How the hell are you meant to "qualify" for sterilisation?!

[MsFrizzle]

I'm in my 20s. Never had a child and I don't want one - I don't have the energy. I'm disabled and I have endometriosis so I'm likely unable to have children but the risk is still very much there (not everybody with endo is infertile and my doctor who diagnosed me said that it's not the end of the world and may be possible even as an accident). I went today to discuss my issues and that I'd like a saplingectomy and that I've thoroughly considered my options and the future. I was told I wouldn't be considered unless I was above 40 (which seems odd as pregnancy can begin to become difficult after 40-45 from what I've heard) or if I already had a child. I was also told to consider my future partners!

The point is I can't handle a child, physically (disabilities) or mentally (depression, suicidal tendencies and GAD), and while I'm pro-choice I don't desire an abortion! Has anybody navigated this before? Second opinions are difficult as there's very few doctors in the area I live in.

I've had a pregnancy scare before and I'd not like to go through it again.

Are condoms and spermicide beyond you

Nowhere near the rate of efficacy that is equivalent to sterilisation. I work in clinical trials and for many drugs you need to be on two methods of contraception to double up so as to reduce the chance of accidental pregnancy. Condoms plus spermicide would count as one and you’d need to have the other one as something more effective.

This is a difficult one ethically. Women should have autonomy over their own bodies vs the need to make sure that women are not coerced, regretful or suffering from another illness.

There are NOT enough safe, non painful long term contraceptive options. The two most effective long acting reversibles are the copper coil and mirena. Both can be painful to fit and have side effects. The implant is linked to osteoporosis. Essure was touted as another ‘efficient’ way but it’s now looking like it’s going to be the next medical scandal. All hormonal methods have risks. 

On the opposite side you have surgeons who are scared of being sued (which happens.) There are also risks that a young woman demanding this could be doing it as part of a deeper mental pathology - surgeons are very wary of operating on such patients. Hysterectomy also has physical risks. Hence the blanket ‘wait till you’ve had kids’
But of course that leaves many women unable to have an op that would greatly increase their quality of life.

What’s needed is far more SAFE (hell, any safe) methods of long acting contraception. We just don’t have enough good ones. And better guidelines on who to treat and when.

I absolutely agree with you, OP. You are quite capable of making the right decision for you.

I asked at 30 and was told no; asked again at 35, after trying just about every other form of contraception, and was given the green light by my GP and then by the gynaecologist without any problems. They do reiterate that it's irreversible etc but that's what I wanted!

I think you should keep asking periodically, OP. Show the how determined you are. Best of luck.

Another option assuming your periods are debilitating and heavy is to request an endometrial ablation since that’s a treatment in itself

That’s what I want. The “rules” are they I need to be able to guarantee I won’t get pregnant. They will only accept sterilisation now (or indeed a partner’s vasectomy) as sufficient

There are actually only two options. Hormonal, which for lots of women just totally screw you up or barrier.

Barrier methods are bloody shaky territory plus some women (and men) would just not have sex at all as not everybobdy likes the feeling. It’s not ideal for a long term relationship with spontaneous sex.

My hackles rise when I hear ‘contraception almost never fails if used correctly’. If I’m remembering rightly, the same person on another thread said, “people that say their contraception failed are lying.”

My unplanned DD is lying next to me after the depo shot. I’m afraid she may be damaged for life after receiving two doses of it in utero and the NHS had to fund life saving surgery for me as I had an adherent placenta, caused by thickening after the depo shot during pregnancy.

The long term cost of the baby, my surgery and any future problems she may have will far outstrip the cost of sterilisation. And the depo shot is supposed to be 98% effective

Boxsets i have no kids and have not been sterilised.

Didnt stop you having a go on another thread though.

Ive never seen a female poster who hates women as much as you do.

Teas I was on depo in my early thirties for five years. Took 9 /10 months for my periods to return after i stopped it. Im horrified by your experience.

HelenaDove thank you. It had quite the opposite effect on me. My ‘periods’ suddenly became very heavy. I was given tranexmaxic acid (wrong spelling) and told to bring the depo shot closer together, so every ten weeks instead of 12. I had taken them for 6 months prior to the bleeding, so two shots.

I was eventually sent for a scan as my abdomen suddenly distended. I was 20 weeks pregnant.

flisspaps that was the reason given. I argued that my medical history was there for him to see. But doctor was adamant that I was of child bearing age So I wasn’t allowed.

Dh actually went to the same doctor, (he didn’t know we were married.) 2 questions and he was referred immediately.

Bloody hell Teas i bled on and off for the first 3 months and then it stopped.

8miss #everydaysexism

I need sterilisation for a medical issue and not contraception. I’m infertile. And yet I’m still being denied because “I might change my mind”.

Jacques - just to clarify, you are infertile and you’re being told that you must be sterilised for medical reasons (eg unsafe to pregnant I assume?) but they’re also saying you might change your mind? So, they think you might want fertility treatment for example?

Is the medical reason something transient (eg you’re on a medication that means you must not get pregnant)?

I would make a complaint to the CCG. Either they say you need to be sterilised or you don’t.

Boxsets you never change do you? That is fucking awful.

8misskitty8 I am almost in tears, of sadness and of rage, reading your Heart breaking story.
BoxSetsandPopcorn what a vile, nasty and Victorian-era thing to say.

HelenaDove, that’s what I was hoping for! I supppose hormonal things affect everyone differently.

My DD could be harmed for life so it angers me when people just assume they are almost 100% effective. My consultsnt said, “you are not the first and you won’t be the last”.

It is Helenadove not much has changed in decades.

25 years ago my mum had to fight for a hysterectomy for 5 years. 5 years of bleeding heavily almost every day. Only getting a few days without each month. She was aneamic, on iron tablets, transfusions etc. Eventually They agreed but my dad had to give permission ! (Thankfully that bit has moved on)

If you are able to meet partners, partake in sexual activity then surely there are some jobs you could do to pay for it.

Do you work for the DWP? I expect “unable to have sex” will soon by added to the ESA / PIP criteria.

My surprise #3 is asleep on my lap having fallen pregnant with a Mirena fitted. Never happens eh

My surprise #3 is asleep on my lap having fallen pregnant with a Mirena fitted. Never happens eh

Nope, like me, according to the woman hater on here you are a feckless liar and if you fall on hard times you should go to the workhouse!

just to clarify, you are infertile and you’re being told that you must be sterilised for medical reasons (eg unsafe to pregnant I assume?) but they’re also saying you might change your mind? So, they think you might want fertility treatment for example?

In short yes. And fertility treatment that I won’t (quite rightly!) qualify for on the NHS as I have a child.

Is the medical reason something transient (eg you’re on a medication that means you must not get pregnant)?

I have fibroids. Basically the option left is ablation. However whilst it is not advised to get pregnant post ablation, it would be an ever greater issue for me due to the post m/c complications that caused my infertility.

I have two kids, both are due to contraception failure. One has disabilities and the other nearly died at birth due to a knot in the cord. Both pregnancies were horrific, and I definitely don't want another. My gp who's known me since birth has said as soon as I'm old enough on the CCG criteria for my area (need to be 26+) she will happily refer me. I don't get why that's not available across the board for many of my other fellow women!

Queenofhestress

cakeycakecake cheers to that.

Anyway, now I’ve got that out- I’ll actually reply with a considered response

If you are able to meet partners, partake in sexual activity then surely there are some jobs you could do to pay for it

I am going to put it real easy for you, in words that even a simpleton like you can understand. I have a chronic and mobility limiting disability which will worsen as I age. No question, I’ll end up wheelchair bound.

I don’t ‘meet sexual partners’, I have been in a relationship for a considerable period of time and yes, when my pain allows it, it is sexual.

‘then surely there are some jobs you could do to pay for it’
I have been told categorically by as many experts as you can shake your shit stick at that I will be unable to maintain a job given the specifics of my condition. So no, I won’t be able to fund it myself. I’m unable to support my children and I need help getting in and out of the fucking bath, so no, work isn’t an option for me.

Any more? Cause I’ll sit here and fucking wait for them. You disablist condescending little shit.

They do try to talk you out of it! I was told I might change my mind ... at 42 and pregnant with twins... dp and I having 6 dc between us.... I gave them a look ....

Combined pill, didn't miss one etc, DS is nearly 9 months old.

Mini pill, implant etc make me bleed constantly and affect my mood far more than combined. Not an option. Not willing to try the injection as it can't be removed if I react.

Allergic to spermicide and most lubricants. Never found a condom that didn't irritate me including latex free. Latex irritates my skin on its own.

Currently got a copper coil, if periods are hideously heavy that's coming out. I struggle to keep my iron levels up as it is.

I asked to be sterilised during my c section. For health reasons pregnancy is dire for me, DS was an unwanted pregnancy and it was hideous. Ended up on a psyche ward. I was refused on age grounds, they were in there anyway it certainly wasn't a "cost" issue.

I have chosen to never have sex again. The risk of pregnancy even with a coil is too high for me.