Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Soft - and sneaky - zilla

612 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 22/06/2018 16:17

So at group today she tried to do the same as last week. As soon as party mum lived away from me there she was. This week tho we'd decided that party mum would just come back to me when she wanted (and group leader was waiting to ask her to leave if she followed). Whenever she was with me softzilla stayed away, but as soon as she left my side there she'd be. Softzilla left early as has become normal.
Unfortunately the group is a church group. Tho group leader runs the group technically the vicar oversees. And he had said that until softzilla does something wrong AT GROUP he doesn't want them to get involved.
However, in a possibly slightly more sinister turn, me and party mum decided to go Aldi on the way home. It could be a coincidence but when we turned an aisle there was softzilla. Every time we turned an aisle. When we went to the tills she joined the line next to us. And when we got out she'd parked right next to my car too. She didn't acknowledge us but was just there. It could be a coincidence but she has been VERY vocal in the past about not shopping there (wouldn't ever fed her DC cheap food! She'd only feed them quality.)
I know it seems like nothing but I'm glad party mum was there and feel like I'll be looking over my shoulder again. Police? Or still too minor? She didn't approach and it could have been a coincidence.

OP posts:
Fuckwithnosensesauce · 22/06/2018 23:04

I have followed and not posted, but i can understand why so many people are saying this cannot be true!
If she is real, then she is seriously unwell and you are doing the right thing to be wary. Sorry i missed the party section, does she have a partner? Does he know about it?

Lizzie48 · 22/06/2018 23:31

I think if it wasn't true it would all have escalated far more quickly. The fact that it's been a slow burner makes it all seem very genuine to me. This sort of thing does happen in real life so I really don't understand all the scepticism.

@Fuckwithnosensesauce yes Softzilla has a DH. He was there when the police came round and didn't sound at all surprised, which to quite a few of us suggested that this wasn't the first time this sort of thing had happened.

BlackeyedSusan · 22/06/2018 23:54

being in aldi could be a coincidence, if it is near to the group.

seeing someone in aldi repeatedly could be a coincidence, one sort of follows the same route round.

being parked next to you, could possibly be a coincidence, (depends on how busy the car park is)

however, theat is a hell of a lot of coincidences, and she has openly stated that she does not feed the kids crap from there...

seems an awful lot of coincidences, and she should have avoided you in the shop.

really unsettles you. not surprised you forgot stuff as it would have thrown you completely.

Eggoispreggo · 23/06/2018 00:05

I've literally just tonight watched Fatal Attraction for the first time and I feel like she's Glenn Close-ing you.
Parking next to you won't have been a coincidence. I'm glad you've left a message for the police, this bitch needs to be told.

I hope this all goes away for you soon, its been going on for so long.

ReanimatedSGB · 23/06/2018 00:13

The people who are still following these threads in order to piss and moan might like to consider that several other posters who have direct experience of stalking and harassment all find OP's experience familiar and plausible.

liverbird10 · 23/06/2018 00:20

How long until Softzuki turns up?!

Fuckwithnosensesauce · 23/06/2018 00:46

This woman needs help.

justilou1 · 23/06/2018 00:47

Yes... police.

TitZillas · 23/06/2018 07:35

You poor thing. It must be terrifying. She needs some psychological help by the sounds of it.

Laiste · 23/06/2018 07:46

Ew the parking next to you ect is nasty stuff OP Flowers

Roll on Tuesday when your police contact can have a chat with you ect. I think what tips this into creepy territory is that she has upped the 'time and effort' factor isn't it?

Previously she's carried on her shenanigans either at the group she's at anyway or sat or her sofa at home on her mobile. Yesterday she's ramped it up really. Taken a chunk out of her day to be a pain in the arse.

You're not being paranoid. The woman is obsessed! Carry on as you are. Talk to police, they'll know how to go on.

callkiki · 23/06/2018 07:53

Having been stalked by an ex husband you need to listen to your gut. I had a friend round and we were sitting in the garden when she quietly said I think you neighbor is listening in on our conversation.

We both laughed it off and thought it couldn't be even though I confided that I felt he had been watching me.

Months later got photos clearly taken from inside the neighbors bedroom window showing my back garden where he was taking photos of me and the garden and had given them to my ex....

Never would have known unless ex provided the proof but had an uneasy feeling and that a friend felt it too unsettled me even more.

All this was done while I was under court order of protection....so don't dismiss your gut feelings about her.

user1496259972 · 23/06/2018 08:22

She left group before you did.

When you parked in Aldi I assume you would have noticed if you parked next to her?

Therefore she must have followed you from group to Aldi to have left group before you but turned up at Aldi after you?

Bennietheball · 23/06/2018 08:22

A good friend was stalked by her ex for about a year. This includes him standing outside her work next to her car all day for weeks at a time, ditto her home, hacking her email/ messenger, sending her messages purporting to be other people arranging to meet her at various places to try and get her on her own. Oh and imprisoning her in her home for a number of hours. The police wouldn't even take a statement.

I'm more than a little surprised the police have done anything here, or that they would be particularly interested in a woman visiting a supermarket at the same time as the OP. It's a public place. She made no attempt to interact with her. What are the police going to do to this alleged stalker? Tell her not to go out in public in case the OP might see her?!

I have to agree with others who say these threads are probably not helpful and are just reinforcing in the Ops mind that this woman is dangerous, a threat etc. When in fact she may well not be. Who knows. But being too scared to leave the house alone in case you see someone who has never made any kind of threat to you, never even said anything intimidating, is not a normal reaction, sorry.

ReanimatedSGB · 23/06/2018 08:43

Bennie: maybe the difference is because there is still a certain undercurrent of 'but it's romantic' when a man is pursuing and scaring a woman - women are supposed to be available to any man who wants them unless they are the property of another man. For years, horrific abuse of women by male partners was brushed off as 'just a domestic'.

Whereas a woman behaving in a wierd and intimidating manner, over time, is perhaps seen as more 'abnormal' because any woman who isn't kind, selfless, nurturing, is eeeeevil.

Cuttingthegrass · 23/06/2018 08:53

Horrible situation. She is certainly trying to intimidate you.

justilou1 · 23/06/2018 08:56

Why are you waiting until Tuesday? You are thinking about changing your routines to avoid her and the thought of going out alone made you cry? She is affecting your mental health, and if you change groups to avoid her, she wins and is free to go on to either escalate her behaviour towards you or find someone she perceives to be even more vulnerable. Please go to the police.

Lizzie48 · 23/06/2018 09:16

Bennietheball but Softzilla following the OP to Aldi and parking her car next to hers is hardly a coincidence. It's freaking her out because part of her does think she's imagining it. That is perfectly understandable under the circumstances. You saying that it's not a normal reaction is very unkind, as it will make her think she really is going mad.

YouTheCat · 23/06/2018 09:32

Justilou, she has gone to the police. She's left a message for the person who is dealing with the matter but they are not in until Tuesday.

OliviaStabler · 23/06/2018 09:36

Would someone mind recapping what the Police said to SZ please?

SoddingUnicorns · 23/06/2018 09:42

Basically she was told her behaviour wasn’t on and that she was to stop contacting OP and to avoid confrontation.

TitZillas · 23/06/2018 09:45

SZ lied to police and claimed it was all because OP owed her £5 too!!!

OliviaStabler · 23/06/2018 09:46

Thanks

SoddingUnicorns · 23/06/2018 09:49

Oh I’d forgotten that peach TitZilla so she did!

LakieLady · 23/06/2018 09:51

I'm more than a little surprised the police have done anything here

So am I. The police wouldn't even go and speak to the client who was sending me threatening texts and emails. But I'm heartened by the fact that OP's local force went and spoke to Softzilla. Hopefully, if all incidents are reported, they will eventually have enough to do something.

She sounds really weird to me, especially when I think it was just some perceived slight when she thought OP should have paid for something.

JelliedFeels · 23/06/2018 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.