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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Virgin Trains. Pregnant. No seats.

262 replies

MindTheGap6 · 21/06/2018 09:09

Starting a whole new thread on this one!

Missed my train this morning due to delays. Got on the next train to London. Virgin train. No seats, 5 months pregnant, painful joints, very unsteady and uncomfortable. All seats booked apart from first class. Found conductor to see if he could find me a seat as I'm pregnant and unsteady. Was told no to sitting in a practically empty first class, and that I should get off the train and get a less busy one if I want a seat. Three members of staff currently on duty sat in first class (fine, but would've expected them to at least help me find a seat). Wasn't told about priority seats. Had to wait until a very kind woman spotted me and loudly said that she couldn't believe nobody allowed me to sit and that people should be ashamed (this is after I nearly fell over trying to pull my terribly uncomfortable maternity jeans up!). Originally had a seat booked but connection was delayed so missed it (whole other story!). Feeling frustrated and stupid.

AIBU to think that this is pretty poor form? Or do I need to suck it up and get on with it as 'being pregnant isn't an illness' as I've heard many times before on MN (prepared for that)

OP posts:

Eliza9917 · 21/06/2018 09:59

elephantscanring Thu 21-Jun-18 09:32:43
So 'unsteady and uncomfortable' at 5 months that you almost fall over pulling your jeans up? hmm

You have four more months to go!!

You sound a little entitled, OP.

Pretty much this. Those long journey trains glide beautifully, compared to normal trains.

MargaretCavendish · 21/06/2018 09:59

Thing is, its not really anyone else's problem that you are pregnant - your body, your choice. They booked their seats and shouldn't have to move based on your life choices. Same goes for the conductors - their job isn't to spend the entire journey looking for a seat for you based on your life choices.

What a twatty thing to say. I really dislike some aspects of the 'pregnant women are all delicate snowflakes' attitude you sometimes see (I particularly hate the idea that it's worse to upset a pregnant woman than anyone else, or that pregnant women can be horrible and irrational without blame because of 'hormones'), but when it comes to physical issues then it's not a 'lifestyle choice', it's a physical fact OP can't change. If someone breaks their leg do they get to sit down if they did it falling down the stairs, but not skiing because that's a 'lifestyle choice'? Having a baby is a lifestyle choice, but being ill in pregnancy isn't - it's random bad luck, just like most other illnesses.

shinycat · 21/06/2018 10:02

@Mindthegap6

YANBU. If there were seats in first class, then it wouldn't have hurt him to have let you pop your bum down there.

'Being pregnant isn't an illness' really boils my piss.' For some women, it's one of the most uncomfortable, miserable, sometimes painful, awkward times of their life. From baby squeezing your internal organs (squished bladder anyone; just had a wee 5 minutes ago, I now need another one!) to just feeling 'bleh' and miserable and hot and dreadful!

I know some may disagree, but I think a pregnant woman needs extra care and fuss, and I would have given up my seat for you in a heartbeat, and stood up. I am not saying people who wouldn't do that are bad people, or that I am better than them, (and I'm not virtue-signalling,) I am just stating a fact; that I would have given you my seat.

I suppose you could have offered a tenner (or £15 can't remember) to upgrade to first class. Did you know about this, did he offer, maybe you couldn't afford it, I dunno, but yeah he was being a jobsworth and I am sorry you were treated this way.

Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well, and congratulations! Hope you don't encounter many more twats along the way.

You could complain about him, (and maybe do try,) but I doubt anything will be done, especially as I don't think he actually did anything wrong! He was rude though

Reading through this thread, it sounds like a few people with the same arsey grumpy attitude as that conductor are on here. 'You are ONLY pregnant not ill or disabled,' 'I don't wanna sit near pregnant women and their ghastly toddlers when I have paid for first class,' 'you are ONLY so many months pregnant,' 'you sound entitled.' Just bore off. People like you make me sick.

All the best OP.

lissie123 · 21/06/2018 10:02

I’m not sure there are so many unpleasant comments on this thread. The lack of empathy is astounding.

NotTakenUsername · 21/06/2018 10:02

And justifying denying a pregnant woman a bit of assistance 'because it's her life choice' makes you sound like a psychopath btw

Now, now.

shinycat · 21/06/2018 10:04

I agree with you @MargaretCavendish, there are some downright mean, ugly, spiteful remarks on this thread about pregnant women, and about the OP.

Shame on them. Disgusting attitude.

Frosty66612 · 21/06/2018 10:06

@shinycat I also agree. There are some vile people who post on MN sometimes

OliviaStabler · 21/06/2018 10:09

There are plenty of people who have First Class tickets that allow them to travel at anytime. Just because a seat is empty at one point, does not mean than an influx of First Class paying passengers will not occur further down the line in that journey, especially on a busy commuter train as it nears London.

I also suspect that he gets a lot of people trying to sit in First Class without paying. I saw two chancers have a go at doing it on a recent journey so maybe you caught him on a bad morning.

letsallhaveanap · 21/06/2018 10:09

what kind of people think their first class journey is ruined by a pregnant woman or disabled person being sat in first class for free?? youd have to be utterly unhinged....
Ive paid extra to be in first class before with my family as a treat.... it was lovely... it wouldnt have been any less lovely if a person who found it difficult to stand had been sat there for free as there had been no where else for them to sit...
And im not made of money or anything it took me while to save the money for that first class ticket... but I would NEVER in a million years begrudge someone who found it difficult to stand being sat in there too for free as there was no where else to sit.
I honestly dont know what some people are about on this thread!

Lndnmummy · 21/06/2018 10:10

I’m 9 mnths pregnant and stand up on my london commute every single day.

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 21/06/2018 10:10

Ok so meet them half way and either a) book a seat or b) get one of those mums to be cards.

Eliza9917 · 21/06/2018 10:12

If your previous train was delayed, you would have been at the station/platform before the others how were booked on that train I assume, so you should have spoken to the staff on the platform and had them escort you on the train as one of the first to get on, then you'd have got a seat. How did you end up getting on last? Not EVERY seat on the train would have been booked.

catinasplashofsunshine · 21/06/2018 10:14

This

duchess she did book a seat but her connecting train was delayed.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/06/2018 10:14

Lndnmummy lucky you sounds like an easy pregnancy

LittleLionMansMummy · 21/06/2018 10:15

How did you end up getting on last? Not EVERY seat on the train would have been booked

The rush hour Virgin service into London covers the length of the country. Often there are no seats if you get on closer to London as they've all been booked and it's a busy service.

MargaretCavendish · 21/06/2018 10:16

I’m 9 mnths pregnant and stand up on my london commute every single day.

I could stand pretty easily too until a few weeks ago (around 32 weeks), when I started getting bad pelvic pain. I also had very few problems with nausea and sickness. Aren't we lucky? Shouldn't we feel blessed to be having easier pregnancies, rather than sniping at other women who are finding it much tougher?

LittleLionMansMummy · 21/06/2018 10:16

I’m 9 mnths pregnant and stand up on my london commute every single day.

Well, I don't think you should have to.

These race to the bottom type comments really irk me.

waterrat · 21/06/2018 10:18

wow - the world is full of absolute cunts

jesus wept - they wanted you to get OFF the train - despite already being in discomfort - having paid a fortune for your ticket - and then wait - rather than let you sit on an EMPTY SEAT

Honestly it is easy to see how facism arises that anyone on mumsnet would just go along with this utter shite.

NotTakenUsername · 21/06/2018 10:18

I’m 9 mnths pregnant and stand up on my london commute every single day.

How is this comment anything other than a factual statement about her personal experience? So many people ready to take offence!

Frosty66612 · 21/06/2018 10:18

My friend had chronic hypermesis for the first 5 months of her pregnancy. And I also have another friend who is currently pregnant who has had zero nausea or sickness. Every pregnancy is different and we shouldn’t just assume that every pregnant woman is completely fit and capable of standing for long periods of time

Lndnmummy · 21/06/2018 10:18

OP, if you struggle so badly you might have to reconsider how you can manage work during this time. If a small thing like a train delay sets you off like this it suggests to me that your current arrangements are not really feasible. Your employer is dutybound to rearrange your commitments if there are things you struggle with such as travelling. You are only 5 mnths, you have the toughest bit by far to come yet and I think it would be wise to try and work out how you are going to manage this going forward.
I’m 38 weeks and doing my last day at work today. I never get a seat on the train and it has been hellish in the heat (on crutches for spd). At the same time though, this is life and if I can’t cope on the train it means I can’t work. I can’t really expect anyone else to change that for me.

waterrat · 21/06/2018 10:19

I hve paid extra for first class before - I would seriously question my sanity if I was bothered by a pregnant/ disabled person being given a seat near me because there were no other seats.

Honestly can't get over this thread it seriously depresses me. Imagine being the member of staff looking at an uncomfortable pregnant woman and saying no you can't sit in an empty seat get off the train.

waterrat · 21/06/2018 10:20

Lndnmummy no need for a race to the bottom - there were actual empty seats the OP was asking for.

She can cope with work if utter twats went mildly out of her way to help her on her journey

SarfE4sticated · 21/06/2018 10:21

shinycat has written what I was going to say - thanks!

Pregnant women should be looked after (if they want it), not just because it's good to look after people who need it, but also because it's good for the developing foetus to have a rested and relaxed mum.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/06/2018 10:21

Lndnmummy you really are utterly patronising! OP doesn’t have to rethink her job or location, some people just need to engage their brain and be more considerate.

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