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Original poster

How the hell are you meant to "qualify" for sterilisation?!

143 replies

MsFrizzle · 18/06/2018 16:44

I'm in my 20s. Never had a child and I don't want one - I don't have the energy. I'm disabled and I have endometriosis so I'm likely unable to have children but the risk is still very much there (not everybody with endo is infertile and my doctor who diagnosed me said that it's not the end of the world and may be possible even as an accident). I went today to discuss my issues and that I'd like a saplingectomy and that I've thoroughly considered my options and the future. I was told I wouldn't be considered unless I was above 40 (which seems odd as pregnancy can begin to become difficult after 40-45 from what I've heard) or if I already had a child. I was also told to consider my future partners!

The point is I can't handle a child, physically (disabilities) or mentally (depression, suicidal tendencies and GAD), and while I'm pro-choice I don't desire an abortion! Has anybody navigated this before? Second opinions are difficult as there's very few doctors in the area I live in.

I've had a pregnancy scare before and I'd not like to go through it again.

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 18/06/2018 16:46

No advice, but I think it's disgusting women aren't trusted to know their own minds.

NotARegularPenguin · 18/06/2018 16:49

With great difficulty.

Due to cost cutting it’s increadingly hard. You’d generally be expected to try long term contraception such as the implant or a coil first.

Original poster
MsFrizzle · 18/06/2018 16:49

It is incredibly frustrating. I've heard that men go through similar when asking for a vasectomy, but I feel like the tone is much more condescending with women because our "biological clock" is BOUND to catch up.

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 18/06/2018 16:50

My sister was 33 and a mother of 4 when she went to the GP about sterilisation. She was refused on the basis that "She might change her mind"

Well....she didnt.

Original poster
MsFrizzle · 18/06/2018 16:50

Yeah. Unfortunately the implant isn't suitable for me because of the hormones and I refuse the coil after so many horror stories about it, some in my friend circle!

OP posts:
Butterflykissess · 18/06/2018 16:51

im in my 20s for 4. the midwife with my last actually suggested i get sterilised!

JacquesHammer · 18/06/2018 16:52

How the hell are you meant to "qualify" for sterilisation?!

According to my PCT have a penis, or have a partner who has a penis.

Vive le patriarchy

It sucks OP Flowers

catinasplashofsunshine · 18/06/2018 16:53

Say you identify as a man.

Branleuse · 18/06/2018 16:55

they always try to put you off. I was told "well what if your children all die? "

I answered "do you mean before or after I jumped off a cliff" You cant just replace them!

I eventually got taken seriously when i said that all my children have disabilities. Ive had 2 breakdowns already and i would rather die than have another baby.

They still tried to get me to have the mirena, but i didnt want it. I insisted on being sterilised

DonkeyPunch88 · 18/06/2018 16:55

I'll be 30 this year, I have 4 children.

I had to see 3 separate consultants as the first two (both male which I think in this case did make a difference) refused on the basis 'my husband might be disappointed in me'. I let him know what I thought of him for that comment.

I then got my GP to find me a female consultant who I saw and she looked at my notes, explained the risks and then said ultimately it's my body and my choice but if I ever changed my mind I'd have to pay for the reverse. I'm booked for it to be done in September Smile

Osirus · 18/06/2018 16:56

My friend was sterilised at 37, she had no children and didn’t want any. She just asked for it and had no issues. This was about 5 years ago though.

I guess you just keep asking?

HelenaDove · 18/06/2018 16:57

Im childfree by choice and i couldnt get it in my twenties or early thirties either. Im 45 now and still dont want to be a parent.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 18/06/2018 16:57

No one is saying you don't know your own mind, just that nhs isn't going to fund it. Pay for it privately.

JacquesHammer · 18/06/2018 16:58

No one is saying you don't know your own mind

My PCT literally said that to me. When they found out I was single “what if you meet a new partner and they want a child”

🙄

laptopdisaster · 18/06/2018 16:58

It's hugely expensive with a high failure rate. There are almost no people who can't tolerate any other form of contraception and it's reasonable for a taxpayer funded service to ration this. Try the mirena. Ignore the horror stories.

SardineReturns · 18/06/2018 17:01

lol yes women are exactly being told they don't know their own minds!

the push of long term hormonal contraception on all and sundry (women and girls all and sundry only obviously) is a real worry

QuietNinjaTardis · 18/06/2018 17:01

I was sterilised at 33. I’ve got 2 kids and had really bad sickness/spd/carpal tunnel syndrome with first and hyperemesis and spd with the second. I never want to be pregnant again. I don’t want to have to choose between being so ill I wanted to die and a termination.
Luckily after trying to persuade me to go with hormonal contraception they got the message and I’ve had the op. This was several years ago now so don’t know if it’s chamged? Maybe it varies by area as well. It should be the woman’s choice though.

SardineReturns · 18/06/2018 17:03

"Ignore the horror stories"

Or

"Ignore the testimony of large numbers of women who have had very real problems with this or other forms of hormonal contraception"

Of course women's experiences are never taken as evidence of anything until about a billionty years after they should have been

Look at vaginal mesh
Look at the recent study about mental health issues and hormonal contracpetion (and I don't think any guidelines have been changed off the back of that happy to be updated if they have)

Original poster
MsFrizzle · 18/06/2018 17:08

I'm not using the mirena (hormonal) or the copper coil. Do I not have a right to not being happy with the risks in my own body? No, I don't plan on using my uterus but I'm in enough abdominal pain as it is without it being punctured by a bit of metal!

OP posts:
Original poster
MsFrizzle · 18/06/2018 17:11

Pay for it privately.

With what money?

I'm broke. Another reason I don't want kids is I can't afford them. Disabled. Can't work.

OP posts:
Postymalone · 18/06/2018 17:13

If you aren’t happy with the current generous many options of free contraception available on the nhs- find the money to go private.

JacquesHammer · 18/06/2018 17:14

If you aren’t happy with the current generous many options of free contraception available on the nhs- find the money to go private

I need sterilisation for a medical issue and not contraception. I’m infertile. And yet I’m still being denied because “I might change my mind”.

The disparity in provision for female health is abhorrent

Original poster
MsFrizzle · 18/06/2018 17:14

What are the 'many options' that aren't hormonal? I've already mentioned that hormonal isn't an option for me - I get very sick to the point of daily vomiting, dizziness and it makes my depression even worse than it already is.

I've had 2 friends have to have their coils surgically removed.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 18/06/2018 17:15

Mirena had side effects for me. I didnt get on with it. Didnt want a copper one anymore either. I had various coils for years. I wanted an end to it. We could always feel them during sex. Copper coil made me smell funny. Mirena made me gain 2 stone (which fell off after removal)
I wanted to be sterile. I wanted that part of my life over with. I wanted to not have to think about contraception anymore. Ive never regretted it

Postymalone · 18/06/2018 17:15

Are condoms and spermicide beyond you?