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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you say to family/friends who are right wing?

213 replies

ChocolateRaisin09 · 19/06/2018 11:47

It gets me down. I don't feel like I can discuss with my parents, in laws etc because I get too emotional, and they get defensive, but when I hear them say things like "Trump is what we need", and some frankly racist comments, I feel so helpless. They're not going to change. But I want to challenge them. It's no excuse that they're from another generation, there ARE older people who are not racist!

I wish I could stop them reading the Daily Fail (have wondered about gifting a subscription to a different paper) and broaden their minds somehow.

I am still so bitter that my parents, my in laws and people I work closely with all voted for Brexit. How do I stop hating them all?!

Sorry, bit of a rant. Wish I could let it wash over me, but honestly I don't want to be around these people sometimes and would consider limiting my daughter's time with them.

OP posts:
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eightfacesofthemoon · 19/06/2018 12:42

Yes thanks! I don’t think I’ve written anything to give others concern I am not ok. You on the other hand...

pennylulu · 19/06/2018 12:42

What the actual fuck. This thread PMSL!

AbsolutelyBeginning · 19/06/2018 12:43

I am still so bitter that my parents, my in laws and people I work closely with all voted for Brexit. How do I stop hating them all?!

If you really believe in democracy, you're going to have to get over it. Hating someone for exercising their right to vote as they see fit is ridiculous.

Surely you can talk about something else when you see them? If they love you and are kind to you in other ways, let them have their political opinions.

You never know - your daughter may vote Tory herself one day! Kids have a habit of not turning out into mini versions of their parents Grin

Bibesia · 19/06/2018 12:43

People are entitled to their own opinions, you just have to agree to disagree sometimes

And others are entitled to challenge them, particularly when they are racist. With my mother, I challenge every time - not aggressively, but assertively. I also regularly remind her that much of what she reads in the Mail is fiction. Her normal response to that is simply to change the subject so who knows if it goes in, but I hope that some of it will.

pennylulu · 19/06/2018 12:43

Thanks so much for your kind concern @eightfaces hun. I am fine. Aren't you a poppet to be concerned about me. Bless......

pennylulu · 19/06/2018 12:44

LOL at the irony of the OP bitching about people being horrible and then calling her own FAMILY thick!

Anyone who cannot see what is wrong with this is as bad her the OP.

DiegoMadonna · 19/06/2018 12:45

People like that don't care about the facts. I would just roll my eyes and ignore them. Don't talk politics with them. No point. Save your breath.

Racecardriver · 19/06/2018 12:46

But a lot of the things that you say your family say are not actually right wing. Trump for example isn't exactly a shining beacon of free trade is he? People are probably just irritated by your self righteous pigeon holing (your family included). God knows some of them probably play it up just to wind you up.

If you genuinely want to set an example to your daughter show her how to have an intelligent, rational argument rather than an emotive one (if you can even call that argument, I would call it an outburst). If you want a pat on the back foraintainibf the correct political allegiance I'm the face of your horrid right wing relations then go back to university.

AbsolutelyBeginning · 19/06/2018 12:47

I'm talking specifically about my family who are not very bright, and read the DM and voted Brexit for racist reasons. So they are definitely racist, definitely read the DM and voted Brexit

In spite of all this, they managed to produce tolerant, liberal, live-and-let-live, permissive YOU!

Or did they? Grin

Can't you see that being narrow-minded, HATING people for voting a certain way, browbeating them into thinking like you is just the other side of the same coin?!

eyycarumba · 19/06/2018 12:47

I have a family member who is EDL and I've had to block him after seeing one too many 'free Tommy Robinson'/racist posts. I'm actively avoiding them too so I don't have any provocation to tell him what a bellend he is. On the other hand, I have another who is obnoxiously left wing, the only redeeming feature whilst they ram their agenda down your throat it's intelligent - but they're both equally pigheaded.

I was always brought up to not discuss politic alignments, but everyone now almost brags about it. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, they're not entitled to insult you for not having the same one.

Baubletrouble43 · 19/06/2018 12:47

My beloved dad is a Tory who voted for brexit. The best thing to do is to ask for their thinking behind it, listen to the answer and try to understand. I don't agree with my dad's politics but I do understand his motivation though I disagree. He isn't a racist though .... That would be intolerable. I would cut racists out of my life entirely.

pennylulu · 19/06/2018 12:47

@mumto2two

I’m sorry but you’re not making sense. What has anyone voting to leave the EU got to do with racism? I narrowly voted remain, due to a myriad of conflicting thoughts and uncertainties at the time, but am wholly in support of leaving now. The EU model is highly flawed, and completely unworkable for our country. And yes immigration is a huge issue too. It’s undeniably obvious. And trust me, I have seen the changes over time that you are probably far too young to ever appreciate. Does that make me racist??? Not sure what you are implying here...

Good to hear. Some people do see the light eventually. Smile

As I said, the OP is clearly very young. She'll learn! Smile

topcat1980 · 19/06/2018 12:48

"What has anyone voting to leave the EU got to do with racism? "

Go listen to SOME of the reasons given for voting leave?

StableGenius · 19/06/2018 12:48

My dad was right wing but highly intelligent. Annoyingly incapable of conceding any points in debate, though, so I just gave up and got my revenge by working at the Grauniad Grin.

My mum was a Telegraph reader and voted for Brexit, but was much more socially liberal and a bit of a 'Worcester woman' swing voter - we agreed on many issues e.g. education, the NHS. She didn't vote Brexit for racist reasons but because she thought the EU needed reform.

I have various more distant relatives who will say 'it's all down to the immigrants'. When this happens I'll throw a few counter-argument spanners into the works, but we keep it respectful and it never descends into fightiness. I think I probably have an unusually good-tempered family, though, judging by what I read on mn.

Original poster
ChocolateRaisin09 · 19/06/2018 12:48

If all those things sit fine with you then I'd be worried. If you read the Daily Mail you ARE thick. They literally have retractions the day after every "paper".

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/06/2018 12:49

Agree with you sounding very narrow minded OP.

How did these awful people produce such a paragon of virtue.

BMW6 · 19/06/2018 12:49

The worst racists I know (calling black people n***s, paki, etc etc) are die-hard Labour supporters. Well I should say knew, as I cut them out of my life for this very reason.

LeighaJ · 19/06/2018 12:49

ChocolateRaisin09

I don't think you actually want to know what we say to people with different opinions then our own IRL. It sounds like you just want to have a moan about people you're too scared to stand up to IRL.

Why don't you actually challenge the racist things they say every time, instead of just whinging about it on MN?

Also, not all right-wing people are racist like your family is. Nor are all people who have family and friends with different opinions driven to feeling hatred for them.

sunshinesupermum · 19/06/2018 12:49

I've given up the argument with friends who are right wing - most won't even admit it.

Original poster
ChocolateRaisin09 · 19/06/2018 12:50

That was at penny by the way, the old bag.

OP posts:
Kelwar · 19/06/2018 12:50

Mumto2two So is it right to turn our backs on people who are really suffering? You may not be racist but inhumane..
...and how is the EU not working for our country? It has for years...
My mother has a similar outlook to you and she voted to leave, although she has enjoyed living in France and Spain for the last 8 years.. how thick is she?
Are you seriously suggesting that some people who voted to leave the EU didn't do it for racist reasons??? Really??

Original poster
ChocolateRaisin09 · 19/06/2018 12:51

Thanks for the constructive advice!

OP posts:
BMW6 · 19/06/2018 12:51

Um OP how do you know the Daily Fail has daily retractions if you don't read the fecking thing? Hmm

Tallyhooo · 19/06/2018 12:51

In OP's defense I can see a point - but I think its better put in 'how can I tell my family to refrain from expressing their particular views I don't agree with infront of my DC' - In that case I can relate - I tell them just that -

As for 'changing' their views, or other peoples, you really can't - you can use it as a good education tool though -

XJerseyGirlX · 19/06/2018 12:52

Myself and my partner both voted differently (Brexit and remain) funnily enough both of us are grown ups and respect each others political views. OP, you sound like a really horrible person that doesn't have any respect for other peoples opinions. As another pp has stated... you are not right and they are not wrong.. people voted for different / personal reasons (the magic of democracy hey?) try getting on board, maybe open your mind a bit to how different things are important to different people. You will find you will grow as a person if you do this.