How the hell are you meant to "qualify" for sterilisation?!

[MsFrizzle]

I'm in my 20s. Never had a child and I don't want one - I don't have the energy. I'm disabled and I have endometriosis so I'm likely unable to have children but the risk is still very much there (not everybody with endo is infertile and my doctor who diagnosed me said that it's not the end of the world and may be possible even as an accident). I went today to discuss my issues and that I'd like a saplingectomy and that I've thoroughly considered my options and the future. I was told I wouldn't be considered unless I was above 40 (which seems odd as pregnancy can begin to become difficult after 40-45 from what I've heard) or if I already had a child. I was also told to consider my future partners!

The point is I can't handle a child, physically (disabilities) or mentally (depression, suicidal tendencies and GAD), and while I'm pro-choice I don't desire an abortion! Has anybody navigated this before? Second opinions are difficult as there's very few doctors in the area I live in.

I've had a pregnancy scare before and I'd not like to go through it again.

In my area you don’t. Even if you’re a man. Contraception, abortion or unwanted children.

My PCT literally said that to me. When they found out I was single “what if you meet a new partner and they want a child”

Me too. Totally outing but beyond caring at this point, she said to me ‘your disability could improve and you’d forever regret not being able to have another child. Plus, your oh might leave you when he decides he wants more. Plus, it’s not a guarantee that it’ll work, your oh should have a vasectomy instead!’

First off, my disability will only get worse, not better. Second off, if he left me then I was with the wrong man to begin with. Finally, he can do what he fucking likes, I don’t know that I’ll be with him forever and I know I can’t have more kids due to the risks. Dickhead.

Reminds me, I really need to log a complaint with pals about her. Said she was going to seek a second opinion after the dr she spoke to approved me going on the waiting list. So she can find someone else that’ll say no. I genuinely think because she was pregnant and because of my age she decided ‘no’ without actually listening to my reasons for being referred or wanting one.

Not sure if this is appropriate or not, but if you had endo, would you consider a hysterectomy?? Someone I know was sterilised, mid 20's during her 3rd c section. She later changed her mind and regretted it.

A woman should have the right to a sterilisation WHATEVER her reason. Simply not wanting children (or another child) should be sufficient. The "wants" of future partners should t come into it. As pp said, why can't the doctors trust that women know their own mind?

I'd be interested to see some figures on the cost of sterilisation vs the cost of hormonal contraception for say, 30 years.

Ditto the effect on lifetime cancer risk of sterilisation v 30 year’s hormonal contraception

@Cakeycakecake

I’m sorry, it’s crap isn’t it?

A woman should have the right to a sterilisation WHATEVER her reason.

But does the surgeon have the right?

This is invasive irreversible surgery, it's not done for therapeutic reasons.

This is invasive irreversible surgery, it's not done for therapeutic reasons

You do know that those of us who are desperate for the procedure understand that?!

Have you checked your local CCG criteria for sterilisation of women? (The replacement of PCTs). They are permitted here - I can't remember what the criteria were but I asked to be sterilised very soon after having my third child, got referred and saw the consultant quickly. I was very adamant that a)I never want to be pregnant or give birth again. Ever. B) I can't take hormonal, got pregnant on condoms (which I'm becoming allergic to anyway) and I'm not happy with the coil as an option c) don't give a shit what my partner thinks, it's me that doesn't want more kids! They did ask, why not dh but backed off rapidly when I said that. They impressed upon me reversals rarely worked and wouldn't be funded and then approved it. Got my tubes tied last month.

How adamant are you in the appointments? How far are you getting in the process i.e. can you get referred even? Be matter of fact but brutal - I never want to be pregnant, I'm incapable of looking after kids, I'd have to terminate if I did get pregnant, style of thing. Quote the criteria at them

speakout, this feels very unlike you

do you fret about men getting sterilised? I know it's theoretically easier to reverse but it's not a guarantee. Why would you be so against a lifetime choice? Surely having DC is a lifetime choice? put a lot of thought into it, sure. but you sound like you think people think it's just playing...of course it's irreversible. And actually it can be less invasive than you might think these days.

JacquesHammer it’s like because we’re female we don’t actually know what we want. Wimmens and their hormones, right? We’ll change our minds next week, never mind if another pregnancy could permanently ruin the lives of both the woman requesting surgery and the children they have- and that’s what I argued. I have Drs saying I’ll be in a wheelchair in 10yrs, that’s my current outlook. A pregnancy would fast forward that to within months. I’d go from being able (with support) to care for my dc, to wheelchair bound and needing carers for me- which I sometimes do as it is anyway. Without question, were it not for my disability I’d like another kid. But I’d done the grieving for the dc I’ll never have and accepted that the ones I have need me more than hypothetical others. My spine isn’t going to regenerate.

Felt like smacking that dr, I really did

I asked to be sterilised when I was 35. I have had 2 horrendous pregnancies. Dd1 spd so severe that I couldn’t walk. Midwife during labour pulled my leg and ripped my hip out the socket. Cut to ribbons due to incompetent midwife resulting in 2 hours of stitching. Dd1 nearly died at birth as they failed to see her heart had stopped. Born deep purple but resuscitated and fine.
Dd2 spd again, but worse. Had to give up work by 18weeks. Multiple scans as dd2 was measuring 5 weeks smaller than she should. By 30 weeks pelvis collapsed and dd2 was hanging out. Unlikely to make it to term, by a miracle she did.
I have permanent ligament damage now and a hip rotation.
2 years later had cancer, on medication to stay alive. Medication which reacts and stops working due to hormones in the pill/coil/implant.

I asked to be sterilised due to the above. Denied as I was of ‘childbearing’ age.

Dh who is younger than me then went. Asked if he had children, said yes. Do you want any more, no. Was given the snip 2 months later.

How is that fair ?

I'm what I suppose I'd call "childfree through choice." Really, really struggled on the recommended implant after my doctor said there's no way a woman

A sterilisation requested by the adult, mentally competent woman being sterilised seems a strange procedure to choose to prioritise the preference of the surgeon above those of the woman. Do surgeons pick and choose with all surgery? There are lots of procedures which are neither immediately and obviously life saving nor risk free.

Cant demand even

@8misskitty8 so they not realise that makes no sense not do it as you're of childbearing age...surely that's the fucking point!

I was sterilised at 29. I asked for it and it with given without hesitation. However I have four kids and have had four c sections. I am surprised by poster up thread of the woman who had four children and was refused. I think it's awful that women can't be trusted not to change their minds.
I must admit I do have moments where I realise I'll never have another baby and a tiny bit of regret, but then I think " no, I've made the right decision."
I don't want another operation and five children I think I would start to struggle.

If you are able to meet partners, partake in sexual activity then surely there are some jobs you could do to pay for it

Did you really just say that? I'm speechless. What an unbelievably fucking VILE thing to say.

This is invasive irreversible surgery, it's not done for therapeutic reasons.

It’s not irreversible. Just irreversible on the NHS. The main clinic in Nottingham that does it has a 70% success rate in women under 40.

I too have endo and you’re more likely to get them to agree to a hysterectomy than sterilisation. I would also have a look into the myriad accounts of women who suffer terribly after sterilisation with hormonal imbalance, loss of sex drive and new onset / worsening endometriosis (Post tubal ligation syndrome). It’s not formally recognised as yet but there are large numbers of women reporting the same thing. I wouldn’t touch sterilisation with a barge pole.

I was in the same position as you although I did end up having twins at 34 - now they’re more than willing to give me a hysterectomy, where it was refused before I had children. I didn’t push it though. If your endo is very severe, and you can’t take hormonal treatments (I know they’re awful but there’s a good chance your endo will worsen without it) I would ask.

I had a disaster with the Mirena and it had to be surgically removed, only because the strings were cut too short and they couldn’t get it out. Provided the doctor is willing to take it out as soon as you ask, id consider it - it was my last ditch attempt to be honest

'I just felt SO DAMN ANGRY that it had happened.'

I don't blame you one bit. Getting sterilised is a responsible choice if you are sure that babies, or more babies, are absolutely not on the cards. Women should be encouraged to go for it, and advised clearly that there will be no possibility of a reversal being funded by the NHS

Another option assuming your periods are debilitating and heavy is to request an endometrial ablation since that’s a treatment in itself

Its disgusting that male sterilisation is readily available and encouraged but female isnt. Cost is irrelevant. Women have different equipment of course the cost will be different. Fact of the matter is men are permitted the freedom of choice on this and women arent.

With great difficulty.
Im in my mid 20s and have had 3 c sections. Iv been told if i was to get pregnant again it would be very high risk (due to other complications as well as sections) doctors will not refer me even though i seem to have bad reactions to every contraceptive they have given me. We are down to using condoms and a period tracker. I would suggest saving as much as you can and going private that is what me and dp are planning to do.