AIBU to avoid church because of DH’s flatulence 🤢

[itseasybeingcheesy]

DH has a rotten stomach at the mo from overeating at the pub yesterday and the house smells awful as a result. He think I’m being OTT by saying we shouldn’t go to church and inflict that on others.

I know this is disgusting but please back me up? I’m not BU am I?

Light a match to cover the smell, has to be a proper one with the sandpaper striking bit not a safety match.
If anyone questions you , whip out some candles ( four candles obvs)
and light "for ambience"

Zaphod, that's one of the privileges of being 80 though. I await it eagerly. Then everyone has to politely claim they don't notice a thing.

Brutus Do you just walk around life, gaily letting rip?

Don't need to fart that often... Do you just walk around in life constantly needing to fart?!

My mother has sworn on my life it wasn't her when there are only the two of us in the room.

Don't need to fart that often... Do you just walk around in life constantly needing to fart?!

Probably not but if you had a bad takeaway that is repeating on you all day, you could very well have a day of it. That doesn't mean fart at your colleagues all day.

i honestly dont understand how people cant hold them in. ive never sat in a restaurant with a waiter walking arounf farting, or on a bus with someone just letting rip, never been on an escalator and had someone fart in my face, dont get served by the shop worker whilst hes farting away.

But maybe they just didnt need to fart at that particular moment, Butterfly. Or if they did, they tried to hold it in and it escaped silently.

yes but people dont have the need to fart all day every day, it depends on their gut

"Who are all you people who can hold a fart in for hours? What is your secret?"

Exactly. I can only manage a second.

Are you my mum??

DF has just been put on a FODMAP diet and his wind has greatly reduced👍🏻👍🏻think he has ibs or something

DH is watching me chucking away at this thread wondering what I’m giggling over and I almost forget why I posted.
I told him to leave the the room to fart but he dragged the smell back in with him when he came in! How is that possible?!

well im out in public all day every day. yet to hear anyone fart unless they are all silent? im single but dont fart infront of partners. never found it hard tbh.

"ve never sat in a restaurant with a waiter walking arounf farting, or on a bus with someone just letting rip, never been on an escalator and had someone fart in my face, dont get served by the shop worker whilst hes farting away."

Yes, you have you just didn't happen to smell them.

In the spirit of confession: I can't hold in farts. I can't even tell that I'm going to fart. They just happen. I am of the silent and deadly variety. It is mortifying at times. I absolutely would fart in an interview or "on an escalator in someone's face" (omg) if that's when one happens to come along.

" yet to hear anyone fart unless they are all silent?"

Of course they will be silent and hopefully the smell won't be bad enough that someone walking a metre away would smell it. If the person is unwell, the smell might be worse.

If there was a wedding in the church yesterday, it will hopefully be full of the scent of flowers, so that would help a bit

Shrimpi - same here. I think I may have IBS. Interviews are probably very frequent times for farting because people are nervous, but you're usually sat the other side of the table from anyone else.

well i never fart infront of anyone but the kids so it is possible.

I’m so glad I’m a woman. I’ve made dogs run away when I fart

@GoldenButtercup

You beat me to it!

Send him to church, while you stay at home and air the house.

"People who go out and fart in public where people are subjected to them are fucking vile"

What option do I have as I can't hold them in? I try to not be close to other people, but it sometimes can't be helped.

"Those of you who don't hold in farts- do you just sit there at work letting rip?"

Again, what other option is there? Obviously, don't make a noise. Everywhere is open plan these days.

"it is possible."

For you, obviously, not for everyone.

positively
That’s hilarious!

so if you were at a friends house would you just fart infront of them? surely you would hold it. i would find it very rude tbh.