AIBU to be planning on leaving my Dh without him knowing

[InNeedO]

hi all name change for this one. marryied 4.5 year with 2 DC. Ds is 2 on 3rd July - i plan to leave Dh just after this. the reason i am waiting is so he can have one last birthday with him as a 'happy family' and it will also give me a bit of time to get some money together
dh has no clue at all i am planning this, i am leaving due to a long build up of moments. he is always miserable when he is with me and its got me fed up 24/7. he is happy with everyoneelse just when he is home he wants to do anything but spend time with me, hasnt said i love you in about 8 months, only had sex about 5 times in that period, im constantly walking on egg shells, feel so down and alone - dont know if im over reacting? i love him to pieces, but really dislike him at the same time. i know it will kill me for a few months but i know in the long run i will be happier. i have a fear i will back out of this aibu to get up and leave with him children without warning?

Can’t you talk to him?

Yanbu OP.

He wont change. You're entitled to do what your want with your future and your children's. You don't have to stay with him because of them.

Actually imagine if you woke up tomorrow and your DH had packed his stuff and the kids stuff and said he was leaving you and taking the kids with him. What would you do? Say "OK then" or would you go fucking ballistic? You know he isn't just going to be fine with it.

I can't actually get my head around this.

Please explain more. Maybe we can help you more.

Part of a relationship is about being honest and talking about how you feel.

My sister’s DH did this to her. No kids thankfully though. He never gave DSis a chance to fight for her marriage. Just left. It was a bolt from the blue.

I’m sorry you’re unhappy but, saving a massive drip feed, I think it is unfair and unreasonable to leave a spouse in this way.

I dont understand why if youre unhappy you wouldnt talk to your partner in this situation. Why on earth would you just leave without communicating?

Of course OP is entitled to leave RomeoBunny. But equally, and based on what has been described in OP's post, her DH is entitled to have the opportunity to try to repair his marriage and at the very least an understanding of why his family is being split up (presumably) against his wishes and without his knowledge.
Obviously, if there is violence or bullying or any other abuse involved, I might take a different opinion.

ok so i have dd who is 3 and ds who is 2 ive asked him about 20 times to talk about it he just keeps saying hes not having this conversation. he has been abusive before not in about a year, he is still controlling but not as much as he used to be. my children dont go to nursery yet i dont really have no money set a side yet, ill be going to stay with parents 120 mile away to get sorted. i am 21 i got married at 16 very rushed marriage but thought it was the best when doing it, upped and left my family to move 120 miles away. sorry if i never answered all your questions

Romeobunny I find your He wont change. You're entitled to do what your want with your future and your children's view very odd and smacks off just giving up, the OP hasnt mentioned abuse of any description so Im not sure what you mean by he wont change?

I think you need to give this a little more investment. Sounds very sudden unless there is a backstory that hasn't been mentioned yet.

Everyone has ups and downs and go through fallow/difficult periods like you described. Is your husband ok in his physical and mental health for example, has he been violent towards you and so on.

Why not have your ducks in a row ready to run, but talk first. Please, you owe each other that.

There must be more to this. But wish you well. Do think it through a bit more and give husband a right to reply first.

everytime i have asked him to sort this out he says im going asleep or i just dont want this conversation even tried texting him when he was at work and he said hell talk when hes home of corse when he got home he wasnt having it

120 miles?!

he has been abusive before not in about a year,

That might have been handy to put in your first post...

You say you married him when you were 16. How old was your DH?

Op
I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s done some preparing himself

How old is he? What is the age gap - you are quite young.

On the basis that you've said he was previously abusive and is still very controlling, YANBU. Good for you for having the courage to get you and your dc away and safe.

im not going to run out the door when he is at work, im going to plan it all then when it comes to the day tell him then, i am 99% sure he wont want to talk still then thinking ill come running back after a week

im 21& he is 24

Op please be mature...

im sorry i never included it at first - i didnt want to get negative comments on how i should have left then or before i had my children - i already k ow this at the time thought things would change and hed be the prince i thought i married

Yabu! You have children who will be heartbroken. Try to work it out. Counselling?
This is not ok OP. Even without the children you'd be a coward to end your marriage like that.

Be careful op, if he has a history of abuse, if you tell him you're leaving is there a risk of things turning nasty? Other posters have a lot more experience and expertise than me on this - maybe try posting in relationships, you'll get some great advice there.

Apologies I didn't read the last post sorry

Sorry I didn't see your update. Fair enough...
I totally understand your point of view now.