Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you feel if a teacher did this to your child?

285 replies

Beenherebefore · 17/06/2018 21:36

Background -
Private school, in year 7. Good kid, all the teachers say so and so do I. Was head girl last year. Doing well, respectful yadda yadda.

So she was in a maths lesson. The teacher was a supply teacher. My daughter raises hand to ask teacher for help as she was stuck on a question.
As she was looking at her book and explaining where she needed help the teacher suddenly took my Daugher's head in her hands and snapped it up and round to the white board, said "read what it says and then speak to me" and then sharply turned her head back to her book and let go.

My daughter came out of school an hour later and told me about it immediately. Not one to make a fuss she told me it had hurt her and that while it didn't still hurt she could feel where it had happened.

I called the school. They said they would treat as safe guarding issue and meet me on Monday.

How would you play this?
I'm not happy and I want this dealt with but not sure how far I should take it.

Would you be as cross and upset as I feel about it?

OP posts:
Mrseft · 19/06/2018 19:02

I think that anything including the head of a child is instant assault actually. I am fairly sure there are pretty clear safeguarding laws specifically about touching or hurting the neck. I would be disgusted and every action should be taken to prevent this woman from teaching again

Mummug · 19/06/2018 19:09

I have a history of working in Child Protection. The police should have been alerted as soon after the incident was reported to an adult. The school should have had police involvement from the start and it would have been investigated thoroughly in accordance with the law and Child Protection regulations. There are protocols in place to medically examine your child, take statements, etc.
It sounds to me like the school have cherry picked their own regulations and are dealing with this "in house". As others have said, it is entirely irregular for the teacher to remain in post while investigations are being carried out, with such a serious allegation. If you have not already done so, contact the police and report the assault. They will take over from there and liaise with other professionals accordingly.
I wish you all the very best and I hope your daughter is OK. If her account is accurate, and there are witnesses to that effect, then she has been assaulted by an adult. This should be investigated by the police. The fact that it allegedly was perpetrated by a teacher is a very serious matter indeed.

blueluce85 · 19/06/2018 19:34

Not being funny.... But is it really a police matter? I've had my head turned like that in the past, either by school or by my mum.... Don't see it as a big deal. Understandable that it's not acceptable in school, but I think this has gone too far IMHO

ASauvignonADay · 19/06/2018 19:43

School to go to LADO immediately.
Sounds like thy are doing the right thing. I think police and OFSTED is a bit drastic - let the school/LADO stake action first then consider whether you feel it's been dealt with effectively. A lot of the responsibility will lie with the supply agency. If we have a complaint about a supply teacher, part of our action will be then not returning if the allegation is found to be true.

A teacher has no right to put their hands on a child unless they are defending themselves or restraining a pupil.
This is also a bit drastic. Lots of reasons for adults 'putting their hands on' children that are caring and supportive, if used appropriately. We are all human! (What OP describes is definitely not ok)

Pud2 · 19/06/2018 19:44

I agree blueluce85. Definitely a safeguarding matter but I don’t think there’s a need for blue lights and sirens.

ASauvignonADay · 19/06/2018 19:44

Apologies just re-read and see it wasn't a supply teacher.

Abolissimo · 19/06/2018 19:52

I entirely sympathize with the concerns of BeenHereBefore.
The issue of what school personnel are allowed to do and say to children is very much at issue these days, with the Fairfax School Commission (in the U.S. State of Virginia) having last week taken the decision to no longer refer to children's "sex" but to their "sex assigned at birth", with the ominous suggestion that the children's "gender identity", or chosen sex, will be more important. This policy was adopted under pressure from the transgender lobby and is a harbinger of Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria in youths that are being told they may have been "born in the wrong body", which is already happening in the UK.
It seems to me that this is also an issue of physical welfare that needs to be addressed through a Child Protection protocol.

Pud2 · 19/06/2018 20:01

?? Bit of a curve ball?

Abolissimo · 19/06/2018 20:05

Not if you acknowledge emotional abuse.

ScarlettSahara · 19/06/2018 20:07

Just caught up OP.
I, like you, tend to support the teachers rather than a reflex reaction to what my child reports but I would be very cross at this incident.
To me the teacher demonstrated lack of self-control & was unprofessional. She humiliated & hurt your child & could not be bothered to explain to her. She could have asked your child to read the board again & then let her know if she was still stuck.

I would also be cross at the school describing the teacher as professional and allowing her on the same trip.

As pp said, I too am a doctor and there would be severe consequences if I had behaved like this towards a patient- why should a pupil be treated with less dignity?

Hope you get this resolved.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 19/06/2018 20:31

minniebirdy You may not have read the OP's posts properly. Shall I come round yours and force your head back towards your screen so you can read them again? Since that's an acceptable way of making people pay attention?

Disneyinmyveins · 19/06/2018 20:32

Minniebirdie seems to be looking for a reaction on a few threads tonightConfused

Backstabbath · 19/06/2018 20:49

We still only have the child's version...

could it not possibly be that the teacher merely turned the child head towards the white board because said child was not listening.

Child got annoyed because she was told off for not listening.

Where is the update with the teachers version of events?

Talk about hung, drawn and quartered.

Not defending the teacher but after 2 days we still only have one side of the story.

N0rfolkEnchants · 19/06/2018 20:52

Police?! Doctors?! The world has gone mad

I'd be annoyed about this and I'd like some answers for sure. Would I be 'livid' and shrieking assault? Of course not

You place an awful lot of stock on a 12 year olds word. The school can't just sack this teacher you know, on your say so. Maybe trust them when they say they're looking into it? After all, like you've pointed out a few times, it's a nice quiet private school

All you'll achieve by posting in here is mainly weirdos and drama llamas whipping it all up into something it probably isn't.

Backstabbath · 19/06/2018 20:58

This whole thread does MN a serious disservice with complete over-reactions and hysteria... screaming assault, criminal charges, hospital, police, the sack, never work with children again... etc....

Get a grip and wait for the investigation to take its course.

Surfingwhippet · 19/06/2018 21:11

When we had a teacher accused of assault she was immediately replaced in the classroom and not allowed to teach again until the investigation had been completed.
I would assume this is standard practice

CasanovaFrankenstein · 19/06/2018 21:33

I second getting checked out by a sports physio. It may be nothing to worry about but you will feel better if you make sure. No one should jerk, twist or move someone's neck unexpectedly.

AreThereAnyLumpsInIt · 19/06/2018 21:44

Ignore the anti-private school nobbers rolls eyes

Ex teacher in secondary schools here

Biblio78 · 19/06/2018 21:50

Awful. As the teacher is supply please make sure the school inform the agency exactly why they will not be using that person again. Otherwise will just continue to work with children in that way!
The teacher assaulted your daughter. ( grabbing someone without their consent is assault I remember when I worked as a security guard years ago it was stressed that on no account must we touch someone first as it was considered assault)

Pud2 · 19/06/2018 22:04

Agree backstabbath. MN hysteria at its best!

InsomniacAnonymous · 19/06/2018 22:15

Biblio78 You need to RTFT. This was not a supply teacher, per OP's post @ Mon 18-Jun-18 17:34:42

Feenie · 19/06/2018 22:17

There is NO reason whatsoever to put your hands on a child!! Ever!! (Yes, there are moments you can hug a child - usually as long as there is another adult present)

Teachers are told this during training... and every safeguarding training session

Things have changed - we're specifically told now that this is NOT the case, for all sorts of reasons. I guess you wouldn't know as an ex-teacher?

Not sure this particular case counts as a good reason though.

lisahpost · 19/06/2018 22:30

Lets see they touched your daughter and forcibly moved their head.
If it were my daughter that teacher would have been shown forcibly by me why they dont touch my child and then id press charges.

It is ABUSE ...the teacher should lose their job.
Would you tolerate a boss at work doing it to you?
You have every right to be absolutly incandescent with rage

lisahpost · 19/06/2018 22:35

"I'd be annoyed about this and I'd like some answers for sure. Would I be 'livid' and shrieking assault? Of course not "

Wow so you are ok with a teacher forcibly touching a child? There was no reason for the teacher to at ALL touch the pupil in that way! No matte rhow it is dressed up a teacher shouldnt touch a child wihtout goo dreason and that was not good reason!

lisahpost · 19/06/2018 22:37

"could it not possibly be that the teacher merely turned the child head towards the white board because said child was not listening. "

And another one are you serious??
Since when would that be necassary or ok?

If you dont listen at work does your boss physically turn your head ?