Virgin Trains. Pregnant. No seats.

[MindTheGap6]

Starting a whole new thread on this one!

Missed my train this morning due to delays. Got on the next train to London. Virgin train. No seats, 5 months pregnant, painful joints, very unsteady and uncomfortable. All seats booked apart from first class. Found conductor to see if he could find me a seat as I'm pregnant and unsteady. Was told no to sitting in a practically empty first class, and that I should get off the train and get a less busy one if I want a seat. Three members of staff currently on duty sat in first class (fine, but would've expected them to at least help me find a seat). Wasn't told about priority seats. Had to wait until a very kind woman spotted me and loudly said that she couldn't believe nobody allowed me to sit and that people should be ashamed (this is after I nearly fell over trying to pull my terribly uncomfortable maternity jeans up!). Originally had a seat booked but connection was delayed so missed it (whole other story!). Feeling frustrated and stupid.

AIBU to think that this is pretty poor form? Or do I need to suck it up and get on with it as 'being pregnant isn't an illness' as I've heard many times before on MN (prepared for that)

@lndnmummy it’s fairly shit that you have to stand in the hot weather with crutches because no cunt will give up their seat for you. I get that you obviously don’t expect them to and you just get on with it. But humans really do seem to get more selfish and rude as the years go by.

lndnmummy so workplaces have a duty to help you but train companies do not? I think you should raise your standards a bit tbh. Fine if you want to be treated like that but personally I dont think anyone should be forced to stand on crutches at 38 weeks pregnant in intense heat and I would take that up with the train company and very much expect them to do something about it.

@Frosty66612

Yeah there are some very unpleasant folk on here.. Makes you wonder if they would speak to people like this in real life. I very very VERY much doubt it.

Where is the heart and the compassion? It's hard enough being pregnant as it is (for some women) without all this hate.

And as for @Lndnmummy saying 'I stood up on the train to London every single day of being 9 months pregnant!' For a start 'woo hoo, bully for you!' and secondly, you would only have been ACTUALLY 9 months pregnant for a few frikkin days PMSL. So get off yer high horse!

No matter how wonderful or easy some women APPARENTLY find pregnancy, many women DON'T find it easy, so bore off with the spiteful, rude, unkind, mean comments!

And yeah tis true that not ALL badly behaved kids come from people who cannot afford first class.

JESUS this site sometimes!

NotTakenUsername I think lndnmummy's further post clarifies what she meant and that others were right to conclude that she believes that as she struggles through at 9 months with spd (talk about self flagellation), others should do the same.

I wasn’t racing anywhere @waterrat, I’m more of a waddling type at the moment. I was trying to be constructive as from experience I know you can’t rely on people doing the right thing. I was trying to say that if the current working demands are to streanous op might need to find a way to deal with this so that she can cope better.

Lndnmummy
So your on crutches with a 9 month bump and no one offered you a seat ever?
I find this hard to believe

When people say they want the staff to help them find a seat, how exactly do they expect them to do that? Do they expect the staff to magic one out of thin air?

At least don't beat about the bush, what they want is the staff to go and ask someone to move for them

I wouldn't give up my seat unless it was for an elderly or disabled person. Children are younger & fitter - and where they fuck did this adults standing for children thing come from anyway - and people choosing to get pregnant is exactly that, a choice.

She didn’t say that at all. She said she can do it -if op is struggling she should seek out help she is legally entitled to from her employer, not have a go at the train company because she’s had a bad morning:

100% agree with all of waterrat's posts. The lack of empathy displayed by some posters is pretty much all that's wrong with society.

Makes you wonder if they would speak to people like this in real life.

I absolutely would not speak as candidly in real life. That’s part of the attraction of a forum like this.

Wow, that told me then didn’t it
Shiny I don’t know who you think you are but knowing me you really do not.

OP, all the best for the rest of your pregnancy I wish you well.

how is anyone going to ever do the right thing if no one expects it? I expect people to behave decently and when they dont I call them up on it... train companies and workplaces alike.
I mean christ look at the provision for things like disabled toilets on trains which is frankly awful... should no one ever complain about these things because 'oh its expensive and no one really cares, just dont travel on the train' etc etc etc
Hopefully in the future if enough people give a shit about these things instead of just expecting to be treated without compassion then they might improve

@nottaken keyboard warrior then!

Pregnancy might be a choice, but until you are pregnant you have no way of knowing how it is going to impact on you. Having hyperemesis or severe SPD isn't a choice.

Would you refuse to give up your seat for someone on crutches or in a wheelchair because they are injured/disabled as a resulting of a cycling accident, for example? But...cycling is a choice. Playing sport is a choice. So if you end up injured as a result then that's just tough shit surely...

Asking staff to help find a seat isn't unreasonable anyway - it can be hard going walking up and down through a busy moving train especially with SPD. Asking for help is reasonable as there might well be seats available which you just haven't been able to find.

What a lot of nastiness on this thread. OP, I'd contact Virgin on Twitter. This usually sets them in action.

I have commuted through London while pregnant twice and ALWAYS given a seat within minutes of getting on a train - I will bring my kids up to always offer a seat to someone less able to stand.

The idea that seats would actually be left empty while someone struggles to stand is just awful.

When people say they want the staff to help them find a seat, how exactly do they expect them to do that? Do they expect the staff to magic one out of thin air?

If the train has a large number of carriages and you get on at a certain point and cannot immediately find a seat, the train manager can say if he has seen free seats in certain carriages, if one carriage is deemed un-reservable so seating is on a first come first served basis etc.

He wbu not to tell you about priority seats (although I’m surprised you didn’t know about this already).

I think that was unkind of the Virgin staff, especially as you were on that train due to a delay.

I'd tweet them (if I was on twitter) as nothing will change if nothing is said.

Eliza9917 there were seats free in first class
What about a person carrying a two year old...stand for them or let them fall?
Why are you so bitter about pregnant women, regardless of a choice or not some/ most past a certain point need a seat or risk causing physical harm on a moving train/ bus

if op is struggling she should seek out help she is legally entitled to from her employer, not have a go at the train company

Well, she could do both of course, since she is entitled to feel aggrieved at an empty first class when their own policy states that she will be helped, which might include an upgrade to first class if there are no other seats.

I should think that, like many pregnant women, she won't want to give her employer any reason to think she's not coping with her pregnancy. Lots of women struggle through because they're fearful of repercussions - whatever the legalities of it, some employers will surmise that women who admit they are struggling with pregnancy may well struggle with meeting the demands of a job as a mother (however wrong that is). Women can feel very vulnerable in their jobs while pregnant and on mat leave.

Frosty66612 at times, yes. On this one I’m a bit more in the ‘amusing myself by saying what I think’ camp, but at times I’m a warrior... I also stand up for things in real life, but much more important things than a 5months pregnant lady taking her frustrations of a bad morning to aibu section of Mumsnet.

I imagine the OP's journey is considerably longer than Lndnmummy's tube journey too.

OnlyFoolsnMothers,

But if that consideration is not forthcoming and that help/decency doesn’t materialise then that leaves the op vulnarable which the employer could be liable for (if said travel iis part of her working conditions). That’s my entire point. If op is under so much strain then it isn’t feasible if her employer to expect her to continue doing those tasks.

Of course we can all whine and complain about how horrible our fellow commuters are but I was trying to advise on how to manage the pregnancy going forward.

Ghanagirl, it appears that clearly we have never been on the same train

YAbu - have had 3 pregnancies and on long distance would pay to upgrade even if missing was not my fault.

Travelled everyday on a 20min commuter train and if no one got up or was too packed to get in given how fat I was I would go to first and happily pay if requested. Often told by guard just to get in first class when waddling down platform at waterloo!