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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hate own clothes day at school?

176 replies

purplelass · 21/06/2018 14:22

It just gets so competitive and clearly differentiates the haves from the have nots... can't I just donate double and DD can wear uniform?

OP posts:
Canshopwillshop · 23/06/2018 13:17

Lethaldrizzle - I am not into ‘brands and bling’ either but my teen DD likes her labels (certainly not bling). She was certainly not brought up dressed in designer labels either! Like a lot of teens, I think she is more influenced by her peer group than by me when it comes to fashion.

Gileswithachainsaw · 23/06/2018 13:25

She was certainly not brought up dressed in designer labels either! Like a lot of teens, I think she is more influenced by her peer group than by me when it comes to
fashion

Ironic isn't it that to stop kids worrying abiut what to wear by having a system that entails worrying about what to wear.

We can't have schools worrying about patented shades of grey, and logos on shirts that aren't even seen due to blazer rules and seriously then tell our kids it's cos we don't want them worrying about what they or others are wearing Hmm

And as long as schools insist on blazers costing 30 + when asda sell them for 10. Or 14 pound for a cardigan when you can get a 2 pack for a fiver in Sainsbury, or give kids a detention for not having over priced one supplier items then I don't think they can claim thwybare trying to protect kids on lower incomes either.

Skydiving · 23/06/2018 15:37

Giles once the school items are bought that’s it and the kids won’t be competing about different clothes/brands.
Where as if you only have one pair of supermarket trainers it will be very obvious if other kids have three or four pairs.

posieperkinandpootle · 23/06/2018 15:42

Our school used to give dress down days themes, which is even worse, apart from the eco one where I made DD a dress from an old shirt of DH's which had a hole in the sleeve and was destined for the bin. She loved it and wore it loads. DS was less impressed with his patched jeans though. Then there was the time the theme was Space & I got DS to wear his LA Galaxy football top, (tenuous I know) only to find out on the morning they'd decided not to go ahead with the theme, thank goodness I hadn't dressed him as an alien.

KittyHawke80 · 23/06/2018 15:58

My friend’s mum, who was headmistress of a primary school, said that one year there was some incident which caused them to postpone World Book Day fairly last-minute. One child, who’d been in Turkey on an unauthorized holiday, didn’t get the message, and turned up as their favourite character.

It was ‘Where’s Wally?’ I did have a laugh at that one.

OliviaStabler · 23/06/2018 16:00

A child who would be unkind about another child's clothing is just as likely to be unkind about another child's hair, or shoes, or test results.

Yes but it intensifies on days like this. Kids are not stupid, they don't bully you in front of teachers but they are like sharks smelling blood in the water and know days like this makes those with less money a prime target for their viciousness.

rosesandflowers1 · 23/06/2018 16:08

Kids are not stupid, they don't bully you in front of teachers but they are like sharks smelling blood in the water and know days like this makes those with less money a prime target for their viciousness.

This is a weird way of describing teenagers.

Again, I still don't think (unless you're attending a strangely materialistic school) that it would end up about money, honestly. You could get a gorgeous outfit from Primark for less than ten or fifteen pounds.

If you have a bullying culture then you shouldn't be slapping flimsy plasters on, you should be treating the wound. Allowing kids to just be nasty in different, more inventive ways does not make the bullying less impactful, it just makes it easier to slip under the radar. The school is confident that they're taking measures to prevent bullying, while doing nothing.

Kids with poor fashion sense are probably going to be battered on that anyway, poor things, it's not like banning Own Clothes Days means that other children won't know what their own clothes look like! Especially in the days of social media.

It won't stop bullying, or bullies. Even with uniform the bits you have more leeway with (skirt cut, socks/tights, shoes, bags) will give the kids an idea of who has more fashion sense. If you're wearing a second-hand uniform or don't get a new blazer every year they'll notice that too.

I can see the benefits of uniform but I hate hate hate the notion that it will somehow prevent bullying.

Semster · 23/06/2018 16:31

Where as if you only have one pair of supermarket trainers it will be very obvious if other kids have three or four pairs.

Non-uniform here. We're pretty well off and my teens have one pair of supermarket trainers each. No one at school gives a shit. It's just not a big deal.

AJPTaylor · 23/06/2018 16:42

my now grown up and my 10 year old dds have always worn stuff fro m H and M and canvas pums on non uniform day.
i think they have an ability to find their tribe.

Skydiving · 23/06/2018 17:41

Yes semster i agree often in more affluent areas people are confident enough to wear what they like etc. They know they are reasonably well off and don’t have a point to prove. I think it is often the inner city areas/Suberbs that are less affluent. The sort of families that will live on a rough estate but virtually be paying a mortgage to have a bmw on the drive. You often see kids from these families who aren’t poor but aren’t well off may place a real focus on brands and having the latest things.

Then if your parents are poor/don’t give a shit/would rather buy their beer and tabs than make sure you have what the kids call ‘decent stuff’ you can stick out like a sore thumb at school.
And it’s horrible for those kids.

Iceweasel · 23/06/2018 18:01

My 12 year old just wears jeans and t-shirt. He just insists that jeans have to be blue and regular fit, I've sometimes bought them new (about £15), sometimes second hand. Won't wear anything with obvious branding. Just bought new trainers for £15.

If there is any competition with clothing at his school he hasn't noticed it.

OliviaStabler · 23/06/2018 18:12

This is a weird way of describing teenagers.

I guess you have never been badly bullied at school then or you'd understand.

Iceweasel · 23/06/2018 18:14

often in more affluent areas people are confident enough to wear what they like etc. They know they are reasonably well off and don’t have a point to prove.
I am a single parent on about £16K. Have been a single parent on benefits. Never felt like I had a point to prove and so far my 12 year old hasn't either. We are in an average area, but my child is at grammar school, so his classmates' parents may be more affluent, I don't know.

clyde5591 · 23/06/2018 18:31

Non uniform days are disliked by most parents and teachers:
Working parents just have the added hassle to organise
Children become stressed about the whole issue
Lower income families are put under pressure
Teachers dislike it as they can see all of the above + lack of continuity, attention etc.
Did this all begin with the American 'dress down Friday' idea from the '90's? That wasn't a good either

ThePeasantsAreAtTheGates · 23/06/2018 18:39

When my kids were at school they sarcastically referred to non uniform day as "Jack Wills day".

Semster · 23/06/2018 18:48

Did this all begin with the American 'dress down Friday' idea from the '90's? That wasn't a good either

I'm sure somehow this must be America's fault Confused

rosesandflowers1 · 23/06/2018 19:19

I guess you have never been badly bullied at school then or you'd understand.

I've experienced nastiness, but no bullying directed at myself. I went through an absolutely hideous time when DD1 was being badly bullied though.

But- they are like sharks smelling blood in the water and know days like this makes those with less money a prime target for their viciousness.

It is a weird way of describing teens. Maybe it's the intensely animalistic imagery or something, or the ambiguity of the word 'their'... It sounds like you're describing some kind of bloodthirsty mob with a hive mind; odd way to write bullies in general, but for "kids" as a whole is very strange.

It sounds like the introduction to a romcom based in a high school.

TheDowagerCuntess · 23/06/2018 20:46

It's not that odd a description.

It just means bullies sense 'weakness' (or something to pick on) and hone in on it.

Semster · 23/06/2018 20:47

Yes semster i agree often in more affluent areas people are confident enough to wear what they like etc. They know they are reasonably well off and don’t have a point to prove. I think it is often the inner city areas/Suberbs that are less affluent

Perhaps this is a UK thing? I have children in both fairly-affluent and very-non-affluent schools here in the US, and in neither school does anyone give a shit what others are wearing or how much it cost.

TheDowagerCuntess · 23/06/2018 20:52

Same here - and that's because there are no uniforms (in primary school).

Lethaldrizzle · 23/06/2018 21:00

Clyde - 'Lower income families are put under pressure'?! Surely you can't speak for all lower income families, because some will not give a rat's arse.

rosesandflowers1 · 23/06/2018 21:01

It just means bullies sense 'weakness' (or something to pick on) and hone in on it.

I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into it Grin

It just read strangely - especially when it was about "kids", and not specifically bullies.

escape · 23/06/2018 21:05

This thread reminds me of the teaching assistant who turned up to a Primary dress up day as a ' sexy pirate' complete with fishnets and knee boots...

Iceweasel · 23/06/2018 21:16

Working parents just have the added hassle to organise Organise what? I'm a single working parent, my child chooses clothes out the drawer, I organise nothing.
Children become stressed about the whole issue Not mine.
Lower income families are put under pressure No pressure here.

Plural · 23/06/2018 21:27

Most of the schools I've worked in have had no uniform. Liberal london borough. Kids don't care about the others clothes and it's just not a big deal. I don't have a strong preference either way but (at primary anyway) no uniform if really not a problem.

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