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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Virgin Trains. Pregnant. No seats.

262 replies

MindTheGap6 · 21/06/2018 09:09

Starting a whole new thread on this one!

Missed my train this morning due to delays. Got on the next train to London. Virgin train. No seats, 5 months pregnant, painful joints, very unsteady and uncomfortable. All seats booked apart from first class. Found conductor to see if he could find me a seat as I'm pregnant and unsteady. Was told no to sitting in a practically empty first class, and that I should get off the train and get a less busy one if I want a seat. Three members of staff currently on duty sat in first class (fine, but would've expected them to at least help me find a seat). Wasn't told about priority seats. Had to wait until a very kind woman spotted me and loudly said that she couldn't believe nobody allowed me to sit and that people should be ashamed (this is after I nearly fell over trying to pull my terribly uncomfortable maternity jeans up!). Originally had a seat booked but connection was delayed so missed it (whole other story!). Feeling frustrated and stupid.

AIBU to think that this is pretty poor form? Or do I need to suck it up and get on with it as 'being pregnant isn't an illness' as I've heard many times before on MN (prepared for that)

OP posts:
letsallhaveanap · 21/06/2018 10:43

some people on this thread are like the 'Four Yorkshiremen'
'Well when I was three weeks overdue I ran the London Marathon twice, why would anyone want to sit down?!'
'Well when I was half way through giving birth I went round and did some DIY for my manager and then I cooked my family a Sunday roast. Then nipped back into the hospital to push the rest of the baby out. Childbirth isnt an illness!'

Frosty66612 · 21/06/2018 10:44

@pikehau but the guy she asked for help didn’t tell her that she could pay extra for upgrading to first class, he just told her to get off the train and get another one. She might not have known about the £15 extra charge (or whatever it is) to upgrade.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/06/2018 10:46

Lndnmummy I just think we’ve jumped to an extreme, a pregnant woman needs a seat, she doesn’t immediately seek to stop work. OP has not stated that she finds her job too difficult at this stage of her pregnancy. She is saying the trains buggered up, subsequently she was on a packed train and needed a seat and the staff were asses. Wording in such a way as to blame the pregnant woman as opposed to the incompetent staff isn’t right.

MargaretCavendish · 21/06/2018 10:48

The only way it makes sense to say that you should stop working if you can't stand on a train is if you're a train conductor.

Mookatron · 21/06/2018 10:49

The trouble is that first class is a bit emperor's new clothes isn't it, so it's like 'imagine you'd paid for for first class and then some oik sits there actually revealing the fact you'd been stupid enough to pay loads of money for fuck all'. People have lost track of what is actually real, like a pregnant woman experiencing physical discomfort vs a business person (whose company probs paid anyway) having their superiority complex dented.

They should have found you a seat in standard and if they couldn't they should have put you in first class. The trouble with private trains companies is it's not like you can even say you won't take their trains again - because you can't really choose to go to Cardiff instead of London, can you.

Complain.

GrandTheftWalrus · 21/06/2018 10:53

I had a man shove me out the way to sit in the priority seat on a scotrail train. He couldn't see my bump from behind. I had stepped forward to get the seat but he thought he was more entitled to it.

The train was too busy to find the inspector so I just left him to it.

He did see my bump when he turned round and looked a bit guilty.

Jaxhog · 21/06/2018 10:53

I was just told that if I wanted to sit that I shouldn't get such a busy train and that I should get off and get another one that's not as busy.

That's terrible. I'm also pretty appalled that no-one gave you their seat either, if you're obviously pregnant.

Furiosa · 21/06/2018 10:58

Some of these replies song down right anti natalist. The OP needed bit of help which could have been provided but people are arguing assistance rightfully should be with held because the nature of OP's problem is pregnancy. It's a bit scary.

I had a twat in lycra shout at me because the train conductor wouldn't let him on an already ram packed train with his bike. The conductor pointed out it would be squashing me so twat demanded I got off the train as it wasn't his fault I wasn't on the pill Angry

It's not just that some people are dicks about pregnant women but how fucking happy and keen they are to be so.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/06/2018 11:00

Furiosa that’s awful- I hope you told him the clues in the bike!

BarbarianMum · 21/06/2018 11:01

Im not sure that I'd give up my reserved (long distance) seat for anybody if there were actually seats available somewhere on the train. Think its pretty shit of the teain companies to expect passengers to sit on the floor/stand for hours just so they can move some empty first class seats around.

amyboo · 21/06/2018 11:03

FWIW, the country I live (which is just across the Channel from the UK) let's all pregnant women sit in first class on trains - for free! It's allowed from the 2nd trimester (so about 13 weeks) and you just need a letter from your doctor for those first few weeks where you're not really showing.

I commute every day on often very packed commuter trains into the city, and being able to sit in 1st class during my last 3 pregnancies was a life-saver....

amyboo · 21/06/2018 11:05

I meant that you pay for 2nd class and get a free upgrade to 1st class, not that it's totally free by the way.

LaurieFairyCake · 21/06/2018 11:09

This thread is a brilliant example of Mumsnet users going down hill or being invaded by arseholes.

The very idea that people would be anti-pregnancy is idiotic.

Women who are pregnant need to sit down on lurching transport so they don’t fall or crash into a pole and harm the baby.

The idea that the above ^^ is a controversial statement is bonkers.

speakingwoman · 21/06/2018 11:12

yanbu

I wish people looked after each other more on trains and gave seats to those who needed them.

lhastingsmua · 21/06/2018 11:13

To be fair, I think you need to realise the difference between a kind gesture and being entitled to something. You’re not entitled to get a cushy first class seat and first class service on a standard ticket just because you’re pregnant, although it would be a very nice gesture. If sitting in first class was so important, you could have paid for an upgrade? Or got to the doors in good time be one of the first people on, or just taken the next service as it would have been quieter? You were delayed anyway.

Pregnancy itself isn’t an illness. I mean where is the line drawn? What happens if someone has anxiety and needs a seat as they can’t cope with standing up? What happens if someone is hungover and genuinely may throw up if they stand up on a moving train? What happens if someone demands a seat for their small toddler/child, or a family want to all sit together? What happens if someone that is genuinely doing important work on their laptop would like a table seat next to a plug socket? Or someone who faced a recent bereavement and wants your seat as they’re upset? To some extent it seems that there’s no point sitting down on public transport as there will always be a reason why someone else needs your reserved seat.

Tickets are reserved for a reason and I think that seat holders shouldn’t be forced to give up their reserved seats - it should be from their own accord

Whatshallidonowpeople · 21/06/2018 11:14

Yet another person who thinks being pregnant is something unusual or entitles them to special treatment. If you want to sit in 1st class, pay for it.

Mookatron · 21/06/2018 11:15

She didn't want to sit in first class. She wanted to sit down. I for one think being pregnant should afford you this basic comfort, yes.

BonfiresOfInsanity · 21/06/2018 11:16

Jesus, what a bunch of arseholes on this thread. Why would anyone not want to help someone who is struggling? If someone needs a seat, just let them have a fucking seat, a bit of human compassion people!

And for those of you telling her to give up work, don't know what planet you all live on but most people can't just afford to stop and most employers give the bare minimum in terms of maternity pay / sick leave. A little bit of tolerance for each other would make it possible for someone to carry on instead of sitting at home unable to pay the bills.

Genuinely horrified at the attitudes.

Pikehau · 21/06/2018 11:18

**Frosty66612

@pikehau but the guy she asked for help didn’t tell her that she could pay extra for upgrading to first class, he just told her to get off the train and get another one. She might not have known about the £15 extra charge (or whatever it is) to upgrade.
**

Ok agree - yes the guard / virgin employee should have told her. My bad. I forget I just know about it and would sit and then pay the upgrade.

So YANBU to complain that he should have given you other options other than leave a train!

FWIW when 6mths all electric trains london - north cancelled only diesel running and kings x was chaos- virgin were excellent and told me what train would be announced next so I could go find a seat while empty. So they should be good with your complaint and treat it seriously.

JacquesHammer · 21/06/2018 11:18

If someone breaks their leg do they get to sit down if they did it falling down the stairs, but not skiing because that's a 'lifestyle choice'?

I can confirm that you don't get a free seat in First Class if you break your leg Grin

disahsterdahling · 21/06/2018 11:19

I don't think people should have to give up reserved seats either, but I imagine on a long distance Virgin train (they don't as far as I know do local trains) at least some of the seats would not be reserved, so the guard could find a seat for someone who needed it for whatever reason, pregnant, disabled, or otherwise.

And if the only seats are in first class, you tell the person to sit in first class. Free, if you've messed up the service so much that they missed the train they were meant to be on or could not get on it because it was so full.

Mind you to be fair at 5 months I could have easily sat on the floor.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/06/2018 11:19

OP didn’t ask to sit in first class- god so many of you are vile towards pregnant women!

minipie · 21/06/2018 11:21

Staff should have been more helpful (especially given their company's online statements about helping)

But... did you ask anyone to let you sit down...? people are often careful about proactively offering in case you're not pregnant just large... but if you ask I would have hoped someone would let you sit, even in a non priori seat.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/06/2018 11:21

Whatshallidonowpeople yet another poster who can’t read...she never requested to sit in first class, she needed a seat!

JacquesHammer · 21/06/2018 11:22

But... did you ask anyone to let you sit down...? people are often careful about proactively offering in case you're not pregnant just large... but if you ask I would have hoped someone would let you sit, even in a non priori seat

I think this is a really important point actually. If you need a seat, then I am very much of the opinion that you ask people.

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