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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL has punished DS because of us

167 replies

gammonsteaks · 21/06/2018 16:29

MIL told every single person in her family not to buy my son any birthday presents because we refused to travel 400 miles to be with her on his birthday. They all obeyed her.

AIBU to give up on them all? They are all horrid people anyway.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 21/06/2018 16:45

Go NC with the lot of them, spiteful nasty people. You don't need them in your lives.

TheMouseTrap · 21/06/2018 16:47

Yanbu, your poor ds Sad

LagunaBubbles · 21/06/2018 16:48

There's no way I would want people like that in my childrens life, what does your DH say?

rosesandflowers1 · 21/06/2018 16:50

Hi all.
As you are all apparently willing to take out a minor personal problem with [MIL] on my innocent child, a relationship with us is clearly not that valuable to you. Your actions have made me reconsider exactly how valuable our familial connection is to me.
I don't expect you'll care very much, but [DS] had a lovely day anyway, if a little confused that his "family" cares so little about him.

I don't think you'll hear from me again.
gammon

I daresay you might get lots of sorry calls or text messages from them. It's up to you how you respond.

But - just as a thought - was there a set party for today that they didn't come to, or is it just that you haven't received anything? Some of my relatives would bring a present the closest date to my birthday they've seen me or the DC. In that case, don't do anything drastic.

If that's what happened they're awful. How petty and vindictive - and all at an innocent child who had fuck all to do with it, no less!

KilledByHerOwnCardigan · 21/06/2018 16:50

YANBU. Fuck them all.

Allabitmuchisntit · 21/06/2018 16:50

Any more info on this op? I can’t believe people can be this utterly nasty!

diddl · 21/06/2018 16:51

That's actually very strange.

What did they think that MIL would do to them if she found out?

The mentality of going along with that is so hard to comprehend.

Iamtryingtobenicehere · 21/06/2018 16:51

Definitely go NC. but just stick to your decision once you’ve made up your mind. Otherwise they are taking you for a mug.
Block them on social media and your mobile phone, change your landline number if necessary in the future and don’t give them or your witch of a mil a second thought.
Ain’t nobody got time for that kind of shit!

gamerchick · 21/06/2018 16:52

How do you know she did that? Could it be she said shell be gatekeeper and passer on of gifts and is witholdng them?

endofthelinefinally · 21/06/2018 16:53

Had she arranged a party at her house do you think?

Mammysin · 21/06/2018 16:55

Jesus! I had something similar happen me aged 7. No friends turned up as my dad had just been sent to gaol. Fuckers. Poor ds hope he had a fab party 🎉

Tinkobell · 21/06/2018 16:58

I would probably ring around the 'non gifters' and present your side of the story. It's not to beg for a present or anything, damage is done there....but just to set the record straight and not allow her horrible poison to be spread. He's just a kid ffs.

LovingLola · 21/06/2018 16:58

Really??

Barbaro · 21/06/2018 17:01

If that's true and they have willingly followed her, no contact with any of them. Wouldn't even say why. Just change your number and forget they exist.

WinnieFosterTether · 21/06/2018 17:02

Is this the MIL who wanted to host a party but you refused? iirc there's quite a complicated family dynamic.
If you and DH want to go NC with all your ILs then do so but don't blame it on your DS' lack of birthday gifts. For one thing, it's a horrible burden to put on DS. For another, it makes you seem grabby and materialistic when your issues with the family seem to go much deeper.

Ragwort · 21/06/2018 17:02

What is your DH doing about this?

182yellowsnails · 21/06/2018 17:05

Sounds bizarre

LovingLola · 21/06/2018 17:06

Is this the MIL who wanted to host a party but you refused? iirc there's quite a complicated family dynamic.

This is the op's first post (under this user name at any rate).

LuMarie · 21/06/2018 17:08

Oh now that is not nice. Pettiness taken out on a child isn't pleasant.

Hopefully it was either an accident (we're not having a party so no need to be wrapping bulky gifts and bringing them over) rather than no cards or gifts in general because in a strop.

Hopefully it will be taken as a "Ok we're going to send a card instead" rather than unpleasant.

YearOfYouRemember · 21/06/2018 17:13

I'll send him a card. How old and when was his birthday?

Flaminglingos · 21/06/2018 17:16

Poor ds, what a nasty punch of twats thsy are.

Anyhoo, you've saved yourself a fortune on Christmas presents this year & forever more.

Seafoodeatit · 21/06/2018 17:17

You would not be unreasonably to cut them out, what a horrible way to behave.

perroy · 21/06/2018 17:17

MIL did the same thing to my son. I still tried to carry on a relationship. But NC for 10 years now and all the better for it.

itswinetime · 21/06/2018 17:18

Have they definitely not got him anything or are they just not sending it in a passive aggressive, point to proving way.

Either way I'd cut them off completely he is a child who lashes out at a child because they didn't get their own way! Hope your husband is on your side!

EstuaryBird · 21/06/2018 17:22

Woman's a controlling bitch. Don't give her the satisfaction of reacting to her or the pathetic wimps who followed her instructions.

I'll send him a card too if you think it'd help x