AIBU to avoid church because of DH’s flatulence 🤢

[itseasybeingcheesy]

DH has a rotten stomach at the mo from overeating at the pub yesterday and the house smells awful as a result. He think I’m being OTT by saying we shouldn’t go to church and inflict that on others.

I know this is disgusting but please back me up? I’m not BU am I?

You could get him these www.amazon.co.uk/Subtle-Butt-Disposable-Neutralizers-Activated/dp/B001KYVJSC?tag=mumsnetforum-21

The most physical pain I have ever been in was having to not laugh when a woman in front of me and my Dad in Mass let go a volley of bum gunfire! Every time we thought she had stopped she did a couple more! A good 15 minutes off and on. I don’t think she realised we were there, we had come in late through the side door.
My usually very dour Dad was bright purple with tears running down his cheeks!

If you can't hold a fart for long enough to get somewhere private then you have stomach issues. If I really need to fart at work I will go to the loo and do it there. Usually I wait until I'm in my car on a visit and let it rip

butterfly me and my friend freely fart in front of each other.. i suspect the friends you are talking about are more 'acquaintances' than friends

acquaintances dont come to my. house. i dont want to smell any ones bum gas. i dont fart infront of family either nor do they. its rude.

I am most times caught out when I think I am alone and fart

with apologies to the woman who stopped and asked me for directions, that particular cloud was deadly

I don't fart freely around anyone really. If it happened accidentally in front of a good friend I'd get over it very quickly but it's not something I would choose to do or be happy with them doing around me.

so if you were at a friends house would you just fart infront of them?

don't be silly. I would go to the toilet. but as I have a good diet, I don't usually fart much.

Since ds' birth ripped me a new ass hole I can't hold farts.

Fortunately though ds is constantly with me so I can just give his nappy a sniff and blame him poor lad has had many unnecessary nappy changes.

vdbfamily

Does the Queen fart? I suppose she can do what she wants because nobody is going to tell her off.

Some poor people have no choice. I myself have IBS and can get wind, I do try and hold it in if I’m around people but it can be agony. I can’t believe so many people are saying farting is disgusting, we are all human beings, not bloody robots, it’s natural, part of being human. The last thing people with stomach issues need is to be told they are disgusting!!

I remember being heavily pregnant and farting loudly while walking down the street (hard to hold in while moving!), a man passed me at the same time and actually turned around to glare at me! I just smiled...

Also agree farting is not disgusting, it is natural. Though excessive flatulence can be addressed with diet. I rarely fart when I'm eating well. If I have a carbs binge I'm very windy afterwards.

don't be silly. I would go to the toilet. but as I have a good diet, I don't usually fart much.

well apparently if you dont fart infront of friends their not real friends, only "acquaintances"

"as I have a good diet, I don't usually fart much"

I really don't know what that's supposed to mean. Many of the most fart-inducing foods are very healthy ones.

suspect the friends you are talking about are more 'acquaintances' than friends

That is perhaps the most mental of all the very mental things I have seen posted on MN.

Sure she's the first person I'd go to if my dad died, and yes she knows about every sexual indiscretion, and of course she's held my hair when I was 16 and thought I could have one more Bacardi cooler.

But I just don't want to smell her farts. acquaintance!

I can't believe all these posters saying they have IBS and just let rip! Even at work??
I have crohns and believe me my farts smell like death, but I absolutely would not let rip in front of people at work, I just sneak into to loos and do it there or go outside.

Candlelight - there is no choice. Did you read that? I can't help it. Luckily the people I know either can't smell it or are polite enough not to humiliate me by mentioning it.
What do you want me to do? Live in a cave?

"of course she's held my hair when I was 16 and thought I could have one more Bacardi cooler."

Oh, so it's OK to throw up in front of people?

You'll be fine, OP. Check out song of songs 4:14.

Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere. Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.
Song of Songs 4:16 NIVUK
bible.com/bible/113/sng.4.16.NIVUK

Farting is a natural function; I'm sure many people in church would argue that it was invented by God, caused by the vegetables of God's own hand. Send him to church.

"Who told thee that thou hadst farted? Had you eaten too many apples from the tree from which I commanded you not to eat??"

@vdbfamily "Vaters Day" made me laugh so much!

It's been known for some highly conservative worshippers to object to there being toilets in church; that it's desecration, never mind defecation.

As for whether the Queen farts, Sophie in Roald Dahl's The BFG confirms it. "Kings and Queens are whizzpopping." It's rumoured that whenever the Queen uses the toilet, a servant guards it for half an hour so that nobody else would smell her smell.

Elizabeth the First made a queenly fart joke (allegedly), did she not?! When a nobleman courtier bowed to her and it forced out a fart, he was so ashamed that he left the country for several years. When he finally returned to court, the mischievous queen greeted him by saying:

"My lord, we had forgot the fart".