Soft - and sneaky - zilla

[Unreasonableunreasonableness]

So at group today she tried to do the same as last week. As soon as party mum lived away from me there she was. This week tho we'd decided that party mum would just come back to me when she wanted (and group leader was waiting to ask her to leave if she followed). Whenever she was with me softzilla stayed away, but as soon as she left my side there she'd be. Softzilla left early as has become normal.
Unfortunately the group is a church group. Tho group leader runs the group technically the vicar oversees. And he had said that until softzilla does something wrong AT GROUP he doesn't want them to get involved.
However, in a possibly slightly more sinister turn, me and party mum decided to go Aldi on the way home. It could be a coincidence but when we turned an aisle there was softzilla. Every time we turned an aisle. When we went to the tills she joined the line next to us. And when we got out she'd parked right next to my car too. She didn't acknowledge us but was just there. It could be a coincidence but she has been VERY vocal in the past about not shopping there (wouldn't ever fed her DC cheap food! She'd only feed them quality.)
I know it seems like nothing but I'm glad party mum was there and feel like I'll be looking over my shoulder again. Police? Or still too minor? She didn't approach and it could have been a coincidence.

I've read all your threads and it sounds awful but I just wondered if for you now it's worth just finding another group with party mum and changing. I know you shouldn't have to but are you even able to enjoy the group now ? sometimes it can become all about a point e.g. she's wrong your right so why should you leave but honestly i dont thinl she will stop the odd behaviour. Could you and party mum try another group or soft play? what do the others in the friendship group think ?

I'd definitely log it if you were there first.

😱

I think it's a given that OP was there first, she wouldn't have parked next to SZ. I'd assume she'd leave and go elsewhere if she saw her car and not even park.

I'd log with police - being anti Aldi and then parking next to you as well as next till and being there at every turn is not a coincidence based on past behaviour

shes on another level isnt she

definitely tell the police even so tnhey can make a note of it incase they need a solid case for future

She can't take a hint, can she? Even after the police have spoken to her, you'd think she would back off 😣

This is terrifying and I don't say that lightly.

Yes I'd speak to the police!

Given she's carrying on DESPITE a police warning, she clearly has a problem - but it's not yours!

It certainly can't hurt to contact the officer dealing with this and updating on latest behaviour. They are best placed to decide if it needs to be recorded, if they need to speak to her again.

But if you DON'T tell them and it escalates, they'll feel less prepared in dealing with her (and have less evidence) if you haven't kept them up to date. I PROMISE you they won't mind you calling.

I'm actually wondering if it might be worth your while getting some kind of civil suit against her.

The church where the group is are handling this appallingly badly, I wonder if the police officer might be kind enough to speak to them too - it may hold some sway.

If she parks next to you again take a pic with both reg plates in the shot!

Police can also request cctv footage from aldi/car park owners of its available to see if she followed you.

Those saying op should leave the group and find another

A why should she she's done nothing wrong

B I would NOT put it past sz to just follow her there! And op won't have the same support and the others won't have the knowledge of what's gone before.

Op has repeatedly 'just walked away' and SZ has simply ramped up the creepy behaviour.

The woman CLEARLY needs therapy but that's not op's problem.

I get the feeling she's done this before! This is far too strange! X

Next time park outside a different shop!!
That will confuse her!!

Party mum needs to tell her to leave her alone in the same way you were advised to in the first thread. Then when SZ stalks you both, the police can address it again in the same way.

Yes, police again. She is escalating. It’s a safety issue.

She's definitely stalking you OP, and I reckon she followed you to Aldi. Contact the police again.

God this is like some psyco drama script ! I don't know about logging though. She left early so couldn't have followed you to Aldi unless of course...she did !

At this point I don't think leaving the group would make any difference. It's not about who gets to stay in the group for her, it's gone beyond that. OP could leave the group and SZ would still try to track her down and stalk/harass her.

I'd also report this. I'm sorry OP! I really feel for you and party mum.

Shes pushing you to see what she can get away with. Call the police. Their previous warning doesnt seem to have worked so they need to know.

Ok. Well I've left a message for the police person I talked to before but he's not in till Tuesday and I said it's not urgent at this point. My dh insisted as I realised I forgot a few things at the shop and burst into tears at the thought of having to go out again on my own.
The group have been mainly unreactive to it all, I have noticed a couple seem to have pulled away from her and now come and speak to me more but no one has been funny with me at all.
Trouble with changing groups is it's quite a small place so there aren't that many groups that also fit in with pre school days and I don't really want to drop it all completely. I can look into it tho.

I'm sorry but I'm trying to be helpful now. I don't know if these threads are actually doing you any good at all, you're at the point of tears at the prospect of leaving the house.
Has this woman tried to contact you at all other than seeing you in passing at the group you both attend?
Have you spotted her car anywhere other than at the shop which happens to be on the route home from the group?

Oh Unreasonable I’m sorry she’s been so awful you’re scared to leave the house. You were right to call the officer you dealt with before and hopefully you won’t have to see her before Tuesday.

What she’s doing is not only batshit, it’s extremely manipulative and very, very unfair.

There is a charge for “causing fear and alarm in a public place” in Scotland, I’m not sure if it applies in other parts of the U.K.? It certainly sounds like that applies to her, she is going out of her way to intimidate you.

I wouldn't change groups. At the moment people in the group that you go to are aware of what's going on and are at least keeping an eye out for you. If you go to another group you can guarantee that she will 'happen' to turn up there too, and they won't know any of the background so she will be more likely to get away with pushing boundaries and making you feel uncomfortable.

Is PartyMum keeping a record of incidents? It sounds as though Softzilla might be extending her intimidation to include those that she sees as your allies, and if PartyMum also has to get in contact with the police then it would be good to have dates and actions recorded from the start.