Aibu to not want an abortion? (Possible trigger?)

[missuspritch]

Hi
Couldn’t find a thread I felt suitable for this so posted here.

Me and my Oh have been together for 10 years, we have a beautiful 2 year old little girl who was our surprise baby, but we welcomed with open arms. (Or so I thought)

Today however, I found out I am pregnant again.... unplanned, another surprise, but the reception is somewhat different.

My oh freaked out completely, saying that we shouldn’t keep them because we have a small amount of debt, only live in a 2 bed house and because a new baby will cause lack of sleep.

These were the reasons he gave me when I asked why he wouldn’t consider keeping them.

I honestly don’t think I could go through with an abortion, let alone live with myself afterwards, I know it is an option for many women and i am in no way judging anyone for their decisions I’m just saying I personally don’t think I would be strong evough to live with myself afterwards.

My OH is saying that he resented me last time for keeping our daughter and that was why we struggled lots in our relationship over the last 2 years. (Finally Just felt like we were back on track!!)

I however feel that we could tighten the belt a little to ensure we have everything we need before baby arrives, and find alternate cheaper ways of doing the things we need to do once baby is here. Maternity pay isn’t much different from my weekly wage now anyway and siblings share a room right? If we so happen to have a boy then we could easily put up a partition wall to separate their rooms but we wouldn’t have to worry about that for a few years yet anyway?

Sorry if this doesn’t make much sence, my head all over The place and I was just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and what did you do? I’m scared, feel alone and feel pressured into having an abortion to save my relationship.... (even though I think it would contribute to me leaving him) if we keep the baby he said he would resent me more and we will more than likely end up in a similar position as last time but maybe not make it through again?

Don't have an abortion, you DH is being disgraceful trying to force you into it

Tell your DH that if he didn’t want another baby then he should have used a condom or not ejaculated inside you! He knew the risks, he has a beautiful two year old daughter there to remind him of the risks!

My DH and I knew we were finished after two children, so after dd was born we used condoms and the pill, as we did at other times when we were not planning to fall pregnant. Even then my dh knew that no birth control is 100% effective so he had a vasectomy when our dd was a couple of months old!

Your dh didn’t need to have a vasectomy but he had sex knowing fine well that you could fall pregnant. Don’t let him put this on you! You used contraception, he didn’t! It’s his own bloody fault that you ended up pregnant, not yours! So I am glad that you won’t let him bully you into an abortion!

What an absolute nasty, arsehole of a man, to say that he still resents your beautiful little girl for being alive! I would tell him to get the f*ck out of our lives if he continued ‘resenting’ my dc! He sounds like a narcissistic asshole who wants all of your attention to himself. You would be better off without him in your life.

I know you will want him to continue to have a relationship with your dd, this is understandable. Just know that he does not deserve you or your dd! Don’t let him gaslight or emotionally abuse you! Are you afraid of him OP?

Congratulations on your new baby OP, I hope that you have a healthy and happy nine months, as far as possible!

Quite worrying that some think withdrawal is a good contraceptive method

Queen, thank you for your message, I’m not scared of him, he’s a kind and gentle man... he’s just said some really nasty things to me that really did shock me. I’m hoping he will come round. But if he doesn’t then that’s on him and is his decision. Just like me choosing to keep the baby is mine.

I’m nervous and scared about doing this alone but I know I will cope. I’m just waiting on his answer... feels like he’s taking forever x

Keep the baby & lose the knob head he shouldn't have any say over whether or not you keep the baby it should be your choice don't let him pressure you into having an abortion if you feel that you really don't want it. Also if I was you I'd look into how better off you would be being a single parent because he sounds like a selfish twat who doesn't give a shit about how you're feeling & what you want good luck with whatever you choose to do but remember by the way you've described him you deserve better xx

You'd resent him if you did abort - he doesn't need to decided, that's giving h8m all the power, what do you want .. ?

It’s likey the abortion will cause a split anyway so the question is can you arise two alone

Sorry OP I've just seen your update you'll be ok doing it alone I have 3 & have been doing it alone for over 10 years now I'm not gonna lie it can be hard work at times but I wouldn't have it any other way 😌 You're gonna be just fine xx

He shouldn't even have to think about it. He should know, if he truly loves you and the family you have together. for you OP.

I think if your oh was that against having anymore children then he should of taken precautions in case the pill failed again after all it’s not like it couldn’t of happened again you would of thought he would of learnt his lesson the first time, time for him to invest in some condoms.

For what it’s worth I think your doing the right thing and should he decide to leave then more fool him but I’m sure you’ll do a brilliant job of raising your children surrounded by your love.

don't be worried.it is hard with two parents and hard with one.just a different kind.you will be able to adapt.people do all the time.dont get bogged down with the what if or dread of how youll cope.becasue you can if you take it a moment at a time and plan the best you can without getting bogged down with fear.
parenting will throw thing at you you never expect so take the highs and lows and embrace all the goodness it really does bring.

YANBU Im glad you have decided what to do and I hope your husband is just in shock and eventually realises what an absolute bell end he is being.... but if he doesnt it sounds like you will be wonderful mother to your new baby with or without his support

You will have lots of baby things from your last child and you will have more of an idea of what to do and expect... you can certainly do this, with or without his help!
If he really hadnt wanted more children he should have had the snip... not supposed he would rely on you having a potentially traumatic medical procedure that you did not want. An abortion is not a form of contraception. He doesnt get to use your body like that.

What’s so kind and gentle about his behaviour? He’s used your first child’s existence as a stick to beat you with and if he does’come round’, it’s more than likely he’d do it again. Why are you so desperate to stay with a man who fundamentally doesn’t want the same things as you? Neither of you appear to take your incompatibilities seriously, instead expecting the other to ‘come around’, appears to be the preferred resolution to your incompatibility.

His grudging acceptance isn’t the win you appear to think it will be.

Hi, I am going through something similar at the moment. I have 2 children to my ex husband and found out i was pregnant a couple of weeks ago to my new boyfriend. Hes been my friend for a long time and we have been seeing each other for about a year and a half. Hi is 10 years older than me and has always said he doesn't want children & i said i didn't want anymore. However when i found out i felt completely different, he is now trying to pressure me into an abortion telling me i will be fat if i have another child, and that he will quit his job if i have it, that i have ruined his life and he wont help look after something he doesnt want. I have had one termination around 3 years ago and i regretted it so much, it was mentally traumatic for me. He knows this & still wants me to have it. Every day its pressure, nasty things being said but said in a way to make me think its in my best interest if i abort the child. I know i want to keep it & i know it will be hard work, but i have a good job and so does he. My head is all over the place i feel so confused, everyday is a struggle with my thoughts. Every day he tells me to go to the hospital and 'sort it' he thinks you can just go up and get it done straight away! I'm just so confused & don't know what to do!