Soft - and sneaky - zilla

[Unreasonableunreasonableness]

So at group today she tried to do the same as last week. As soon as party mum lived away from me there she was. This week tho we'd decided that party mum would just come back to me when she wanted (and group leader was waiting to ask her to leave if she followed). Whenever she was with me softzilla stayed away, but as soon as she left my side there she'd be. Softzilla left early as has become normal.
Unfortunately the group is a church group. Tho group leader runs the group technically the vicar oversees. And he had said that until softzilla does something wrong AT GROUP he doesn't want them to get involved.
However, in a possibly slightly more sinister turn, me and party mum decided to go Aldi on the way home. It could be a coincidence but when we turned an aisle there was softzilla. Every time we turned an aisle. When we went to the tills she joined the line next to us. And when we got out she'd parked right next to my car too. She didn't acknowledge us but was just there. It could be a coincidence but she has been VERY vocal in the past about not shopping there (wouldn't ever fed her DC cheap food! She'd only feed them quality.)
I know it seems like nothing but I'm glad party mum was there and feel like I'll be looking over my shoulder again. Police? Or still too minor? She didn't approach and it could have been a coincidence.

Log it with police.

Tell them straight though that you are unsure who was there first but it seemed she was following you and friend in every aisle you went - they can do a CCTV check and if she's actively looking for you then you have her by the nuts.

Especially if when you saw her you backed off and then she reappeared in next aisle looking at you - they can use that evidence etc.

As for Vicar/leader - they need to get their finger out and ensure safety of people in building especially as didn't SZ try and invite your kid to an imaginary party?

Good luck!

I think you might be able to apply for a court order that she is not allowed to come within a certain distance of you (which will keep her out of the playgroup).
Some people I know had to do this with an aggressive individual who was sending them threads and repeatedly approaching their workplace.

well I'm glad everyone is still ok with you and I do understand not wanting to miss out on groups but are you enjoying it ? if your bursting into tears and worried about it is it not worth looking into other options ? could you party mum and maybe a couple of closer friends meet at park ECT in the nicer weather ?

She's bonkers.
Hope she stops soon.

What exactly is she going to "log with the police?"

The fact that she saw her at the end of an aisle in Aldi?

Thinking of you op. She is reinforcing that it really isn’t you, it is her being several slices short of a full loaf.

Keep a diary x

I'm sorry she's upsetting you. If she's moved to this sneaky, skirting a line stalking I do think all this oddness needs recording to build a picture.

Oh my. You poor thing. I totally understand why you wish to stay at the group.

Sandy
the fact that SZ has made it perfectly clear in the past that she doesnt shop in 'cheap places like Aldi' as her kids dont get crap food then turns up parked next to OP and follows her around the shop?

Of course its part of her game to intimidate OP. Police need to build up a picture of what she is doing with OP and PM to isolate and intimidate her. Its all part of her mad scheme, she isnt going to stop without something legal being done about it. OP shouldnt have to worry about going to her own group or supermarket in case that crazy loon turns up and harrasses her should she?

i'm so sorry unreasonable. you shouldn't have to deal with this.

She's got a screw loose

It's clearly having more of an effect on you than you realised - you are being SO STRONG - and while that's admirable to a degree you DON'T HAVE to be! Lean on dh and friends and us.

Can I gently suggest you make a Drs appointment also?

Can't hurt to speak to dr re the anxiety this is causing you. Get support if necessary (and with how long waiting lists are, how hard it can be to get referred, it is good to be on the radar in case you do need counselling down the line).

ALSO because evidence of how this is affecting your mental health and wellbeing could be crucial in the future. It all builds a picture.

SoddingUnicorns - I'm in Scotland too and was wondering the same. I can't help but think (and I've lived in England too) that scots police would have made it VERY clear SZ to back the fuck off, whereas in England it seems things take more for the police to be able to be more firm! ?

Hope these links may be useful

www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/stalking-and-harassment

www.suzylamplugh.org/support-1

can I just say, because I'll bet you're thinking this even if you're not saying it here

YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS

YOU DID NOTHING TO CAUSE IT

THERE'S NOTHING YOU COULD HAVE DONE TO STOP IT

You cannot argue with crazy! I've followed all the threads and from all you've said about her friends and families reactions I too think it's HIGHLY likely she's done this before. It's not about you - weirdly - it's her and her very skewed, twisted world view.

She's clearly mentally ill and needs treatment. (And I say that as someone with a long history of Mental illness myself) frankly with people like this I think treatment should be a requirement. Her behaviour while not directly endangering another is certainly affecting their health and peace of mind and that's not on!

So did she follow you to Aldi? If she was already there, it might be coincidence.

Been with you since the start. Nothing to add, just and so sorry this is still going on.

SZ is quite a scary woman. She knows what she is doing.

I would keep a diary.

Please report this. It is stalking. Stress that it’s making you feel harassed, alarmed and distressed and if you’ve considered changing your routine because of her behaviour, make sure you tell the Police that too.

I am on year 4 of being stalked and harassed. Obviously can't say anything about it on here. You need to write down times and dates of everything, however small it may seem. She turned up at Aldi after you, parked next to you ( presume she knows your car?) and made it very obvious to you she was there, you need to log it, don't be put off by people on here saying it's nothing. Write everything down so you don't forget it when you talk to police on Tuesday.
Police need evidence to act. You can build up the picture, and PM could be witness for this is need be, but in future try to get evidence. Photos etc. Easier said than done I know, as photos don't prove who followed who etc, but anything she does that you can show evidence for, make sure you do.
It's very easy to start doubting if things are intentional or just coincidence but over time there's just too many coincidences, so you need to have records of everything.
You need to look after yourself, it's awful, draining and can take over your life. Go and see your GP if you need to, or ring one of the helplines or Victim Support.
The people on here saying it's ridiculous don't know what it's like. It's not ridiculous, it is happening and you're not imagining it or turning tiny things into drama. It's the worst feeling to see your stalker somewhere, or to not want to go somewhere in case they are there. You're being amazingly strong to keep going to group.

I would just document on your phone with video & photos showing dates/times her strange stalking behavior.

If she sees you with your phone out she may think twice.
Also, if she stand your ground and don't move to other isles for awhile, you will know for sure if she keeps coming back to where you are.

I would also take my phone out when you are left alone at the play group if you see her coming, just casually video her approaching you.

Don't be afraid to go to Aldi. If you see her there and feel uncomfortable, just ask for the manager, explain the situation and ask to be escorted to your car and document the incident details.

I should add my stalker has been convicted several times, I have a strong restraining order against them, but they are good at skirting round it, meaning it's constantly being changed to cover things. What's really needed is for them to be locked up but that's not likely

She left early so couldn't have followed you to Aldi unless of course...she did !

She probably sat in her car until OP left, then followed her. That's why her car wasn't next to OP's car when OP parked up. Once OP had gone into the store, SZ saw a spot next to OP's car, and parked there, knowing it would add to the intimidation OP feels.

She can't have been in the store before OP, or OP would have realised her car was parked next to SZ's before going in.

she must havew followed her there coz when op came out her car was next to hers!

cross post!

God that's so scary! No wonder you were so upset, what a horrible and crazed woman she is.

This can escalate at any moment, none of you know her full medical history or mental health.

Ask the police to record it as further harassment (she should not have parked her car right beside yours).

Police can ask for the cctv from Aldi and will hopefully be able to see straight away by her demeanour if her being there was coincidental or not. I think the cctv will show her looking for you though and it will be obvious, all good evidence against her.

Then, if you get it confirmed, you put a written request into the vicar at the church quoting the crime reference number asking him to protect you when you are in the group by ensuring your stalker is not allowed to use the group facilities to continue her campaign against you and PM.

Also, I really thing someone (maybe you) needs to absolutely tell her she's being very intrusive and her following behaviour has been noted and is not wanted.

sandy

Op can document whatever she feels is not normal behaviour. HTH.