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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Soft - and sneaky - zilla

612 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 22/06/2018 16:17

So at group today she tried to do the same as last week. As soon as party mum lived away from me there she was. This week tho we'd decided that party mum would just come back to me when she wanted (and group leader was waiting to ask her to leave if she followed). Whenever she was with me softzilla stayed away, but as soon as she left my side there she'd be. Softzilla left early as has become normal.
Unfortunately the group is a church group. Tho group leader runs the group technically the vicar oversees. And he had said that until softzilla does something wrong AT GROUP he doesn't want them to get involved.
However, in a possibly slightly more sinister turn, me and party mum decided to go Aldi on the way home. It could be a coincidence but when we turned an aisle there was softzilla. Every time we turned an aisle. When we went to the tills she joined the line next to us. And when we got out she'd parked right next to my car too. She didn't acknowledge us but was just there. It could be a coincidence but she has been VERY vocal in the past about not shopping there (wouldn't ever fed her DC cheap food! She'd only feed them quality.)
I know it seems like nothing but I'm glad party mum was there and feel like I'll be looking over my shoulder again. Police? Or still too minor? She didn't approach and it could have been a coincidence.

OP posts:
Peripeteia · 22/06/2018 17:00

Sounds like she waited and followed you from the group especially as her car was parked next to yours. I’d definitely log this with the police.

MrsMozart · 22/06/2018 17:01

Log it for sure.

Celticmombella · 22/06/2018 17:05

Log it with the police asap

Bluelonerose · 22/06/2018 17:07

Defo log it with the police. Worst case they can't help.

I now actually think she has some sort of problem I mean after a police warning youde think she would of learnt.

expatinspain · 22/06/2018 17:20

OMG!

LaContessaDiPlump · 22/06/2018 17:22

Wow. She is properly bonkers, and seriously lacking in anything else to do with her time!!

Next time I think I'd just leave whatever shop she'd tailed me to - think how threatened you'd feel if you were there alone?

GrumbleBumble · 22/06/2018 17:29

God she is bat shit!

Jux · 22/06/2018 17:30

Diarise everything, everything.

I think, if PM can do it then Curiouser's suggestiong that she cry out "stop following me, you're scaring me* at group would be good, but obviously only if she feels comfortable doing it.

Jux · 22/06/2018 17:30

Or, PM could do a cold "are you following me?" or some such.

JamPasty · 22/06/2018 17:31

Police police police! She's finding new ways to ramp her behaviour up again. Get this nipped in the bud now! Hugs

Lndnmummy · 22/06/2018 17:35

This is terrible

ColourfulOrangex · 22/06/2018 17:36

I feel bad for you OP having to deal with this but I'm also starting to feel a bit concerned for Softzilla, she doesn't sound stable for her to be acting like this Thanks

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 22/06/2018 17:39

Do you know if she was in Aldi before you? If she wasn't then I'd be inclined to have a word with the police. Even if you tell them you aren't sure its anything but given previous its unnerving. They may add it to their file and do nothing unless she actually approaches you.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 22/06/2018 17:40

WRT the group I understand where the vicar has come from on that. Though the behaviour has been witnessed before, so knowing the background you should expect support if she does anything there.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 22/06/2018 17:41

What’s happening with everyone else in the group? You mentioned at the start that you were new to the area and there was already a bunch of women who were friends. Are they witnessing any of this? Are they still chatting to her? What does softzilla do when she’s not staring and being creepy?

I just wonder how much it is impacting the rest of the group

Racecardriver · 22/06/2018 17:44

You have good reason to believe that she was stalking you. Report it.

lololove · 22/06/2018 17:44

If it happens again, perhaps you could take a picture of her car registration to show it next to yours? And if not brave enough to take a picture of her there and then maybe make an official note of the
time you are there (exactly) so the police can get Aldi (or anywhere else she sadly may turn up) to check their CCTV and they can then look back and see if she was lingering in gaps, watching and staring etc etc.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you!

MyOtherProfile · 22/06/2018 17:47

I think I would keep a log myself of last week and this week but not go back to the police.

SneakyGremlins · 22/06/2018 17:50

Oh not ANOTHER thread.

I'm so sorry this is happening OP SadFlowers

Tavimama · 22/06/2018 17:51

Haven’t commented before but have been following as I had a bad stalker experience and thus have every sympathy.

She is showing she thinks she is above the law and you really should have a chat with your Police Liaison - if only to keep them up-to-date and seek advice.

Definitely keep a diary with times, dates, where, witnessed by, etc.

This is not coincidence, This is deliberate and, frankly, quite aggressive - she knew PM was with you but persisted.

Please don’t dismiss this - I’m quite worried for you and PM both Sad Flowers

Mia184 · 22/06/2018 17:56

OP, could you get someone SZ does not know to wait outside your group meeting next Friday and see whether she actually waits in her car and then follows either you or party mum? If it turns out that she is indeed following you, I’m sure the police would like to have another word with her.

TwoSweetenersImBitterEnough · 22/06/2018 18:02

As PP have said it's worth just letting the police know. And let them know about last week (if you haven't already). I know she didn't do anything. But it was a clear attempt to isolate you and take away your 'safety net' in the form of PM. It was a power move on her part to make you feel alone and uncomfortable and to try to get one up on you. Sort of - 'You've got police involved and tried to spread my business around but now the person who's helping you is with me - Haha I win this point'. Very childish and quite a playground action, it says a lot about her as a person.

TopBitchoftheWitches · 22/06/2018 18:08

You need to log it as harassment charges need previous. You should get a new crime number.

Can she see that you are unsettled by her being near you?

Ravenesque · 22/06/2018 18:11

I'll just add to the consensus. Keep a diary and get back in touch with the police. She's not going to just stop.

I went to primary school with a girl whose mother did these sorts of things. At one point she caused problems for my mother's cousin and her partner, she kept up serious harassment with a family for years. She did something so utterly vile when my father died that beggars belief and the police had to get involved. This was back in the 1970s when the whole stalking harassment thing wasn't taken as seriously so she got away with most of her behaviour, but the shit she pulled on me went too far. Nowadays I think she'd be arrested for it.

People like her don't stop until they are forced to stop.

DartmoorDoughnut · 22/06/2018 18:11

Fucking hell!!!

If you live anywhere near Dartmoor I’ll meet you at Aldi and run her over with a trolley Gin