To find teachers a bit bloody defensive / precious

[SweetFanniAdams]

Just find myself feeling the need to pussy foot around issues so as not to offend dc’s teachers. Not just isolated to the odd one over the years, but seems to be a theme that when ever I try to interact, understand what’s going on (with a view to support their work at home) that I get very defensive responses, like I’m questioning their teaching or decisions or something.
Bloody exhausting.
I’m very direct and find I have to spend a huge amount of time planning and thinking about what I want to say so as not to be offensive or misunderstood. I wish I could just communicate freely.
Is this just something that happens to me?

Does your DS have an EHCP? If not, you need to pay for an EP assessment and get one ASAP. The teachers will then have to act on the recommendations of this. Without one, nothing will change. FWIW, you do sound quite rude. Teachers are professionals who probably have quite enough on their plate dealing with your challenging son and his behaviour day in and day out. The last thing they need is a 'direct' parent adding to this! Let them get on with their job of teaching him and send an email if you must.

Thank you
Yes I’m pretty well versed on the whole medication thing
I haven’t put him on red alert at all, and it was mainly handled by the paediatrician tbh, she went though everything with him.
In games he can be silly (imo based on what little I can gleam) that the discipline is very lax and inconsistent for most of the time so he pushes it over the limit of acceptable and then gets the wrath unleashed after the event - but that’s another side issue.
My worry, and I don’t think it’s unjust, is that he may feel odd, complain of it and be told to stop being silly / attention seeking.
This happens
Not regarding side effects yet but for example a few weeks ago he caught a football and bent his finger right back, he complained it hurt but teacher told him to stop moaning.
He spent the weekend with a massive blue swollen finger thinking his teacher was a cow for making him carry on with the lesson and not go to the nurse or at least stop having to catch the ball.
I didn’t mention it to the school, it wasn’t worth the agro!

What is an EHCP?

It's an Education and HealthCare Plan. In an independent school, you will have to pay for an Educational Psychologist's assessment in order to get one. This must have been suggested to you by the SENCO. Without one, your son's condition may well be disregarded by the school or not treated seriously. I suggest you look into this and ask some questions.

He goes to an independent school so I don’t know if that is relevant? He hasn’t extra support via SENCO team at his school via one 1:1 lesson a week - at extra cost to us.
Privately educated kids dont get access to a lot of the usual process
We made that decision on the basis that he is in much smaller classes and therefore would get more support / attention in lessons and this is true on the whole.

Head of an independent school here. Best of luck.

The School accept the diagnosis but we had to be referred to a consultant paediatrician not an educational psychologist. That was the process required.

You still need an EHCP, as it all comes under the same umbrella. Once you get this, recommendations will be made for all staff in their approach to teaching your son, which will have to be adhered to. 'Recognising' his condition is not generally enough and staff may view these as recommendations. I'd speak to the Head about this.

Thank you
I will do, it’s never been mentioned

You're welcome - it should have been, and this gives you a leg to stand on as a parent in this situation. Best of luck.

Based on your update, it sounds like he needs a medical pass/card to show to staff each lesson with a brief overview of what needs to happen should he be unwell.

Like other posters, he is likely to get raised heart rate in games. Maybe he's messing on in games in order to avoid raising his heart rate because he's worried that something's going to happen?

There needs to be something in place, but I can't help feeling that this relationship with the school is going to be ongoing until he leaves the way things are.

I just wanted to wish you luck with your meeting.

If it helps, at the school I work at (not a teacher) when a child has a healthcare problem like this - eg a medication that might have a side effect to look out for, a care plan is circulated with their photo and a description of what to do. We all have to sign it to say we have read it and then head keeps our signature in a folder. Then a red triangle with that child image on it goes out to games with them, so another child can run it to the office and we can react appropriately. (eg if you child should sit with the PE teacher and the nurse come to him)

It so stressful having a child with any sort of thing in school. I had issues with my son's epi pen at one point but luckily the deputy head seemed to get it and they changed their PROTOCOLs as a result. and I did use the word.

Asking about an EHCP is not a bad idea, but please be aware that you won’t automatically “get one”. It’s a lengthy process and local authorities have made it much more difficult in recent years.

Yes, my youngest has asthma and he has his inhalers in a bag at the school office with his photo on the front. I had to fill in a detailed medical form to be signed by the nurse at the surgery, too.

Does you school not have some system like that because they should have?

I do think there is still a prejudice about ADHD because of its behavioural implications but there is also a strong physical element here, too. I would not have been happy if my son had been told to stop being silly because he couldn't breathe. It just wouldn't happen, would it?