Soft - and sneaky - zilla

[Unreasonableunreasonableness]

So at group today she tried to do the same as last week. As soon as party mum lived away from me there she was. This week tho we'd decided that party mum would just come back to me when she wanted (and group leader was waiting to ask her to leave if she followed). Whenever she was with me softzilla stayed away, but as soon as she left my side there she'd be. Softzilla left early as has become normal.
Unfortunately the group is a church group. Tho group leader runs the group technically the vicar oversees. And he had said that until softzilla does something wrong AT GROUP he doesn't want them to get involved.
However, in a possibly slightly more sinister turn, me and party mum decided to go Aldi on the way home. It could be a coincidence but when we turned an aisle there was softzilla. Every time we turned an aisle. When we went to the tills she joined the line next to us. And when we got out she'd parked right next to my car too. She didn't acknowledge us but was just there. It could be a coincidence but she has been VERY vocal in the past about not shopping there (wouldn't ever fed her DC cheap food! She'd only feed them quality.)
I know it seems like nothing but I'm glad party mum was there and feel like I'll be looking over my shoulder again. Police? Or still too minor? She didn't approach and it could have been a coincidence.

Oh good another nasty one

Actually if it was just OP and a couple of posters it would all have fitted on one thread, but there’s lots of us so it’s longer.
Also OP has never started a new thread without being asked.

Might I suggest reading MNHQs comments on the last one before you post another snotty comment? Then go away if you haven’t anything nice to say.

@JelliedFeels

OP has not written 4 pages about how she stalks Softzilla - she has written about what Softzilla is doing to HER and how upsetting it is, and she is getting a lot of support.

If it bothers you, you don't have to read or comment on it, do you?

Please move this from aibu to somewhere more suitable (chat disappears after a while which is useful).

But being too scared to leave the house alone in case you see someone who has never made any kind of threat to you,

Not read the first thread where SZ threatened OP then, by saying "On your head be it"? She has also grabbed OP's arm hard, and been intimidating for months.

Who are you to tell OP she's making a mountain out of a molehill? OP is using these threads for support, backed up several times by @MNHQ, so stop reading if you don't agree with it. Just hide the fucking thread.

Jesus all these people thinking that if they say something shouldn't be happening that makes it all ok and it will go away!

Maybe ops local police are mych better at dealing with this stuff than another area?
Maybe you cant see that lits of people are supporting op and lots are being dicks and thsts why the threads fill up quickly. Op has only posted when she wants to and is asked for updates. and as its her thread she can post 20 times a day if she wants to
There us no limit on how much support you are allowed to get on mn.
If you dont like the thread why are you even reading it? Why waste your time telling others they should have solved the issue by now and ended the thread?

I have been told by the police that comments such as
'you need to watch your back from now on'
'If you do that again you won't like what happens to you
And similar don't constitute threats. Personally I do feel those are threats, what was said to the OP not so much.

I haven't said the OP is making a mountain outof a molehill. Those are your words not mine. However I did say and do feel this dissection of the minutiae of this woman's behaviour by these very lengthy threads isn't helping the OP to get on with her day to day life. Tbh it's the same with any successive thread involving emotive issues, and having been on MN for over a decade I've seen a number of those.

I hope you get some good advice from the policeman OP. This is absolutely horrible for you.

Apparently the Police said it was fine for OP to have MN threads.

Does your facial expressions and body language show her that she is having an impact on you op? I know it's easier said than done, but if you can try to mask your natural reactions so that she doesn't get the response she is clearly looking for, then she might get bored sooner?
Very hard to do though.

Surely if you don't want to read the thread/aren't interested in it anymore the answer is quite simple - don't click on it. Or perhaps I missed the bit where you are forced to read every thread on here?

As someone who has experienced stalking that for a long time was not too different to this and which eventually culminated in the stalker making death threats, being arrested and a restraining order being granted - I say if the OP is getting support and comfort from posting here, then she has every right to do so. Stalking by its very nature makes the victim constantly question themselves and it really does take its toll.

Most real stalking is a slow burner - it's a series of seemingly "innocent" events which on their own appear to be nothing but collectively paint a much more sinister picture. Unless you have experienced how this can build up over time and how it can affect you, then you may not really understand and you may not get it.

So if this is too unbelievable to you or you don't have anything helpful/meaningful to contribute, I would suggest you simply don't read it - it's not that hard.

I don't think you should change group. All too often it's the victim not the bully who has to change school/hobby/group etc. It's not fair and not right. You have the GL behind you, stay just where you are. If SZ never has consequences she'll just do it again and again and again.

Changing group wouldn't help. She has changed supermarkets to follow you.

Is she a physical threat - or is this all psychological pressure?
She is succeeding if you start to worry about going out.

I agree with logging the odd behaviours and keeping a record but can see that this is starting to put new pressure on you.

Could you fight back by making a (at first forced) joke of it to yourself (and family/partyfriend)? She is becoming a bit of a 'where's Wally' figure. Perhaps you need prizes for spotting her. Don't try to avoid places where she might be - celebrate 'catching ' her instead?

Mind games can sometimes help counter other mind games.

You have been really strong so far - and you have behaved well all the way through this too. You are impressive under pressure!

Oh OP I'm so sorry you're still going through this I've lost hours this morning reading through these threads! I've had a stalker before and it's truly awful, you feel so powerless, but I'm in agreement with others - log everything in a diary and report this to the police, however minor you think it is. As someone who's had cause to call the police into Aldi this week (some unpleasant person stole my wallet) I can tell you that in general the cctv quality in Aldi stores would make the US spy agencies jealous - it might be worth asking the manager of the store if you can have a look at the footage from when you were there, it'll show when SZ parked up and how she followed you around, and I think it'll probably go some way to easing any worries you have about how others might perceive it. You should probably ask them to keep that footage too, the police may want to see it, so they'll need to know sooner rather than later that it might be important.

I wonder if it's worth you getting a dashcam. In this instance it would have recorded you driving into the space without her car there so you can prove that she wasn't there first. They're easy to download when you get home. You could put one in the back if you're worried about her following you. I think most carry on recording for a while after you stop so if she confronted you when you got out of your car it could be helpful too.

It might be worth cheking with Aldi how long they keep recordings of cctv for. Tuesday might be too late if they overwrite quickly.
KOKO you have lots of supporters!

You're being very strong, op. And well done for telling the police. I can't believe it was a coincidence, she's not behaving normally at all.

Dashcam is a good idea.

A dashcam is a good idea I haven't thought of. Dh is going to go get one in a bit and says he'll pop in to aldi while he's out to mention cctv to them.
This was the day that the 'big anniversary do' was happening. Have heard from SIL friend tho and she has her sister and dh (softzilla's bro) over. No party that they know of and softzilla and dp are not married, they do not know of any previous anniversaries either.

Sorry I know this is not relevant to the thread, but does anyone know what happened to the titzilla thread?

Tell your car insurance about dash cams, it can lower your premiums (every silver lining..)
In all seriousness I think you are doing great, please don't let her mad antics get you down

Remember when buying a dash cam, look for one that has recording when the car is parked.
Get one for the rear as well.

I have one and use it as cctv for DH's car. It watches his car and his watches mine as we park them facing each other.

And what are you going to do with this highly incriminating footage of a woman buying a cauliflower?

Given her behaviour even after the Police warning - I would consider getting a cctv for your house.

Sandy

1. she isnt going to be taking her car into the supermarket.
2. rtft and you would know why its not a coincidence sz suddenly appeared in ops supermarket straight after the group and 'coincidently' parked next to her car.

It's so frightening that she tried to get your DC alone by lying about a party, who knows what she might have done