indirectly, they will refer to it during play or another conversation, if the adult hearing it doesn't know the parents chosen nickname then it's easily missed (as proven on this thread there are lots if different nicknames used)

And C : whether you like it or not balance of proof is needed in abuse cases in court, it's very easy for a court to debate whether the child had actually disclosed a part of the body if it's not the given title...it leaves room for doubt and not only are cases lost over this...but they also mean a detailed and traumatic debate for either the victim depending on age or the adult who hasn't abused it's brutal

To save silly graces the above are just not worth the risk

Plus (bias being admitted here) after years of dealing with vulnerable people and now in the care sector

A grown adult in my industry referring to "hooha" or "nunny" because they are too embarrassed to use the proper tern would be laughed out of the room

We use the term the client wants ...fine it's their choice...but if in a training session or clinical session someone said these we would be crying with laughter

Also it’s not so super important you know people are talking about your belly button because it’s not somewhere you’re being abused if you’re touched

Brun
Wins the thread

I never believed people used all these cutesy names for genitals until I found online forums. I lead a very boring, but realistic life it seems 😂

Do people really not see how 'flower' could be missed?

Busy teacher, 30 kids, "Tommy wants to see my flower Miss". "That's nice". Kid doesn't speak up again because nothing happened when she did.

FFS! Everyone knows it's a lulu for girls and a tallywacker for boys.

@werk
A lulu
For goodness sake. My sister is called Lulu and I sure as hell wouldn’t associate that with a vagina /vulva 😩🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Then don't use the term lulu for a front bottom then .

No arguments what a ‘tallywhacker’ is though.

Surely we should call female genitals ‘tally’ in this scenario?

I've told this story before, but it illustrates why we need to stick to correct anatomical words. Friend would refer to flower instead of vulva with her DD, they knew what they meant. However when her grandad had her at the park and she'd picked a daisy he said "let me look at your flower". Suffice to say it will be a loooong time before he takes her anywhere again on his own.

This is really interesting. I agree in principle with correct medical terminology but in practise it’s not what I use with other adults in conversation - willy and balls for penis and testicles/scrotum, and fanny or cunt if I’m talking about my vulva/vagina generally (though I do use ‘proper’ words for specific bits - cervix, clitoris, urethra, vagina etc, and if I’m talking to a medical professional) - I use ‘willy’ with my 9mo son and ‘bits’ when attempting to get niece and nephew to wash everything not just flick water around in the bath.

I wonder if I need to shift my own language (both in adult and child conversation)

Could it just be that the children of those who teach them the correct anatomical terms are less likely to be abused anyway?

My son knows all the correct terms but in my head it’s a dinky and a floof

When people say that abusers are less likely to abuse children who use correct anatomical words do they mean abusers are less likely to get away with it?

Because I can’t imagine an abuser is going to carry out a linguistic analysis before abusing a child.

Abra

Abusers usually groom, some of this involves making up their own ‘special’ names for genitalia and the abuse itself

The theory is that prospective offenders may understand that children who are comfortable with the right names for body parts are children whose parents are willing to discuss these subjects, and children who probably will have been told about the kinds of touching that are not O.K.

I can see that would be true. But it isn’t true to make a blanket statement that children are more likely to be abused if they don’t use correct terms. That sounds like scaremongering.

We used anatomical terms in our family, btw.

I was taught "botty" for vagina so I have a botty and a bum, currently teaching my girls this because it always made sense to me.

God, that is so confusing. Just teach them the correct words ffs.

I would’ve associated botty with bottom surely?

Um Posie - if everyone knows what actually happened why won't he take her anywhere alone? My son told his teacher that Daddy hit him in the face...thank God the teacher encouraged more conversation and DS revealed that he crept up on Daddy in the dark and said "Rahh" and Daddy woke up and went "Argh!"

A bit of common sense surely.

Just for clarity, I had a bold fail above. The first paragraph was quoting another poster.