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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Over wedding invite

139 replies

upsideup · 16/06/2018 17:43

We have received an invite for a family friends wedding, addressed to me DH, 11 year old dd and 4 year old ds, DD(3) and DS(8) are not invited.

I would understand just inviting the oldest or oldest two but it seems strange to just invite DC1 and DC3. The only reason I can think for why 4 year old is invited and not 8 year old is because her stepson is 4 so DS2 is only invited to play with him, though obviously I dont know the reason.
If it was no under 10s I could use that to explain to DS1 why he couldnt come but I don't know how I'm going to explain why his little brother and older sister can but not him. The family friend is equally close to all children so thats not the reason, if anything closer to the older ones because shes known them longer.

AIBU to think its weird and a bit mean to pick and choose randomly which children you are going to invite?

OP posts:
DragonMummy1418 · 17/06/2018 12:36

I am absolutely 😮😮😮😮

I'd go just with your husband and no kids or decline the invite altogether!

myrtleWilson · 17/06/2018 12:42

I do wonder what the B and G will do if you responded yes but only as a couple. Will they bump another 4yr old up as a guest/playmate?

manicinsomniac · 17/06/2018 12:52

I wouldn't even have bothered asking, I don't think. I'd just have accepted on behalf of myself but declined for the children. Unless my children are actually 'in' the wedding or it's a family wedding, I never take them with me, even if they're invited - I have much more fun without them Grin

If you'll need to find childcare for some of them, I'd just leave all your children at home and let your hair down.

PrimalLass · 17/06/2018 13:03

I would just not go, and spend the money doing something nice as a family.

Branleuse · 17/06/2018 13:09

Id go as a couple or not at all now

Ninabean17 · 17/06/2018 13:13

After reading your update I just wouldn't go at all.

MadMags · 17/06/2018 13:13

I wouldn’t go.

crispysausagerolls · 17/06/2018 13:33

Ugh, you/your son aren’t their bloody childcare! Either go as a couple or just take DS1.

LagunaBubbles · 17/06/2018 13:37

I'm not really sure how to ask them without implying that if its correct that I think they're doing something wrong

Well they are.

troodiedoo · 17/06/2018 13:56

What a liberty!

Sunshineface123 · 17/06/2018 14:17

If it's easy enough to sort out I'd go as a couple and leave the kids with someone else or I think you'll end up being childminder for the step son.

elQuintoConyo · 17/06/2018 14:24

Gobshites!

I'd either go as a couple or not go at all. And give them £20 Argos vouchers Grin

billybagpuss · 17/06/2018 14:26

I get where B&G are coming from, but just to label the invitation randomly like that is weird, I think they should have discussed it with you first.

Petalflowers · 17/06/2018 14:32

That’s awful. I’d be a bit peeved to be honest.

Doesn’t sound like she is too keen on stepson.

hibbledibble · 17/06/2018 15:04

That is rude. Regardless of their reasoning they can't invite just half the children in a family, especially in such an arbitrary manner.

I would be thinking about declining the invite out of principal.

LML83 · 17/06/2018 15:38

it's really weird. If they are normally good friends I would put it down to wedding madness and go with dh but no kids without mentioning anything.

If they have form for think kind of thoughtless behaviour I would talk to them or decline. Declining a wedding invite without good reason would be really hurtful so I would rather let them know the issue.

girlywhirly · 17/06/2018 17:49

Is it going to be a problem for you to find childcare for the DC not invited? If so this would also be a problem if just you and DH went to the wedding. In either case I would decline, and tell them that you have no-one to look after the DC in either of those scenarios.

If brides and grooms put restrictions on who can attend their wedding, they should expect some guests not to come. Plan something as a family to do on that day instead.

Skydiving · 17/06/2018 17:51

Must be a mistake!! I’d ask.
Then if it really is only one dc invited, id want them to explain why.

emmyrose2000 · 18/06/2018 06:24

I'd RSVP 'no' from our family.

postcardsfrom · 18/06/2018 08:39

Weddings do something to people, they make the most rational people I know behave in the oddest ways sometimes! I’d go as a couple only if you can get childcare - seems to me you might get stuck looking after the other kid... and it’s odd not to invite them all, rule or no rule...

SoftBallSophie · 18/06/2018 08:44

I think the invite is quite rude and thoughtless really. A slap in the face for your family.

On that basis, I'd be declining for the whole family.

Rainbunny · 18/06/2018 21:09

Wow! Just wow! I have no problem with child free weddings but if you're going to invite children, to then discriminate against some children because of age and not others so that only half your children "qualify" for the happy event is ridiculous! I'd take a hard pass to be honest.

MiggledyHiggins · 19/06/2018 17:05

Ooh you'll definitely be landed with the other 4yo if you bring yours.

If they are trying to use you as a stealth babysitter then I'd thwart those plans and accept the invite on behalf of you and DH and say that you've booked a sitter for the children at home and are looking forward to attending as a couple.

I'd do that anyway. Weddings are boring for children after the church /photos especially if it's a wedding where only one or two children are there. Either invite a decent handful so they can have company or none at all.

HeckyPeck · 19/06/2018 17:10

Same as most others I'd just go without any of the kids!

Bloody weird of them to leave one out! Oddballs

mammyoftwo · 19/06/2018 17:30

F