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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how normal it is for kids to share rooms these days?

139 replies

ChickenOrEgg6 · 19/06/2018 12:34

Inspired by a post I saw earlier (different forum) about how kids dont really share rooms these days, it's not the 70's, kids shouldn't have to share unless there's no possible way at all to move...
I have 2 DD's, one isn't yet 1 and is in a cot in my room but will be sharing with the eldest when she moves into a bed (I only have a 2 bed house) Aibu to wonder how normal it is for kids to share these days? Is there a reason some people are so militant about kids having their own rooms?

OP posts:
UrgentScurryfunge · 19/06/2018 13:31

Mine share. 2 DCs. 4 bedrooms. Long term they will probably separate, but they like eachothers company at present. We'll also finally sort out the master room at some point (was kind of half built in an extension by previous owners) and that will make space better allocated upstairs anyway as room 4 is an overflow wardrobe as the current master room is too small for two people's things.

I know a few people who share by choice.

upsideup · 19/06/2018 13:31

4 DC, they often end up sleeping in each others room or having a big sleepover in the playroom but they do and will all need their own space and privacy. If you lucky to end up with chidlren on the same sex who have similar personalities and get on wonderfully then great but its not fair too force 2 children maybe of different sexes, different personalities or who really dont get on to share. I know I wouldnt have struggeled or been as ill as I was in my teens and 20s if I wasnt forced to share with my sisters, I could never subject my children to that.

BarbarianMum · 19/06/2018 13:34

Mine shared until they were 10 and 8. Not because we didn't have an extra bedroom but because they didn't mind and it was easier.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 19/06/2018 13:39

Richer kids don't share
bullocks. I'm well off and in London. My DC (8, 10) share a room. One is talking about moving into his own room when he's a teenager but that's still a ways off. We have 3 spare rooms. (Ridiculous I know.)

In their state school I know a quite a few other kids from well off families who share even when there is another room available as the parents want to keep a spare room or office available.

On the other hand, there does seem to be a rash of loft extensions happening so I image those with the choice will give their kids their own rooms when they are teens.

AttilaTheMusical · 19/06/2018 13:40

It's absolutely normal to share.

If you have more kids than you do bedrooms, then somebody is going to have to share aren't they? Millions of people can't afford (or don't want) to move up to a bigger house.

Bythebeach · 19/06/2018 13:44

Well my older two shared in our 5 bed house for 5 years from the age of 6 & 3 to 11 & 8 (and in teeny house prior to that). They liked it, we thought it was good for them. Eldest got own room at age 11, then 8 and 4 year old shared for a year but they didn’t get on at all so now at 13, 10 & 5 they all have their own room. I don’t think anyone needs their own room in primary years if they are similar age, neurotypical siblings. If a massive age gap or extra needs, own rooms can definitely be very desirable! If we have a lot of visitors though, 13 year old still bunks in with 10 year old and enjoys sharing. And on holiday, all 3 share.....to me it’s part of being a family...

letsallhaveanap · 19/06/2018 13:44

Im militant about it for my own benefit more than theirs lol!! Im sure children love to share rooms when young... everyone I knew at school loved sharing a room if they did (pre teen not after, then it falls out of favour somewhat!)
But I just dont want mine waking each other up or messing about for ages when supposed to be sleeping!! So its selfish reasons really!

AjasLipstick · 19/06/2018 13:45

CharityHallet I think it's fine for children of opposite sex to share. But once the eldest reaches puberty then it has to change. It's not on after that point ....they need privacy.

BevBrook · 19/06/2018 13:46

My ten year old and eight year old share a room - bunk beds. There are other rooms available, but one is the attic bedroom and doesn’t have heating, and the other is the box room so much smaller than the room they are presently in. I have asked them several times if they want to have their own rooms, as that was very important to me as a child (my poor sisters had to share though) but they don’t like sleeping alone. Also, if they did, neither wants the attic, fair enough, and both want the tiny room weirdly.

MsJinglyJones · 19/06/2018 13:47

Doesn't it depend a lot on the kids? Mine are boy and girl and both like their own space and solitude. I've prioritised them having their own rooms, but it would be a lot less important if they were the same sex, or preferred sharing.

I suppose I'm "militant" about them having their own rooms because solitude is also massively important to me and I empathise.

Still if it wasn't financially possible we'd have to lump it.

Sundance65 · 19/06/2018 13:47

Social housing allocations assume children of different sex can share until 10 and if the same sex can share until adults. So allocate properties along these lines.

Benefits work on same principle so if two boys in 3 bed house you get hit by the bedroom tax.

whatsagoodusername · 19/06/2018 13:53

We have four bedrooms and my two DC share a room.

We started off in a two-bed house, so they shared as babies. When we moved, they were used to it and so continued. When they want separate rooms, they can have it and lose their playroom. I don't think it has occurred to them that they could not share.

sulkytitch · 19/06/2018 13:54

My boys choose to share also, we had 2 small rooms but as they wanted to share we knocked through and made a slightly bigger room. They love it 👍🏼

MrsKoala · 19/06/2018 13:56

My boys (5 & 3) have requested to share a room and get bunk beds this summer hols. However, I am expecting them to just be arsing around all night. So we may review it after a few weeks when school starts again. But i do hope it works out as they love being together - when they aren't fighting! We are getting one of those double on the bottom single on the top bunk beds so we can stay in there if anyone is unwell etc.

EvilMorty · 19/06/2018 13:56

We gave them the choice, they picked to share. When they stop wanting to share we can work that out.

Bringonspring · 19/06/2018 13:57

Oh my goodness that ‘against the law’ point is ridiculous. I believe people get confused with when the local authority will recognise different sexes as needing a different room if on the go sing list. It’s something like once they reach 8 they recognise the need for different rooms.

dupainduvin · 19/06/2018 13:58

we live in a city centre, lots of kids sharing at the DCs' schools, and none of them anything but privileged. Borders share

HidingInTheBathroom · 19/06/2018 14:00

I am very fortunate that my kids all have there own room. However my 8 year has probably slept in her own room three times in the last two years. She like to sleep in my 3 year olds room with her getting in the same bed.

So much so my DH has now made beds to fit into my three year old room so they can use the room together.

If my girls are happy so am I.

BeyondThePage · 19/06/2018 14:00

My girls are 15 and 17 - they share. They prefer to share a big room rather than one have the big room and the other the little "spare" room - (which they also share) as a study/music/chill room.

They only sleep/keep belongings in their bedroom.

EvilMorty · 19/06/2018 14:01

PopGoesTheWeaz agreed, everyone in London seems to be having a loft extension at the moment. We will consider it but it just doesn’t pay for itself on resale now, and we need the loft space for our junk precious things.

BlueSapp · 19/06/2018 14:02

mine all share, we have a 4 bedroom, 2 dcs in each room, however most morning end up with an empty room as they have sleeps overs in the other rooms because they want to actually spend time together

Zaphodsotherhead · 19/06/2018 14:03

We are hoping to have an option for them to have desperate rooms by the time they are getting towards their teens.

LOL. 'Desperate rooms' was about right when my lot turned teenaged!

Started out three girls sharing and the two boys sharing, but age gaps meant that older boy went to bed later and woke his younger brother (none of them good sleepers). We had four bedrooms, so three occupied and one spare. Moved youngest girl into spare room, her sisters (less than two years between them) carried on sharing, and eldest boy moved downstairs - we converted the utility room into his bedroom.

The worst of the fights came when they were all teenagers. The day eldest boy moved out, middle sister moved all her things down into his room, and it was only them all having their own space that stopped the arguing!

Rhinosaur · 19/06/2018 14:04

My DD 4 & DS 3 share a room - the other bedroom is the playroom currently. They enjoy sharing and it’s cute listening to them play together in the morning before they get us out of bed.
When one decides they don’t want to share anymore we will move one into the other room.

NomNomNomNom · 19/06/2018 14:05

I think it really depends on the DC. I would have hated it and I doubt we'd have both survived into adulthood. Two of my cousins however started off sharing through necessity then voluntarily carried on when their older siblings moved out.

Oysterbabe · 19/06/2018 14:05

My 2 don't share. They're opposite sexes and they'd just wake eachother up.
Obviously the larger the family the more likely that sharing will be necessary. Growing up I shared with my sister and my brothers shared until we all gradually moved out. My next door neighbour has 4 kids and 3 bedrooms so obviously they have to share.