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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Soft - and sneaky - zilla

612 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 22/06/2018 16:17

So at group today she tried to do the same as last week. As soon as party mum lived away from me there she was. This week tho we'd decided that party mum would just come back to me when she wanted (and group leader was waiting to ask her to leave if she followed). Whenever she was with me softzilla stayed away, but as soon as she left my side there she'd be. Softzilla left early as has become normal.
Unfortunately the group is a church group. Tho group leader runs the group technically the vicar oversees. And he had said that until softzilla does something wrong AT GROUP he doesn't want them to get involved.
However, in a possibly slightly more sinister turn, me and party mum decided to go Aldi on the way home. It could be a coincidence but when we turned an aisle there was softzilla. Every time we turned an aisle. When we went to the tills she joined the line next to us. And when we got out she'd parked right next to my car too. She didn't acknowledge us but was just there. It could be a coincidence but she has been VERY vocal in the past about not shopping there (wouldn't ever fed her DC cheap food! She'd only feed them quality.)
I know it seems like nothing but I'm glad party mum was there and feel like I'll be looking over my shoulder again. Police? Or still too minor? She didn't approach and it could have been a coincidence.

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 30/07/2018 16:35

Well! I've spent a long train journey today reading all your threads. Sorry for your trouble and that some have been unsympathetic. People talk about their lives on here and why shouldn't you be able to talk about and seek support for shit happening to you here.

A few thoughts:

You mention a cease and desist letter. Do you have a copy? I think it is common for these to forbid contact INCLUDING INDIRECT CONTACT. That would include pestering party mum. Or e.g. her dp contacting your dp. It might be worth going back to whoever drafted it or your legal advice line.

Party mum might want to issue her own letter or reporting to police for herself.

I'm glad vicar has/is going to ask her not to come again.

It might be worth group leader sending a group message just to outline that the police have instructed SZ not to contact you and that they should not act as go between or give her any info about you. Get legal/police advice on that first. I'm not a legal type! It protects her not to have this out in the open but it better for you for people to know what's what in my opinion.

Hopefully over the summer you won't bump into each other and, even though you shouldn't have to, it might be worth keeping a low profile. If she isn't getting input she might cool off (hopeful emoji)

FiveStoryFire · 30/07/2018 16:41

Yes, why is party Mum writing to her and not group leader? Confused about that bit.

DartmoorDoughnut · 30/07/2018 16:45

Christ alive! At least everyone else knows now and she’s been asked to leave the group, silver linings and all that!

Original poster
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 30/07/2018 16:49

Sorry I think I got my party mums and group leaders mixed up. It is in fact the group leader who is writing to inform softzilla not to come to group.
I will check the wording in the solicitors letter later. I think it did say something about indirect contact.

OP posts:
Ninabean17 · 30/07/2018 16:55

She sounds completely unhinged!

TinyTickler · 30/07/2018 16:57

She is bat shit crazy.

linadee25 · 30/07/2018 17:09

Wow OP!
I commented early in one of your first threads and have followed since.
This woman’s complete lack of self awareness is seriously messed up.
I’m glad you have the support of those around you!

anitagreen · 30/07/2018 17:17

This started of as one of those threads I thought oh here we go tit for tat.... but my god you are a strong woman. She honestly sounds like she is struggling with MH atm, and is not seeing nothing wrong with her behaviour?. It is good other mums have not let her also bend them in a way to make you out to be a baddie as I think that's what she wants. Sending you my love anyway I hope this all fizzles out soon X

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 30/07/2018 18:27

She's a fruit cake.

CoraPirbright · 30/07/2018 18:50

Good grief I cant believe this is still rumbling on! Flowers for you and your relative. Cant quite understand how she is so totally obsessed!!

Apileofballyhoo · 30/07/2018 20:30

Just read the update. You sound better than you did before, as much as I can judge from the tone of words on a screen! I'm sorry about your relative and hope Zilla keeps a wide berth. Definitely worth looking at the indirect contact thing. Flowers

FiveStoryFire · 30/07/2018 20:35

What a nightmare for you OP. Are you going to report the latest happenings to the police?

I'd definitely let them know. Hope you're ok. It sounds very stressful.

FiveStoryFire · 30/07/2018 20:36

Maybe if party mum reported all her harassing phone calls as well that might help.

Figgygal · 30/07/2018 20:44

Cripes after that update there must be a mental health issue involved there

Bluelonerose · 30/07/2018 21:01

It the softzillas dc I feel sorry for.
Can you imagine THAT mom at the school gates Shock

Motoko · 30/07/2018 22:59

At least she won't be back after that stunt.

I wouldn't be so sure. I can see her hanging around outside the group venue so she can bump into OP.

Are you going to report the latest happenings to the police?

They already know. Party mum contacted the officer that's dealing with this and he went to the venue when SZ kicked off.

wafflyversatile · 30/07/2018 23:58

Name change fail?

Willow2017 · 31/07/2018 00:14

Name change fail?

Who?

Willow2017 · 31/07/2018 00:18

She just cant let it go can she?
Was gonna send a card despite the person still being alive or visit you? Is she thick does she think the police were joking?

Def get yoyr legal person inv8lved again. As she is ignoring poluce and her letter surely they can now fo more than.just warn her?

Bet she is the talk of the mums group. Batshit doesnt come close. Take care Unreasonable try to enjoy the hols with family and forget her after the legal bit has been dealt with.

Powerless · 31/07/2018 03:39

Have just all threads start to finish and this is the craziest crazy I've ever read!

She's clearly in love/fixates with OP and is totally and unutterably fixated with/by money! (I immediately got the impression she was planning on keeping the collection money!)

I hope the intervention by police has put an end to this madness now! I also hope that her behaviour warrants a referral by Police to mental health services. Even just for an assessment as her behaviour is deeply worrying. Her poor kids!

Ohyesiam · 31/07/2018 08:21

When you say she gets angry, like around the sympathy card, what does she do? Is it tight lipped and taciturn or shouty?

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 31/07/2018 08:31

Absolutely unbelievable

GoofyIsACow · 31/07/2018 08:57

Shock just caught up on all these threads at once during a sleepless night!
Flowers for you OP

Original poster
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 31/07/2018 09:19

When she gets angry it's shouting and swearing and slamming her hands on tables, slamming doors that kind of thing.

OP posts:
autumnleaf1 · 31/07/2018 09:32

At least with her acting so obviously crazy, it is clear to everyone else what she is like. It's not like she is acting normal around everyone and only crazy around you.

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