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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Soft - and sneaky - zilla

612 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 22/06/2018 16:17

So at group today she tried to do the same as last week. As soon as party mum lived away from me there she was. This week tho we'd decided that party mum would just come back to me when she wanted (and group leader was waiting to ask her to leave if she followed). Whenever she was with me softzilla stayed away, but as soon as she left my side there she'd be. Softzilla left early as has become normal.
Unfortunately the group is a church group. Tho group leader runs the group technically the vicar oversees. And he had said that until softzilla does something wrong AT GROUP he doesn't want them to get involved.
However, in a possibly slightly more sinister turn, me and party mum decided to go Aldi on the way home. It could be a coincidence but when we turned an aisle there was softzilla. Every time we turned an aisle. When we went to the tills she joined the line next to us. And when we got out she'd parked right next to my car too. She didn't acknowledge us but was just there. It could be a coincidence but she has been VERY vocal in the past about not shopping there (wouldn't ever fed her DC cheap food! She'd only feed them quality.)
I know it seems like nothing but I'm glad party mum was there and feel like I'll be looking over my shoulder again. Police? Or still too minor? She didn't approach and it could have been a coincidence.

OP posts:
Inertia · 23/06/2018 16:43

How about driving to the police station after the next toddler group? Yo could just go in to drop off a message/ document related to the case. It would be interesting to see whether she follows you there.

Allgoodfun · 23/06/2018 16:58

I think it's telling that ALL of us who have been stalked have said report report report. Those who are saying the opposite haven't been in the situation and yes, it can sound ridiculous, but that's how stalkers sometimes get away with it for so long. Even in the police I've found some take things very seriously and get a conviction whilst others minimalise things and you get no where, even with restraining orders in place. It sounds like OP is lucky enough to have talked to a good officer who understands how stalking and harassment work.

Allgoodfun · 23/06/2018 16:59

And yes to dashcam, stopped me being followed as soon as they knew I had it

Allgoodfun · 23/06/2018 17:00

Followed in the car I mean, sadly didn't solve the whole issue

MumW · 23/06/2018 19:27

Perhaps PM could tell SZ, rather loudly, that she's been spotted in Aldi and she wonders whether SZ has fallen on hard times as PM thought that AS would never feed her DC on such cheap cr@p!

thetemptationofchocolate · 23/06/2018 22:15

How about driving to the police station after the next toddler group? Yo could just go in to drop off a message/ document related to the case. It would be interesting to see whether she follows you there.

I was also thinking this might be a good idea but then I remembered that many places don't have police stations any more. But if OP does have one nearby I think this is a good plan, if you should see her following you.

ISnappedAndFarted · 23/06/2018 22:30

Shock she's a loon!!!

Awhoosh · 24/06/2018 00:52

Off topic but replying to @crispysausagerolls

There was a second thread - I think TZ continued to complain on FB. But there wasn’t much more reported

TITZILLA 2: Implants, lawsuits & love affairshttp://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3245152-titzilla-2-implants-lawsuits-love-affairs

marmeemarch1 · 24/06/2018 21:52

Hi Unreasonable, just read through some of your posts, what a horrid situation for you to be in, however your friends sound wonderful. I really hope for you she finds something else to focus on and leaves you alone.

Rozzzzzalmost35 · 24/06/2018 23:30

Omg she's still at it. Keep a diary of everything and I'd find somewhere else to go on a Friday morning. I know you shouldn't have to but.....

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 25/06/2018 00:46

Oh Unreasonableness, I am so sorry that vile woman is still houndng you. I thinkyou are coping really well in the circumstances. She's really pushing it into a whole new arena now.
You are not being paranoid. It is not a coincidence. As to looking at CCTV, I don't think that Aldi would give it to you. I think the request would have to come from the police,so its worth asking on Tuesday. I agree with the other posters who suggested getting the police you've been dealing with to contact the Vicar who is sitting on the fence and just doesn't seem to understand.
Stay strong and I hope that there's now enough updates for the police to consider further action. This whole situation is so unfair, as are some of the very negative posts on here. But I hope you know that most are supporting you and I hope it helps.

ChiefSuspect · 25/06/2018 07:49

Softzilla appears to have changed her tactics from harassment to stalking which in legal terms a different concept. This guidance from CPS is useful. It specifically outlines that when taken in isolation each stalking incident can appear innocent, but that the cumulative effect is so that the victim feels they need to curtail their activities. The Aldi incident doesn't sound like a coincidence, and I recommend asking the Police to look into obtaining the CCTV to see if she was following your vehicle. They might not be inclined to, but being able to quote stalking guidance may help. I also think dash cam is a good idea.

AllCleverAndThat · 26/06/2018 21:43

What did the police say OP?

justilou1 · 26/06/2018 22:14

Nothing to report after police visit?

Anon12345ABC · 26/06/2018 22:34

I hope you can get this sorted OP. Keep a log of every little incident.

BerylStreep · 28/06/2018 17:38

Hope tomorrow is uneventful. Does the group finish up for the summer? Perhaps a bit of space might help to let things cool down.

Celticmombella · 28/06/2018 18:28

Thinking of you for tomorrow... Hopefully all goes well

BlueEyedBengal · 28/06/2018 21:00

Hope all is great for you this week with no trouble from SZ

justilou1 · 28/06/2018 22:55

Here’s hoping all is peaceful today, OP!

MyOtherProfile · 29/06/2018 10:20

Ooh yes it's Friday!

gingergenius · 29/06/2018 10:43

Can't believe this is all still going on? Poor op

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 29/06/2018 15:42

Hey! Sorry it's been a bit of a crazy week!
Spoke to the police officer dealing with this who said that they won't act based on what has happened -yet- but to keep a log and keep them informed. Also suggested that we get some legal advice so we contacted the legal people on our insurance. They suggested that they send a 'cease and desist' type letter. She should have got that this morning if they sent it when they said. Might be a coincidence but she didn't come to group today.

OP posts:
SoddingUnicorns · 29/06/2018 15:43

Oh good OP I’m glad there was something you could do! Hopefully she’s got the letter and gets a grip of herself! I bet group was lovely today Grin

sulkytitch · 29/06/2018 15:59

Sounds like you getting great advice and being proactive! Do you know exactly what the letter will have said?

Lndnmummy · 29/06/2018 16:28

There you are op, that’s great news that she didn’t turn up.