DH told MIL I'm pregnant without telling me

[Seasy]

I'm currently around 10 weeks pregnant and a nervous wreck after numerous early losses. DH told me he was happy for me to tell who I wanted to as long as I told him who knew. I told my mum and sister and he knew that I'd told them. I told him if he wanted to tell his mum he could for support and he said he didn't want to.

I have some issues around his relationship with his mum she is emotionally manipulative of DH and cries a lot to get her own way. She's OK but some past behaviour doesn't add up and I harbour resentment I can't seem to kick. I keep this in but DH knows I sometimes get frustrated with her- it's to do with her grandchildren and the way she's treated her son in law in the past as well as numerous things. We have very different values.

Anyway a text popped up on his phone when we were together from his mum and I could see some of the content- I asked if he had told her and he initially tried to deny it but then admitted it and says he was going to tell me. If he had been honest I wouldn't have stopped him- I just hate that he and his mum have secret chats about me and this hugely personal thing without me knowing.

She keeps trying to see me now (she doesn't know I've seen the text unless DH has betrayed me again and told her) and I can't face her. I have to see her soon and I hate that she knows when I'm so vulnerable. I can't bear that she and DH are in cahoots about me behind my back.

Am I overreacting? I'm prepared to be told either way as I have deep seated feelings about their relationship.

You have made some pretty unkind comments too haven't you?

I find the patriarchy fascinating. And despite all your insults, if you come away from this and think of things a little differently then I have made a small difference.
I don’t expect you to agree with me. But I hope you will think about these things.

You have made some pretty unkind comments too haven't you?

Please list them. I haven’t intended to be unkind and will apologise if I have been.

I’m sorry Live, and excuse me if I’m being as dumb as a box of rocks, but......
You told your DH he could tell your mil and now he has you’re acting like some massive deceit is happening. I’m not understanding your issue.

Using words like ”betrayed me again” to describe your husbands relationship with his mum just seems more than a little odd too.

My favourite piece of advice is, choose your battles, this one isn’t worth fighting over.

I don't disagree regarding the patriarchy. You'd be pretty surprised if you actually knew me and my set up with DH and DILs and DS.
But in our situation it works well for me and DIL to sort out certain stuff without having to go through DS.

i hope you will think about these things

odfod.

You sound such hard work. I expect GrearDuck can handle her own relationships as an adult just as you may do so.

She doesnt need to ponder on your greatness. You arnt perhaps such a learned sage on life and the patriarchy as you seem to think you are.

More insulting posts? 🤦‍♀️ We haven’t even conversed in about three pages. Why are you so defensive?

I thought I was a troll that shouldn’t be fed, anyway...

Op it’s done. Am sure they dh meant well and just wanted his mum to know maybe to support him and you both. Of course he puts you first I am sure and he also speaks to his mum. It’s not a competition don’t make it one.

You may be a mil one day. Concentrate on what’s important now. This little life growing inside you and you and your dh.

Nope just don’t like a poster picking picking at another poster for absolutely no reason. It’s just not nice is it. Leave her alone. You have made your position clear but you don’t need to tell her to think about these things as it’s pompous and twatty.

Her way your way.

I mean, I’m tempted to berate you for becoming self appointed thread police, but that’s just petty.

I’m sure pp are quite happy to hold their own conversations. You have been rude and without substance, hence why I haven’t engaged with you. In contrast, Duck and I have had an interesting exchange.

No you have goaded duck and been mean.

Not thread police point taken Duckie can handle you.

And to be correct you were actually rude to me first before Duckie implying my dil didn’t like handling my contacts and adding to her wife work I took that as rude and incorrect so at risk of sounding 10! You started it chick

Haven’t read the whole thread. But don’t ignore your instincts. Your DH lied to you and it’s obviously not the first time. However ‘little’ the lie he’s broken your trust. Perhaps you should have been more explicit with him about who you shared your news with because of your past - that’ll be something you need to talk with him about. He’s 50% parent but until the baby is born it’s your body that everyone is discussing and you’ve every right to protect your privacy and only let in people you trust.

You’ll get a load of people telling you you’re overreacting, or favouring your family over your in laws, but the truth is only you know your situation and the history and how trustworthy everyone is. Only you know what your instincts are and what those instincts are telling you. Trust yourself.

Perhaps you should have been more explicit with him about who you shared your news with because of your past

From the OP:

I told him if he wanted to tell his mum he could for support

I prefer to do the wifey work than the husbandy work such as repairing a puncture on the kids bike, emptying the portaloo in the caravan, checking the oil on my car (yes I can do it but I don’t like doing it), etc. It is all about what works for each family. I’m controlling so I like being in charge of the family calendar and organising our social life. It’s not wifey work as I’m not a wife 😄😄

I can’t believe some people called the OP controlling! Are you willfully misreading?

OP is not upset that he told his mum, she makes that very clear. She is upset because her partner put rules in place about her letting him know who she had told, and she asked that he do the same in return.

He did not do this, as promised. Not only that, but he lied about it.

Is it really so hard to understand why she’s upset about that? Or are people so quick to speak up for men’s rights, that they can’t even read the whole post?

OP, I think you’re focusing too much on your MIL, and her knowing. You need to redirect you anger at him. I don’t think it’s worth a massive falling out over, unless this is a reoccurring theme, but he should certainly apologise and explain himself. You’d already told him it was fine if he wanted to tell his mum, so he had no clear reason to lie.