AIBU to avoid church because of DH’s flatulence 🤢

[itseasybeingcheesy]

DH has a rotten stomach at the mo from overeating at the pub yesterday and the house smells awful as a result. He think I’m being OTT by saying we shouldn’t go to church and inflict that on others.

I know this is disgusting but please back me up? I’m not BU am I?

No it was a flatus tube.

The problem with letting one go silently, is that you can't always be sure it will be silent.....

You can't always be sure it'll even be a fart.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence_humor

Am I the only one who sees the word 'flatulence' in the title and just can't resist having a look?

Me too! Flatulence humour. It's a thing:-

"One of the most celebrated incidents of flatulence humor in early English literature is in The Miller's Tale by Geoffrey Chaucer, which dates from the 14th century; The Summoner's Tale has another. In the first, the character Nicholas sticks his buttocks out of a window at night and humiliates his rival Absolom by farting in his face But Absolom gets revenge by thrusting a red-hot plough blade between Nicholas's cheeks ("ammyd the ers")

"Sing, sweet bird, I kneen nat where thou art!"
This Nicholas anon let fle a fart
As greet as it had been a thonder-dent
That with the strook he was almost yblent (blinded)
And he was ready with iron hoot
And Nicholas ammyd the ers he smoot.[7]"

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence_humor

The plays of William Shakespeare include several humorous references to flatulence, including the following from Othello

CLOWN: Are these, I pray you, wind instruments?
FIRST MUSICIAN: Ay marry are they, sir.
CLOWN: O, thereby hangs a tail.
FIRST MUSICIAN: Whereby hangs a tail, sir?
CLOWN: Marry, sir, by many a wind instrument that I know.[9]

‘The problem with letting one go silently, is that you can't always be sure it will be silent....’.

You can't always be sure it'll even be a fart.. Bravo Rusty.

Very funny thread this.

.

God moves in mysterious ways, maybe a trip to church is exactly what he needs. Ask the priest to say a prayer for him and he could be cured before he stinks up the holy building.

OP Take a dog with you to church
Or an 80-year-old
and blame them

I'm sure teachers dont just stand at the front of the class farting

No, I do it when I'm walking round the classroom. Mine don't usually smell at all, but I find them impossible to hold in, as I have a stomach condition. If on the rare occasion one does smell, the children blame each other, or my TA will fess up as she's a constant farter too. I've never once been blamed

My brother used to work on the old stock exchange and he would let flee a series of silent but deadly farts which lasted the entire length of the trading floor as he briskly marched from right across. He swore he could wipe out the entire stock exchange as people fell away in a massive flurry of nose holding-hand waving retreats.

Marched right across - apologies for random from

The jobbers blamed the nearest broker and the brokers blamed the neighbouring jobbers.

Best thread ever.

the children blame each other

The jobbers blamed the nearest broker and the brokers blamed the neighbouring jobbers.

...but everyone knows who really did it.

Nah, if the children for one moment suspected the teacher, we'd know about it.

...but everyone knows who really did it

Yeah, whoever smelt it dealt it!

Every cloud ... I'd definitely use his sickness to skip church.

Peppermint. Its the answer to smelly farting. Chew on four extra strong mints or use a couple of mint teabags steeped in a small cup of hot water for a few minutes. Remove bags, top up with cold water and swallow in one go. Or use a handful of fresh mint leaves.

I farted from the depths of my soul in the kitchen this morning. What a reek. Luckily I was alone.

He swore he could wipe out the entire stock exchange as people fell away in a massive flurry of nose holding-hand waving retreats

LOL!

He wasn't working there on Monday, October 19, 1987 by any chance:?

who can hold in farts? never heard of that. excusing yourself to break wind in private certainly, but holding it in? how? why?
surely even if you could, that's unhealthy?

It's not so much holding them in, as not kicking one out. They're not fighting to get out in other words, they quietly await their release.

I'm amazed at the people who can't hold a fart in. How the hell do you get through life? Would you for example, let rip at the altar whilst saying your vows, in a job interview, sitting in the dentist chair, sat in the doctors waiting room etc etc etc. [shocked]

.

Heck, we even fart after death